With the summer transfer window heating up, Helen and Dave are locking themselves in the studio for Episode 17 to dig into the players who completely divide the fanbase. We are looking at Newcastle United figures past and present, throwing away the generic stat sheets, and sharing our highly personal, unfiltered picks for the players who have given us total emotional whiplash

In this episode:

The Heartbreak Heroes (Loved Them, Then Didn't): We talk about the players who had us completely under their spell until a sudden transfer, a bad attitude, or a spectacular fall from grace ruined the romance.

The Apology Form (Didn't Love Them, Then Did): We swallow our pride and hand out some long-overdue apologies. Who are the players we wrote off entirely, only for them to put in a shift, prove us completely wrong, and win our hearts?

The Ultimate Underachievers (Biggest Disappointment): The ones who arrived with massive price tags, world class reputations, or heaps of potential, but ended up leaving us completely cold.

The Shock Packages (Biggest Surprise): The squad players, utility men, or bargain buys who had no right to become as crucial or as loved as they did.

The Present Day Great Divide: We debate the current members of Eddie Howe’s squad who still can't seem to get a unanimous verdict from the Gallowgate end. Why does one good game buy them three months of grace for some fans, while others are ready to sell them every Saturday?

Prepare for some seriously heated household debates and a few confessions. Get Tooned In!

With the summer break giving us time to breathe, Helen and Dave are dedicating Episode 16 to the lifeblood of the club: The NUFC Fandom. We are stripping away the tactics and the transfer rumors to dive deep into what it truly means to wear the black and white stripes, looking at the brilliant, and sometimes baffling, sides of our community, and sharing the personal memories that hooked us for life.

In this episode:

The Geordie Identity: What makes Newcastle fans so unique? We discuss the intense local pride, the community spirit that takes over the city on matchdays, and how the club acts as a global badge of honor for anyone from Tyneside.

Navigating the Rivals: Whether it's living with a house divided, dealing with banter at work, or surviving the sheer pettiness of our 'friends down the road,' we talk about the art of surviving rival fanbases without losing your mind.

Our First Matches: Helen and Dave take a trip down memory lane to share their own origin stories. From that very first walk up the Gallowgate steps to the sights, sounds, and smells that made us realize there was no turning back.

And Finally... The Height Premium: To wrap things up, Helen puts Dave firmly on the spot with a chaotic game of Higher or Lower based entirely on the physical statures of the current NUFC squad. Can he accurately guess who stands taller between Dan Burn and the rest of the lads, or will his spatial awareness let him down?

Since Helen mentions it nearly every episode we are finally putting to bed one of the biggest transfer wounds in recent Newcastle United history 🖤🤍

With the summer break well underway, Helen and Dave are finally locking themselves in the studio to dissect the saga that defined our entire 2025/26 campaign before it even kicked off. We are talking about *that* summer. The summer the financial rules bit hard, the PSR panic set in, and our world-class talisman Alexander Isak was sold to Liverpool.

In this episode:

Anatomy of a Mega-Sale: We revisit the chaotic final weeks of last summer’s transfer window. What actually happened behind closed doors? We trace the timeline from the first terrifying rumors to the absolute gut punch of seeing Alex holding up a red shirt at Anfield.

The Ripple Effect: How did losing a 20 plus goal striker reshape Eddie Howe’s entire tactical blueprint this season? We look at how it thrust William Osula into the spotlight earlier than planned and altered the chemistry of our front three.

Moving On vs. Moving Forward: Isak might have swapped Tyneside for Merseyside, but where did this leave us? We debate whether the astronomical fee was reinvested wisely and what the club must do this summer to ensure we never have to sell a superstar to a rival again.

It’s part group therapy, part tactical autopsy, and 100% unfiltered.

The football might be on summer hiatus, but we are back in the studio for an absolute masterclass in the dark arts.

With the 2025/26 season wrapped up, Helen and Dave are tackling one of the most beautiful, controversial, and fundamentally misunderstood concepts in the entire game: Shithousery. It’s a word we throw around every week on the mics, but today we are putting it under the microscope, tracking its history, and arguing over who wears the ultimate crown on Tyneside.

In this episode:

The Anatomy of a Shithouse: What does the term actually mean to us as fans? We separate lazy, malicious fouls from the psychological, tactical genius that leaves an opposition player completely rattled before a ball is even kicked.

