Episodes

  • Is Less More?

    Is Less More?
    Aug 25 2020
    This episode is greatly inspired by this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHZ48AE3TOI

    Paraphrasing Yngwie Malmsteen…

    You tell me something
    that you perceive to be true
    in good faith
    for it is obvious to you
    that I don't know
    "Less" you say, "is more"

    But how can less be more?
    What form
    of alien math
    do you practice
    to make this calculation?

    For it makes no sense.
    Only more is more, you fool
    and one plus that
    must always be
    one more.

    If less was more
    A farmer might plant less seed
    and grow more crops next season
    or perhaps the heat of the fire
    would be less
    by adding more coals

    So less can never be more
    Unless by less
    you mean to add
    another special ingredient
    which was not there before
    In which case,
    it's still more.

    If less was more
    A fisherman
    might put less bait on a hook,
    and expect to catch more fish
    or maybe then he could just
    throw away the fishing line altogether
    and catch more fish
    with his bare hands.
    Then again, why even have hands?
    He'll catch more fish if you chop his hands off.
    But why then keep his arms? and so on.
    So you see, eventually you are left
    without even a person!

    This philosophy
    can only lead to nothing
    And we all know, of course
    that there is something,
    even if we're unsure
    of exactly what that is.

    So less, can never be more
    Only more is more
    How can less by fucking more? you idiots.
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • I Want to Make a Show for the Fringe Festival

    I Want to Make a Show for the Fringe Festival
    Jul 1 2020
    I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival
    With live theatre, but quite comedic
    It will involve hand puppets
    and some animatronics
    It's also about sustainability
    but not too woke

    I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival
    about electronic circuits
    with contemporary dance.
    There'll be some cool video projections
    and an explosive door prize
    entry is just 5 bucks

    I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
    with maybe, a bit of magic and a few surprises
    Instead of a rabbit coming out of a hat,
    it's a koala!
    And the audience sits in the trees
    while the performers build a fire
     
    But I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
    with a live band
    and a sword-swallowing amputee
    Picture belly dancers with reptiles
    while members of the audience
    recite anonymous stories
    of disastrous first dates

    Then, I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
    A kind of, burlesque science fiction
    Dinner will be served on vinyl records
    And there’s an upside-down DJ
    and a children’s choir
    live streamed, of course
     
    But I really want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
    with a naked lady covered in glitter,
    who makes love to a transgender sex worker,
    on James St,
    in a box made of mirrors.
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • If Buildings Could Speak

    If Buildings Could Speak
    May 26 2020
    If buildings could speak
    they'd have much to say
    about their creaky concrete bones
    and how sore they are
    from the weight
    of all the things
    that happen inside them

    They have so many belly aches
    from mountains of documents
    still in filing cabinets
    and computer systems
    and furniture
    and floor coverings
    and wall hangings

    They'd probably tell you about the migraines
    from all the footstepsthrough hallways
    and talking
    and shuffling
    and coffee brewing
    and business making

    Maybe they'd be worried about the future
    as their lungs filled up with stale air
    through dirty air conditioner filters
    and old machines with noisy fans
    and stale cookingand breathing

    Still, mostly at night
    the buildings go to sleep
    and sometimes, they dream
    dream that they could speak

    and for once, only in their dreams
    everyone would listen
    and understand their important musings
    if buildings could speak
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • The Shortest Podcast in the World

    The Shortest Podcast in the World
    May 19 2020
    This week
    I failed
    Sorry
    Show More Show Less
    Less than 1 minute
  • Quantum Dream Computer

    Quantum Dream Computer
    May 10 2020
    The quantum computer is coming
    They're just trying to make
    those little qubit things
    immune to interference
    from the big world

    Because when the big world leaks in
    the qubits stop working
    and the solutions
    are all wrong

    Once they work out an answer
    to this problem
    they'll be able to calculate
    bigger numbers
    than we ever imagined

    The big world
    Is like the real world
    The one that you and I can see
    It's just a problem
    That it keeps leaking in
    to the little one

    It makes that little qubit
    sound a bit like
    a nice dream
    that you're fighting to stay inside
    on the verge of waking up

    and when you do wake up
    you may be sad
    because you can't fly
    you don't have 600 million dollars
    and the cat you tried putting in a box
    with some radioactive material
    is still dead

    But recently, they discovered something else
    Those little qubit things
    Don't need to be completely isolated
    from the big world
    Because they can correct for the errors later

    But even then,
    there's a problem

    The quantum computer
    can calculate
    so much information
    that there is no computer
    big enough
    to test if the answer
    Is correct

