In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day introduce The Broken Window Reset, a midyear check-in built on an unexpected source: broken windows theory, a criminology concept about how visible signs of neglect invite more disorder. Elizabeth and Calvalyn take that idea out of the streets and into real life, asking what “broken windows” you’ve been walking past in your own home, body, career, relationships, and mind.

They cover a lot of ground, in the way that only they can, including Calvalyn sharing her own broken rearview mirror story, and Elizabeth breaking down why every unresolved “window” is a daily energy spend.

This episode speaks directly to high achievers, over-givers, and go-to girls who are quick to manage everyone else’s life while their own goes unattended, including the moment Calvalyn gently calls out using your kids as the excuse for not dealing with your own stuff. It’s not another new-year, new-you reset. It’s an invitation to get honest about the one or two windows that matter most, take a small step, and give yourself the grace that usually meets you on the other side of doing the work.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• A broken window in your life doesn’t have to be literal, it can be an avoided conversation, an unopened inbox, a postponed appointment, or a goal you’ve quietly given up on.

• Every broken window you walk past communicates something to you, and that daily thought is quietly draining your energy.

• Confidence and broken windows are connected, it’s hard to feel worthy of more when you’re privately tolerating disrepair.

• You don’t have to fix every window at once. Identify the one or two “main windows” and take a small, specific step.

• Sweeping overhauls rarely work because your brain needs continual, small steps, not a total reset.

• Sometimes you didn’t break the window, you inherited it. That doesn’t make it your fault, but it does make it your responsibility now.

• Get specific about what “fixed” actually looks like for you, especially if a window has been broken so long you’ve forgotten what whole looks like.

• Limiting beliefs are broken windows too, and they deserve the same urgency you’d give any other repair.

• Your kids are not your broken window. Managing their future doesn’t excuse avoiding your own.

• Repairing a broken window usually brings grace, and if it doesn’t come from someone else, you’re allowed to give it to yourself.

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, broken windows theory, midyear reset, personal growth, energy management, limiting beliefs, self-improvement, mental load, confidence, high achievers, relationship boundaries, health checkups, women’s wellbeing, coaching, life coach, therapist podcast

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get real about weathering, a discussion that is perfect for Minority Mental Health Month.

They break down where the term comes from (public health researcher Dr. Arline Geronimus's 1990s research), what allostatic load actually means for your body, and why migraines, gut issues, autoimmune flare-ups, and the specific exhaustion of code-switching might be your body keeping score.

This episode speaks to the high-achieving woman who is tired in a way rest doesn't touch, the one everyone calls the strong one, and the one who's been told her whole life to push through. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't have to shrink your ambition to protect your body — you have to stop carrying it alone.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You are not exempt from weathering just because you've made it — income and education don't protect your body from cumulative stress.

• Migraines, gut issues, and autoimmune flare-ups can be your body's way of telling you it's weathering.

• Code-switching fatigue is real. Being tired of performing is different from being tired of doing.

• One hour of self-care can't undo 167 hours of structural stress — soothing and addressing are not the same thing.

• Build a full care team: a doctor who truly sees you, a therapist, and a life coach.

• If your doctor says they “don't see color,” that's a red flag, not a compliment.

• You don't have to eliminate stress to protect your health — you get to choose which stress is worth carrying.

• Being “the strong one” doesn't mean you're not weathering. It just means no one's asking how you're doing.

• Advocacy, boundaries, and community are not optional extras — they're part of your actual health care.

