Welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast.. I’m Anna Graham, and today we’re diving into something that can quietly derail even the most well-intentioned divorce process—attachment to the outcome.

In mediation, we often walk in believing we know exactly what we want, what’s fair, and how things should unfold. But when we become rigidly attached to a specific result, it can block resolution, increase conflict, and ultimately cost us more emotionally and financially.

I’m joined by the incredible Divorce Allies team—Melissa Gragg, Emile Flowers, and Cristine Terri—and together we’re unpacking what it really means to prepare for mediation without gripping so tightly to a single vision of “winning.”

We’re talking about emotional regulation, strategic flexibility, mindset shifts, and how letting go of rigid expectations can actually lead to stronger outcomes. This episode is about empowerment—not through control, but through clarity. If you’re navigating mediation or preparing for settlement conversations, this is one you’ll want to hear.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Attachment to a specific outcome can block productive mediation.
   Rigidity increases conflict and reduces creative problem-solving.
2. Preparation is about clarity, not control.
   Knowing your priorities allows flexibility in how you reach resolution.
3. Emotional regulation is a negotiation advantage.
   Staying grounded prevents reactive decisions that can harm long-term goals.
4. Mediation is about resolution, not victory.
   Shifting from “winning” to “solving” creates space for sustainable agreements.
5. Letting go strategically is not weakness.
   Releasing rigid expectations can open better financial and relational outcomes.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. What does attachment to the outcome mean in divorce mediation?

Attachment to the outcome in divorce mediation means becoming emotionally or strategically fixated on one specific result, which can limit flexibility and hinder resolution.

2. How can I prepare for mediation without being too rigid?

You can prepare for mediation by identifying your core priorities, understanding your financial reality, and remaining open to multiple paths that achieve your main objectives.

3. Does being flexible in mediation mean giving up?

No, flexibility in mediation does not mean giving up; it means adapting strategically to reach a fair and sustainable agreement.

4. Why do emotions affect divorce settlement negotiations?

Emotions affect divorce settlement negotiations because unresolved anger, fear, or resentment can influence decision-making and create resistance to compromise.

5. How can I stay calm during divorce mediation?

You can stay calm during divorce mediation by clarifying your goals in advance, focusing on long-term stability, and separating emotional reactions from financial strategy.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

Welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast. I’m Anna Graham, and in this episode, we’re having a conversation that so many people avoid—but absolutely shouldn’t—money and the house.

When you’re going through divorce, decisions about the marital home and your financial future can feel overwhelming, emotional, and deeply personal. It’s not just about property. It’s about stability, identity, security, and sometimes fear of the unknown.

I’m joined by Melissa Gragg and Emile Flowers, and together we’re breaking down what you really need to consider when making decisions about keeping, selling, refinancing, or letting go of the home. We’re talking about financial clarity, long-term sustainability, and why emotional attachment can sometimes cloud practical judgment.

This episode is about empowerment through information. It’s about understanding your options so you can make decisions from a place of strategy—not panic. If you’re navigating questions about the house, affordability, equity, or what your financial life looks like after divorce, this conversation is for you.

5 Key Takeaways

1. The marital home is both an emotional and financial asset
   Decisions about the house should consider long-term affordability, not just emotional attachment.
2. Keeping the house does not automatically mean financial security
   Mortgage payments, maintenance, taxes, and refinancing terms must all be evaluated realistically.
3. Refinancing during or after divorce requires strategic planning
   Credit, income qualification, and timing can significantly impact loan approval and terms.
4. Equity division impacts long-term financial stability
   Understanding how home equity is calculated and distributed is essential for fair negotiation.
5. Clarity reduces fear
   When you understand your true financial position, you can make confident decisions rather than reactive ones.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. Should I keep the house in a divorce?

You should keep the house in a divorce only if you can afford the mortgage, maintenance, taxes, and refinancing long-term without financial strain.

2. How is home equity divided in a divorce?

Home equity in a divorce is typically calculated by subtracting the remaining mortgage from the home’s market value and then dividing the net equity according to settlement terms.

3. Can I refinance the mortgage during a divorce?

Yes, you can refinance during or after divorce, but approval depends on income, credit score, debt-to-income ratio, and finalized settlement agreements.

4. What happens to the mortgage after divorce?

After divorce, the mortgage remains legally binding unless it is refinanced, assumed, or paid off through sale of the home.

5. Is it better to sell the house during divorce?

Selling the house during divorce can provide liquidity and a clean financial break, but the right decision depends on affordability, market conditions, and long-term goals.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

I’m Melissa Gragg, and welcome to The Divorce Allies Podcast. In this episode, we’re talking about something that often gets overlooked in divorce conversations—the need to rewrite the script not just legally or financially, but mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I’m joined by the Divorce Allies team: Emile Flowers and Cristine Terri. Together, we explore what it really means to heal after divorce by addressing the whole person—mind, body, and soul. Divorce doesn’t just change your relationship status; it reshapes your identity, your nervous system, your financial reality, and the way you move through the world.

This conversation is about awareness and intention. It’s about recognizing patterns that no longer serve you, learning how stress shows up in the body, and understanding why healing isn’t linear—and doesn’t happen on a timeline set by the court. If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, exhausted, or unsure of who you are on the other side of divorce, this episode is designed to help you reconnect and move forward with clarity and compassion.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Divorce impacts the mind, body, and soul—not just your legal status
   Emotional stress, financial fear, and physical exhaustion are interconnected and must be addressed together to truly heal.
2. Awareness is the first step toward change
   Recognizing emotional triggers, stress responses, and limiting beliefs allows you to interrupt old patterns and make intentional choices.
3. The body holds unresolved stress from divorce
   Without proper regulation and care, stress can manifest as fatigue, anxiety, or illness—making physical well-being a critical part of recovery.
4. Financial clarity supports emotional healing
   Understanding your financial reality reduces fear, restores confidence, and creates space for forward-looking decisions.
5. Rewriting your story is an active process
   Healing after divorce requires conscious effort, support, and patience—not perfection or constant positivity.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. How does divorce affect mental and emotional health?

Divorce can trigger anxiety, grief, and identity loss by disrupting emotional security, routines, and future expectations.

2. Why is healing after divorce not just emotional?

Healing after divorce involves the mind, body, and soul because stress affects physical health, decision-making, and emotional regulation.

3. How can I start over after divorce in a healthy way?

Starting over after divorce begins with self-awareness, setting boundaries, seeking support, and creating clarity around finances and goals.

4. What role does stress play during and after divorce?

Stress during divorce activates the nervous system, which can impair judgment, increase conflict, and delay emotional recovery if not addressed.

5. How long does it take to heal after divorce?

Healing after divorce has no fixed timeline and depends on emotional support, self-care practices, and intentional personal growth.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here