    So as you can see
    it's nice to dream
    but there's really no point
    in building a quantum computer

    thank you
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • The Way Forward

    The Way Forward
    May 4 2020
    If only the way forward was clear
    instead, it's like watching a movie
    on a faulty monitor screen
    that keeps flashing on and off

    If only the way forward was clear
    but it's like walking through a storm
    and the wind is blowing you backwards
    while the rain stings your face

    If only the way forward was clear
    but it's like trying to see a beautiful body
    through glass bricks
    in a bathroom

    if only the way forward, could be clear
    but it's like trying to play a game
    that no-one ever taught you
    where the rules are always changing

    If only the way forward was clear
    there'd be a sign, pointing clearly
    in one direction
    instead of spinning in the wind

    If only the way forward was clear
    there'd be trails of bodies
    on the paths that shouldn't be taken
    piling up and blocking the way

    If only the way forward was clear
    then the world wouldn't sound like an orchestra
    forever tuning their instrumentswhile the first note of the concert is never played

    (move forward
    take a couple of steps
    turn right
    take two steps forward again
    turn left)

    If only the way forward was clear
    but it's like someone whispering directions
    in your left ear
    while another voice recites poetry in your right

    If only the way forward was clear...
    Show More Show Less
    2 mins
  • Jesus Vibration

    Jesus Vibration
    Apr 26 2020
    The vibration began in Jesus' pocket
    It wouldn't normally be a problem
    but Jesus was in the middle of a live stream
    with his iPhone connected to his AirPods

    Unfortunately, there was a bug in the software
    which sent the vibrating and buzzing
    over the top of his audible address
    to millions of his fans and followers

    Meanwhile, Kanye had joined the room
    and was also live on the voice channel
    along with Taylor Swift, who was already there
    She's always been a big fan of Jesus

    The buzzing didn't stop
    Indeed, it only got louder across the airwaves
    awakening in Kanye a certain sense of artistic absurdism
    He began to repeat the phrase 'doo doo dum dum?'
    The pitch went up at the end like that
    apparently signifying a question
    He kept saying it, over and over
    while the buzzing continued
    'doo doo dum dum?'

    Taylor started giggling
    and whispered a question to Jesus
    with imitation tears
    'Jesus, what are you trying to say to us?'
    Jesus knew that this entire live stream
    was compromised
    He couldn't work out how to stop the buzzing
    which was still growing louder
    And Kanye continued, 'doo doo dum dum?'
    Jesus replied to Taylor with as much authority as he could manage
    aided by turning up the reverb on his console 'I don't know'

    The words echoed around the globe
    For some followers this was all too much
    and they tuned out
    Others waited
    to see what would happen next
    'doo doo dum dum?'

    Thousands of trolls were now typing into the live chat window
    insensitive comments and hurtful remarks
    however true, difficult to read
    for the small number of true followers left
    But none of this had any effect on Jesus
    He had removed his headphones
    and was no longer listening, to anyone
    He's been missing ever since
    Show More Show Less
    3 mins
  • Elon's First Principles

    Elon's First Principles
    Apr 20 2020
    Did you hear what Elon's up to?

    He wants to plug our brains
    directly into computers
    so we don't have to wait so long
    when we Google something

    He's also going to send some of us into space
    He's already launched a car up there
    It's still flying around the sun
    It has travelled further than any other car
    in the history of cars

    Elon, his name even sounds like a planet
    Did you hear what he did in South Australia
    when they had problems with their power infrastructure?
    He made them a big battery, the biggest ever.

    Did you hear what Elon said about Lidar?
    Lidar is like radar for self-driving cars
    But Elon worked out you don't even need it
    Because you can do it all with regular cameras
    Huh

    Did you see Elon on Joe Rogan
    when he smoked that joint?
    He didn't even get high
    I guess because he's already such a space man
    or maybe just because he bumsucked

    What about Elon's tunnel drilling company?
    It's called the 'Boring' company
    which some people might say is ironic
    But it's not really

    When Elon's Cybertruck got a broken window at the product launch
    It could've been a PR disaster
    Instead, a toy company made a remote control version
    With a cracked window decal
    and everyone had a laugh

    Also, you know
    that project you're working on
    Do you know what Elon would do?
    He'd strip it right back
    to first principles
    You might get a little frustrated
    because you thought you were almost there, almost finished
    But Elon would explain that you didn't think it through hard enough yet
    You didn't really break it down
    into first principles
    like he would

    In a strange way,
    Elon can see into the future
    But that's hardly surprising really
    because he's making the future

    Thanks Elon.
    Show More Show Less
    3 mins