When couples stop having sex, they usually assume it's about laziness, manipulation, or lack of attraction. But sexual disconnection is actually a signal that something deeper needs attention—usually safety, repair, and attunement. Your nervous system, emotional dysregulation, and unspoken resentment all play a part in creating sexless relationships.

In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy, I walk through the critical difference between consent and coercion, avoidance and control, protection and rejection. I explain how unresolved emotional dysregulation keeps couples stuck in cycles of shutdown and escalation, and why communication alone isn't enough without the ability to stay present in your body.

1:06 – ​​Why sexless relationships are about more than frequency

3:43 – The subtle difference between withholding and self-protection

6:53 – How safety (not desire) often determines sexual availability

9:36 – The unseen role emotional dysregulation plays in disconnection

12:18 – What must be restored before intimacy can return

Mentioned In Fixing a Sexless Relationship Starts with Emotional Regulation

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When most people hear "sex therapy," they assume it's about technique or performance. It's not. Sex therapy is about understanding how your nervous system, past experiences, and attachment patterns show up in intimacy.

For years, I only associated sex with pressure and duty. I sabotaged a relationship I cared about because my body was screaming no, and I had no idea how to restore safety after my own trauma. That experience is why I do this work, and why I never separate trauma from sexual healing.

In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy, I walk you through what actually happens in a sex therapy session, who it's for, and why so many people struggle to stay present during physical intimacy. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body during sex, this episode will show you why healing starts with safety, not performance.

1:26 – ​​What sex therapy actually looks like behind closed doors

2:57 – Who sex therapy is for and the common issue of desire discrepancy

4:08 – How my childhood trauma led to a career as a sex therapist

5:22 – Why sex therapy and trauma therapy are connected

6:25 – Example of how trauma can quietly reshape desire, safety, and connection

7:41 – Reframe of sex as something that can heal, not harm

Mentioned In What Actually Happens in Sex Therapy?

Dr. Vicki Van Cleave, PSC

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