We explore a deceptively subtle but powerful distinction: the difference between reflective practice and reflexive practice in coaching.

Most coaches are trained to reflect. Fewer develop the capacity to be reflexive.

This conversation unpacks why that matters - and how reflexivity represents a deeper layer of professional and personal maturity.

If this episode sparked reflection (or reflexivity), we’d love to hear your thoughts.

And if you found it valuable, please review and share!

We explore why even highly capable, motivated clients can stay stuck despite knowing what they want to change. We introduce Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s Immunity to Change model, which reveals how unconscious competing commitments can quietly block progress - not through resistance, but through self-protection.

The model is brought to life through a live example, as Sarah works through the four-column process and uncovers the hidden assumptions shaping her behaviour. The conversation shows how these protective patterns develop for good reasons, and how the model connects with Transactional Analysis ideas such as drivers, script beliefs, and discounting.

We offer practical guidance for coaches: work collaboratively, normalise competing commitments, and move slowly and carefully. It’s a thoughtful exploration for coaches who want to move beyond action planning and support deeper, more sustainable change.

Resources:

1. "The Real Reason People Won't Change" by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey (Harvard Business Review, 2001) – The original article that introduces the Immunity to Change framework.
2. The Immunity to Change Map – You can find versions of the four-column template online to use with your clients.
3. Transactional Analysis – For those interested in the connections we discuss between TA and this model, explore our previous episodes on psychological drivers, script beliefs, and discounting.

We explore why taking your time at the start of a coaching session is one of the most powerful, and most frequently overlooked, skills in coaching. We unpack the common tendency for coaches, especially those under pressure or early in their practice, to leap toward solutions the moment a client states a goal. Through rich metaphors like the tandem bicycle, the pencil sharpener, and the Bake Off proving drawer, we show how deeper exploration at the outset creates clarity, focus, and stronger outcomes.

We link this slow, spacious beginning to the ICF competencies, highlighting why establishing and maintaining agreements requires more than simply naming a topic. The conversation also touches on the psychological drivers behind the rush to “get going,” including the TA hurry-up driver and the unconscious desire to appear helpful.

We share our three practical tips, as well as personal practices that help us stay grounded and intentional, from mindfulness to checking our internal drivers. It’s a thoughtful, encouraging conversation for any coach wanting to strengthen presence, clarity, and quality in their sessions.

Resources:

• Nancy Kline, “Time to Think” & “More Time to Think” (especially helpful for more experienced coaches)
• Claire Pedrick / 3D Coaching, Metaphors and practices for sharpening focus and staying client-led
• Emma Donaldson-Feilder & Liz Hall, Relational Mindfulness Programme

Paul Heardman, Article on supervision from a constellationist perspective in Coaching at Work