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THEME : Is listening overrated?

CONVERSATION POINTS:

• people think they are better communicators/listeners than they are
• listening is a very under-rated skill, and one to keep practicing
• knowledge is not opinion
• context shifts how we listen to people
• everyone deserves the right to be heard, but we don't have to take on board what they have to say
• listening without questioning what is true and what is not - practice discernment
• we listen through our own lens and biases
• What's the balance between listening to someone's opinion and sharing your own?
• when we give advice too soon, we may not be solving the right problem
• Are there contexts when we shouldn't listen?
• laws do not protect all people and do not represent all voices
• power dynamics affect people's listening
• who "has to" do the listening?
• when ego gets in the way of listening?
• higher ups need to spend more time listening to the people who actually know -- the experts
• when big companies enter into environments against the wishes and values of the citizens
• we are all capable of listening, but we don't practice and don't use the skill wisely
• the dyanmic of you're not listening to me, so I won't listen to you
• our ability to influence to change depends on our listening
• listen to ask better questions -- instead of thinking "that doesn't make any sense," ask a question to make sense
• train our listening every day
• deep listening to things we don't value is very challenging
• the righteousness that goes along with not listening
• People not voting based on policy, but on who listens best
• The skill of listening is crucial
• Listening as a skill that goes out the window when we are emotionally triggered

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TOPIC: Do you think we should punish defiance in organizations?

BIG IDEAS:

• defiance appreciated in different cultures - in France it shows you're thinking critically
• power dynamics that are at play when talking about defiance
• defy and comply isn't a binary
• most of us were raised to believe that compliance was good and defiance was bad
• defiance can be good when it aligns with our values
• consent is when you have the capacity, knowledge
• we comply without having the knowledge
• false defiance - you go along with something that isn't aligned with your values
• conscious compliance -- where we're consciously going with something that's against your values because the risk is too high to comply
• there is often a long build up to defiance
• recognize the moments when I'm consciously complying
• not wanting to be the "complainer" when being harassed - risks too great for career
• people from marginalized groups have a great risk when defying
• looking to any ally from a more powerful social group to defy for you
• saying "no" to people's behavior and setting boundaries
• he-peating -- when a man repeats a woman's ideas, and others praise him over her
• How should companies deal with defiance?
• getting curious about the defiance - look at practices and processes that are outdated
• look at gaps between personal values and organizational values - how do we reconcile gaps in values
• Are values stated, but not practiced?
• people can value the same thing, but how they demonstrate those values can differ
• look at the behaviors over the stated values of an organization
• emotional, psychological, physical, financial risks when it comes to defiance and compliance
• if there is a values misalignment between you and the organization, you choose a principled exit
• Is doing values exercises a pointless and dangerous exercise because you will never have alignment?
• the word defy has a moral connotation in French
• when people take your defiance to a process as a personal attack
• How do you defy but still stay loyal to the organization?
• it's hard to argue with someone's values
• standing on your moral high ground makes the other person wrong
• using your values as a launch pad for your defiance
• build around a common need
• finding the nuanced way to defy - it doesn't have to be big and bold
• when you're at work, you're in a dependent relationship, so there are inherent risks
• the difference between protesting and striking

RESOURCES:

• Defy by Dr. Sunita Sah
• Non Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

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QUESTION: Are Gen Z Me, Me, Me?

BIG IDEAS:

• Lots of complaints from a team leader around respect for him and org. His belief that his younger team members are overconfident and think they are superior
• Do leaders need to prioritize the organization over themselves
• Leaders looking for themselves in future leaders (projection)
• Generalizations around generations
• We tend to overestimate when people were born, but what they went through and where are they now in their lives that make a difference
• What 25-year-old prioritizes the organization over themselves?
• Gen Z were hit really hard by Covid, and it defines how we see the world
• Perception that Gen Z lacks patience and don't want to put in the work
• Dunning Krueger Effect or status quos on timelines?
• Learning can happen much faster, but they lack experience
• When we judge others for judging, we are judging too
• Is it a lack of patience?
• Envy and resentment growing -- wish to have the attitude that Gen Z has
• Tension between the "new way" and the "old way"
• COVID shifted priorities for people, yet companies want to go back to the way things were (working in the office being a top priority)
• What does it mean to "go back to normal"?
• "That's the way we've always done it," can get in the way of growth
• Adapt rather than fight it
• Equity of treatment across generations and work preferences
• It's not about working 50% versus, it's about working 50% or leaving the company
• We only need to love 20% of our work to find meaning in all of our work
• Only 14% of people are engaged -- how is that measured?
• Are we asking too much of people for their work?
• How much is the perception of engagement valid across generations?
• How much show off and show me rose due to the self facing camera?
• Over praising leading to overconfidence
• Instead of keeping them down, give them the opportunity to safely fail
• Seeing the gray area between people's truths

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Podcast || Social Science Bites - Episode on Generational Myths
• Book || Love + Work by Marcus Buckingham
• Book || Think Again by Adam Grant

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