What happens when your internal drive for perfection meets a deep-seated fear of disconnection? In this episode, we sit down with Anna to pull back the curtain on the complex internal world of an Enneagram Type One navigating an Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style, as well as working toward security.

For many "Ones," the world is a series of things to be fixed, but for Anna, that drive for "rightness" often turns inward, manifesting as a relentless inner critic. When you layer that with an anxious attachment style, the stakes of every relationship and parenting decision feel incredibly high.

• The Perfectionist’s Burden: How the Type One "Inner Critic" can turn anger into self-criticism and how that impacts emotional health.
• The Anxiety of Disconnection: Navigating the "Anxious-Preoccupied" spiral when relationships feel distant or expectations aren't met.
• Parenting with Pressure: The delicate balance of praising a child’s heart versus expecting perfection, and the fear of "getting it wrong."
• The Power of the Sabbath for a One: How practicing a literal day of rest has become a transformative tool for surrendering control in a busy, high-pressure life.
• A One’s need for physical resources to let go of anger.
• Finding "Goodness" in the Mess: Moving from a life of rigid standards to a life of deep connection, play, and spiritual peace.

Whether you’re a fellow "reforming perfectionist" or someone trying to understand the anxious heart of a loved one who lives in the black and white vs gray, this conversation is a gentle reminder that you don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love.

"The journey isn't about silencing the inner critic; it's about learning that even when things aren't 'right,' we are still held."

Interested in signing up for the Soul Care Companions Cohort? Click the link below

https://mailchi.mp/8d2a9df7cca2/soul-care_companions_cohort

Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook: @transformingus

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/

As we launch Season 2, we want to offer you more than just a podcast to listen to—we want to offer you a community to grow with. Today I am just dropping in with this invitation, and we will be sharing our first episode next week with my dear friend Anna Palmer Enneagram 1.

Many of the struggles we discuss today—perfectionism, the need for control, and the feeling of isolation—are exactly what we address in our upcoming Soul Care Companions Cohort. This is a 9-week intentional journey designed to help your "inner being" finally breathe.

What We’ll Practice Together:

1. The Examen: Finding God’s small gifts in the mundane.
2. Breath Prayers: Rhythms to find rest when life feels hurried.
3. Meditative Scripture: Slowing down to see what surfaces when we aren't "performing" for the text.

The Journey through Henri Nouwen’s Reaching Out:

Following the wisdom of Henri Nouwen, we will journey through three essential spiritual shifts:

1. From Loneliness to Solitude: Moving from isolation to a grounded heart.
2. From Hostility to Hospitality: Moving from "defensive bracing" to a welcoming presence.
3. From Illusion to Prayer: Letting go of the "illusion of control" and reaching toward God.

1. When: Every Friday, Feb 6th – April 3rd (Leading us through the season of Lent).
2. Where: Online via Zoom at 7:00 PM ET.
3. Investment: $20 for Week 1 (The total commitment is an additional $160, which can be split into two monthly payments of $80).

How to Register: click here https://mailchi.mp/8d2a9df7cca2/soul-care_companions_cohort

Send your $20 deposit via Venmo to @jessica-vangsnes.

Once confirmed, you will receive the official meeting link and cohort details via email.

Discover more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.

Youtube: @transformingus

Instagram: @transformingus

Facebook:

The playful spark that started it all often gets buried under life's demands. But what if the key to a healthy, resilient romantic partnership is simply remembering to be friends?

Join Tamara and Jess as they dive into the vital significance of cultivating a rhythm of friendship, play, and laughter within romantic relationships. They discuss why intentional fun and shared adventures aren't just luxuries—they're essential components for nurturing connection, diffusing stress, and deepening joy.

• Discover how prioritizing play can act as a powerful stress diffuser, lightening the load for both partners.
• Learn practical tips for "scheduling the fun" and being intentional about carving out time for connection, even with low-effort activities.
• Hear personal reflections on the magic of laughter and shared novelty ("It re-tricks your brain to like something new") and how simple routine shifts can enhance bonding.

This episode is an encouraging reminder to reclaim the friendship aspect of your partnership, emphasizing that joy and intentionality are the keys to a thriving relationship.

Discover more about their coaching and resources at their website transformingus.org.

Youtube: Transforming Us Community

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196

Mentioned in this episode:

Need Coaching?

https://www.transformingus.org/