Our Personal Top 5 Countdown: The gloves come off as Helen and Dave count down their favorite Newcastle United shithouse moments of all time.

Crowning the ultimate shithouse: our very own Cup Final Kid is back to discuss Helen and Dave's selections and crown the ultimate NUFC shithouse

The final whistle has blown and it is officially time to review one of the most chaotic and stressful seasons in recent memory

We are locking ourselves in the studio for Episode 13 to hand out the official Tooned In end of season awards. From the European nights that shook the city to the brutal injury crisis that left us taped together in winter, we are looking back at how this season started, how it finished in 12th place, and what needs to happen next.

In this episode:

How It Started vs. How It Ended: We map out the expectation vs. reality. Coming off the back of a massive Carabao Cup run last year, we discuss how a 12th place finish looks on paper compared to the reality of surviving a historic squad meltdown and a brutal Champions League exit to Barcelona.

The Official Tooned In Awards: We debate, argue, and crown our winners.

The Summer Rebuild Blueprint: The fun part. We step into Eddie Howe's shoes and outline the exact tactical and personnel changes required to turn 12th place back into a top-four charge for the 2026/27 season. Who goes, who stays, and which position is the absolute 'first on the plane' priority?

Thank you for riding the rollercoaster with us all season. Get Tooned In one last time for 2025/26!

The curtain has officially come down on the 2025/26 (thank goodness, Helen reckons).

In this episode, we are recapping our final day trip to Craven Cottage to face Fulham. It’s the final 90 minutes of a rollercoaster year, but this week the real action happened off the pitch.

The Final Day Review: We break down the tactical final stand of the season against Fulham. Did we finish on a high, or were we all just ready for the beach?

The Neighborly Negativity: We unpack the bitter, petty, and downright poor sportsmanship we’ve experienced from our 'friends down the road' recently. Why are they so obsessed with our downfall when they should just be celebrating their rare success?

Why Can't We All Just Be Nice?: We dive into a deep, philosophical (and highly emotional) debate on modern football fandom. Seriously, why is it so hard for some supporters to just be decent human beings? Is internet culture completely destroying the joy of the game?

Helen's Jelly Moment: The biggest talking point of the weekend. Helen completely loses all motor skills and turns into a literal bowl of jelly when she finds herself face to face and having an actual conversation with the sexiest man in football; Fabian Schar.

#NUFC #NewcastleUnited #ToonedIn #FulhamNewcastle #CravenCottage #PremierLeague #FootballFans #FinalDay

A winning send off at St. James' Park, but the co-host seat looks a little different this week!

With regular co-host Dave away on holiday, Helen is flying solo... well, almost. Together, Helen and Dave 2.0 break down a brilliant, 3-1 victory over West Ham that has sent the Hammers packing to the brink of the Championship and kept our hunt for the neighbors in 11th alive down to the final day.

In this episode:

We dissect Nuno’s bizarre back-three tactical gift to us..

Nick Woltemade shining in his proper No. 10 role

William Osula bagging an absolute beauty of a brace those post-goal dance moves?! 🕺⚽

Is it ever okay to secretly want your own team to lose? We dive into the complex psychology of the final weeks of the season when shifting league positions change everything.

The Kieran Trippier Legacy: An emotional 85th-minute standing ovation marked the final home appearance for the man who kickstarted the entire PIF era.

The 'Barcode' Debate: The 2026/27 Adidas home kit leaks are everywhere, and the reviews are... mixed. We give our unfiltered thoughts on the massive central black stripe and that controversial blue trim.

We’re back to dissect a bittersweet Sunday afternoon at the City Ground. Newcastle looked set to make it two wins on the bounce thanks to another clinical Harvey Barnes strike, only for our own academy graduate Elliot Anderson to pop up with an 88th-minute equalizer.

In this episode we also talk about:

* The Anthony Gordon 'Saga': With reports of personal terms agreed with Bayern Munich we ask the big question: Has Anthony Gordon played his last game in Black and White?

*Integrity & The Dark Side: We dive into a serious discussion on player integrity and the recent global headlines regarding match-fixing. How do we keep the beautiful game beautiful?

* The Final SJP Send-off: Looking ahead to Sunday’s massive clash against West Ham. The Hammers are 18th and fighting for survival, can we send them closer to the drop while hunting down the neighbors for that 11th-place spot?

There are only 180 minutes of football left this season. Let’s make them count.