• You can still be ambitious. This is about building the infrastructure to sustain your dreams, not shrinking them.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome & Shenanigans

01:10 Why We're Talking About Weathering Now

02:26 Defining Weathering: The Research Behind the Word

05:36 Allostatic Load & the Cost Your Body Pays

08:34 Success Doesn't Make You Exempt

12:12 When Making It Still Isn't Protection

18:22 Signs You Might Be Weathering

21:30 The Exhaustion of Code-Switching

23:32 Why Bubble Baths Don't Fix Weathering

25:06 Soothing vs. Addressing

26:09 Advocacy, Boundaries & Your Care Team

26:54 Finding a Doctor Who Sees You

35:05 Sleep, High-Functioning Depression & Your Support Team

36:48 Redesigning Ambition Without the Cost

42:04 Your Weathering Action Plan

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, weathering, weathering hypothesis, Arline Geronimus, allostatic load, Black women's health, minority mental health month, high-achieving Black women, code-switching, self-care, mental load, chronic stress, medical advocacy, therapy, life coaching, Black maternal health, ambition and health

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day dig into one of the most deeply rooted patterns affecting high-achieving women, and Black women in particular: the identity that forms when you spend a lifetime being everything to everyone else and very little to yourself. Calvalyn calls it the 92%ers topic. Buckle in.

Sparked by two viral videos, one from an elderly woman, talking about women who never learn to receive care, and another featuring Wall Street powerhouse Carla Harris in conversation with Mel Robbins about fear and fatigue as the two forces that keep Black women from reaching their full potential, Elizabeth and Calvalyn go deep into the science and the soul of it all. They explore how caregiving identity forms in childhood, how repeated patterns beat neural pathways in the brain, how the fear of being called lazy is a trauma response rooted in generational history, and why emotional excavation is the only way out.

This episode is for every woman who has held her pee so she could cross one more thing off her list, who always says 'I got it' when someone offers to help, or who has accomplished so much she's exhausted at the thought of going after the thing that she really wants. Elizabeth and Calvalyn close with a powerful challenge for every woman who is ready to love her life.

Resources Mentioned

Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, Dr. Joy DeGruy https://amzn.to/4xvneC1

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Chapters

00:00 Opening: The 92%ers Topic, Buckle In

00:52 Why This Episode Matters (and Why You Should Share It)

01:16 How an Episode Gets Born: TikTok Inboxes and Toe-Dipping

04:30 Video 1: Women Conditioned to Caregive from Birth

05:05 The Question: When Did You First Start Taking Care of Others?

06:55 Calvalyn's Story: Being an Auntie Before She Was Born

07:52 When Identity Forms Around What Others Need from You

08:25 If You've Ever Felt Like: Who Am I Without the People I Care For?

09:00 How Caregiving Patterns Show Up in Adult Relationships

10:22 Raising People Who Can Stand on Their Own

12:33 The Cultural Context: Adultifying Black Children

14:12 We Are Not Raising Children to Step Aside

15:26 Leila's School Project: A Lesson in Not Giving Up Your Seat

18:02 What We're Excavating Now Was Planted Then

19:00 Brain Science: How Repeated Patterns Become Your Operating System

21:54 When to Work with a Therapist or Coach

22:25 Video 2: Carla Harris on Fear and Fatigue for Black Women

24:25 Overqualified and Exhausted: The Cost of Getting Here

26:18 Fear Gets More Sophisticated as You Age, Elizabeth's Take

27:07 Where Do They Actually Want Us? A Real Conversation

28:46 Elizabeth's Childhood Memory: Swallowing Grief to Protect Her Dad

30:33 It Wasn't Wrong, But Look at the Meaning You Made from It

31:30 The L Word: How Fear of Being Called Lazy Is a Generational Wound

32:23 Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome and What We Passed Down

32:45 Elizabeth's Pee Story, and What It Actually Means

34:12 Saying 'I Got It' When Someone Offers to Help

35:25 What Would It Look Like to Actually Receive?

35:44 The Abundance Challenge: $21 and a Tag-In

37:46 The Pre-Work Question: Where Do You Feel Supported Right Now?

39:40 Train Your Brain to See More of What You Want

40:25 The Reticular Activating System and Why Gratitude Changes Everything

42:23 Gratitude and Desire Can Coexist, You Don't Have to Choose

43:47 You Don't Have to Be Old and Tired

44:14 Close: Love Your Life and the People in It