"I love for people to come when the pipes leak instead of when they burst." — Vonda Tiede, LMFT

• Why do so many couples wait years before finally seeking help?
• What actually happens in the therapy room, and what is the therapist really doing?
• Are there situations where couples therapy can do more harm than good?

Couples therapy is one of the most misunderstood tools in marriage. People assume it means something's broken, that the therapist will pick a side, or that it's too late. None of that is true.

In this episode, Kenna sits down with two trusted colleagues and fellow licensed marriage and family therapists, Ben Baker and Vonda Tiede, for an honest, behind-the-curtain conversation about what couples therapy actually looks like, who it's for, and what gets in the way of people starting sooner.

They cover the myths that keep couples stuck, the difference between a disagreement and a full-blown fight, what "containment" really means in the therapy room, and the specific situations where couples therapy is actually contraindicated. They also share the one thing they each wish every couple knew before they ever walked through the door.

Whether you're considering couples therapy, currently in it, or just curious what happens in that room, this episode will give you real answers, not vague reassurances.

Chapters

• (00:00) - "Your marriage is my client"
• (00:28) - Welcome and guest introductions
• (02:14) - Highs and Hards
• (08:25) - Why couples therapy feels so mysterious
• (09:35) - How Ben and Vonda chose marriage and family therapy
• (14:01) - Individual therapy vs. couples therapy
• (18:38) - Myths and misconceptions therapists want to dispel
• (33:56) - When to come and when to wait
• (52:18) - The one thing each therapist wishes every couple knew
• (58:03) - Challenge by choice
• (01:00:27) - Closing prayer

Reflection Questions

Links and Resources:

• Martin Center for Integration - https://martincenterforintegration.com
• Vonda Tiede, LMFT - https://www.vondatiede.com/
• Related episodes with Ben Baker: Men and Mental Health, Men in Relationships, Triangulation - https://martincenterforintegration.com/show-notes-70
• Related episodes with Vonda Tiede: Marital Intimacy, What Happens in Individual Therapy - https://martincenterforintegration.com/show-notes-21

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook

Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

What started with fun & games ended with tears, injury, and...a real mess.

You think your family dinners are out of control? You're not alone.

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook

Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"Being connected to your spouse in prayer, even when things are hard, maybe especially when things are hard, is one of the best ways to know that person." ~ Pat Millea

• Why do so many couples want to pray together but never actually do it?
• What do you do when you feel too vulnerable, too proud, or too far apart to pray?
• Is there a method that works, even for couples who have never prayed out loud together?

In episode 100 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea take on a topic that listeners have been asking for: how to actually pray together as a couple. Not in theory. Not with a polished formula. But honestly, practically, and in a way that fits real married life with kids, conflict, busy schedules, and the kind of exhaustion that makes even good intentions fall apart.

They dig into why married prayer is so uniquely powerful, including what it means that no one knows your spouse like God does, and why that matters most when things are hard between you. They unpack the difference between rote prayer and spontaneous prayer, and why both have a place in a marriage. And they walk through a specific method of praying together, taught by a priest named Father Scott Traynor, that is accessible, intimate, and surprisingly doable, even for couples who feel completely out of their depth.

Then, to mark the milestone of episode 100, they actually do it. Pat and Kenna pray the Traynor method together, on air, for real, in what may be the most vulnerable and honest moment the show has ever aired.

This episode is for every couple who has wanted to pray together but did not know where to start.

Episode 100 Show Notes (including a downloadable guide to the Traynor married prayer method)

Reflection Questions

Chapters:

• (00:40) — Welcome and episode 100 celebration
• (01:47) — States trivia game
• (14:15) — Why married prayer matters
• (22:00) — The gifts of praying together as a couple
• (33:30) — Praying before conflict: the hardest and most humbling move
• (43:50) — Getting practical: how to start
• (46:50) — The Traynor Method explained
• (52:00) — Pat and Kenna pray the Traynor Method

Links and Resources:

• The Parish as a School of Prayer by Father Scott Traynor

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook

Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.