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The Desire Question

The Desire Question

Written by: Dirt Media
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The Desire Question, hosted by ​​certified sex and couples therapist, author, and consultant Laura Federico (The Cycle Book, Tarcher, 2025), asks authors one simple question: “Is it better to desire, or be desired?”

This question, the desire question, becomes a jumping off point for these authors to discuss desire in their writing, whatever form it may take. This is a Dirt Media podcast.

Art Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Every kind of life ft. Rachel Khong
    Jun 5 2026

    Laura Federico speaks with author Rachel Khong about her new short story collection, My Dear You. They discuss the Susan Sontag quote: “What I really wanted was every kind of life, and the writer's life seemed the most inclusive” and how it’s really about desire for experience. The conversation moves through the book's central themes: midlife reckoning, ambivalence about parenthood, and the pandemic's role in forcing a confrontation with mortality and limitation. Rachel describes writing as a way to metabolize rather than resolve these questions, and fiction as a tool for approaching self-judgment with more compassion.

    ***

    My Dear You by Rachel Khong

    Rachel's web site

    The Cycle Book by Laura Federico

    ***

    03:49 — Is it better to desire or to be desired?

    05:53 — The Susan Sontag quote: "What I wanted was every kind of life"

    06:22 — Sliding doors and midlife

    09:28 — Writing as compassion for what you're struggling with

    15:00 — Social media as desire machine

    16:24 — "Trying to become yourself in a time when it's so easy to be somebody else"

    18:00 — AI and imposed technology

    24:36 — Aliens, ghosts, sex dolls, and God texting all of humanity

    29:00 — The pandemic paved the way for AI relationships

    32:14 — Courage isn't the absence of fear: choosing curiosity alongside it

    35:21 — Wendell Berry's creatures vs. machines

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    38 mins
  • Appetite and autonomy ft. Alicia Kennedy
    Apr 23 2026

    Host Laura Federico speaks with food and culture writer Alicia Kennedy about her new book, On Eating. They trace how meat has long symbolized masculinity, power, and American abundance, and why we have the ability to create social change through food. They also talk about sibling grief and the role her brother plays in the book.

    ***

    On Eating by Alicia Kennedy

    Alicia's newsletter

    Tomato Tomato

    The Cycle Book by Laura Federico

    ***

    01:00 — Thinness as purity culture

    03:39 — The desire question: Alicia answers as a Scorpio

    05:00 — Loving the world while doubting collective will to change

    08:09 — "No ethical consumption under capitalism" as a convenient excuse to stop trying

    10:32 — Eleven Madison Park and RFK Jr.'s food pyramid

    17:19 — Why unlabeled plant-based food works and why labeling it vegan usually doesn't

    20:16 — The ruthless omnivore as boys' club entry ticket

    22:35 — Women on social media performing hunger while visibly restricting

    27:29 — Writing about sibling loss

    31:09 — Moving to Puerto Rico and critiquing tourism

    ***

    Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

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    35 mins
  • Know yourself first ft. Gina Gershon
    Apr 6 2026

    Actress, singer, and author Gina Gershon talks about her new memoir AlphaPussy: How I Survived the Valley and Learned to Love My Boobs with Laura Federico, psychotherapist and host of The Desire Question. Gina resists the idea of AlphaPussy as a guidebook, saying the real message is to know and be honest with yourself. She turns the tables and asks Laura about sex in this climate of swipe culture, sex robots, and a shrinking appetite for soul connection. The episode ends, as the book does, with a rallying cry for self-knowledge.

    ***

    AlphaPussy by Gina Gershon

    The Cycle Book by Laura Federico

    ***

    02:31 — Is it better to desire or be desired?

    06:01 — Gina tells a younger woman who couldn't confront a harassing guru: "Until you can do that, you're always gonna be in a subservient position"

    07:38 — "Some people say follow the money, but I say listen to my gut"

    08:00 — Growing up without social media gave Gina an advantage in reading people

    11:37 — Gina describes being so empathic she sometimes couldn't leave the house

    12:54 — "People are scared, and you know what? They should be. It's a weird time."

    13:32 — Gina asks Laura: are people's sex lives diminishing?

    14:26 — Sex robots, swipe culture, and the shrinking soul connection

    17:21 — How the book actually came together

    18:36 — The gap between what we say we want and what we actually believe

    21:28 — To thine own self be true

    ***

    Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

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    22 mins
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