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Unspoken Expectations Create Chaos: ADHD, Marriage & Communication

Unspoken Expectations Create Chaos: ADHD, Marriage & Communication

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Unspoken expectations are silent relationship killers — especially in ADHD marriages. In this episode, Janine VanStee sits down with leadership expert and relationship strategist David Kiwimagi (Kiwi Coaching) to unpack why unspoken expectations turn into resentment, how ADHD and RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) amplify conflict, and what couples can do to communicate better right now.

Kiwi shares powerful stories from his marriage, his Navy background, and his work coaching couples in business together. From the “his business / her business / not your business” framework to the simple 3-page exercise that can transform household expectations, Kiwi gives practical tools wrapped in humor, vulnerability, and wisdom.

In this episode, we explore:

  • Why unspoken expectations create chaos
  • How to turn expectations into clear agreements
  • How ADHD + RSD intensify misunderstandings
  • The “You and Me vs. the Problem” argument-fixing mindset
  • Why environment matters more than trying to “manage” feelings
  • Hyperfocus, humor, and ADHD superpowers in relationships
  • Why conflict doesn’t have to be destructive — it can be growth fuel

If you’re in a relationship impacted by ADHD, communication struggles, emotional intensity, or business-life overlap, this conversation will hit home.

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