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Willpower

Willpower

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 Welcome to a new episode about the psychology of willpower—why self-control feels so hard, how it gets depleted, and what that means for our everyday lives. I’m glad you’re here, because today we’re going to take a deep dive into the hidden mechanisms behind why we get so tired, why resisting temptations can feel impossible, and how the demands of modern life might be draining our mental energy in ways we don’t even realize. Whether you’re struggling to resist checking your phone, trying to stick to a diet, or just wondering why you feel so exhausted after a day at the office, this episode is for you. Let’s explore together how willpower works, why it sometimes fails us, and what we can do to manage this precious resource a little better. Let’s start with a simple but unsettling idea: your brain lies to you. Everything you experience is filtered through layers of unconscious biases and neuroses. In fact, much of what you think and feel is shaped by hidden corners of your mind, and if you’re not careful, you can end up believing things about yourself and the world that just aren’t true. But if you pay close attention, there’s a real chance to understand yourself better—and maybe even change how you use your willpower. So, what exactly is willpower? At its core, willpower is the ability to override immediate impulses in order to achieve a long-term goal. It’s what helps you say no to cake when you’re trying to eat healthier, or resist the urge to check your phone when you’re supposed to be working. In psychological terms, this is called self-regulation. And here’s the thing: willpower is a limited resource. Just like a muscle, it can get tired if you use it too much. If you spend your day constantly resisting temptations—whether it’s sweets, distractions, or emotional reactions—you’ll eventually run out of steam. Researchers at the University of Oslo have found that willpower has declined dramatically in the Norwegian population. We live in a society where everyone expects their needs to be satisfied immediately. Think about how different things were for our parents or grandparents, who might have saved for years to buy a new sofa or apartment. Today, we want everything now. Professor Paul Kraft, who has spent over 20 years studying willpower, says that our ability to wait for rewards is much weaker than it used to be. And that has big consequences—not just for individuals, but for society as a whole. Why do some people seem to have strong willpower, while others struggle? Part of it is genetic. Some people are born with more self-control, just like some people are born with more physical strength. But environment matters too—especially how we’re raised. And crucially, willpower is a finite resource. If you use it too much, you’ll get mentally exhausted and need to rest. Maybe we’re living in a world that demands so much self-control that we’re constantly stretching our willpower muscle to the breaking point. Let’s look at an example. Imagine you’re trying to resist checking your phone every time it buzzes. Even if you succeed, it takes mental energy to ignore those notifications. You might feel proud for not giving in, but that effort drains your willpower, leaving you with less energy for the next challenge—like resisting dessert after dinner, or staying patient with your kids. Just like your physical muscles, your mental muscles can be trained to endure more over time, but they also need rest. I didn’t always think much about willpower, until I read Roy Baumeister’s book on the subject. It opened my eyes to just how central this ability is in our lives. Baumeister describes willpower as a kind of energy that can be used up, and he backs it up with some fascinating experiments. One story that really illustrates this is about the musician Amanda Palmer. She’s known for her wild, chaotic stage persona—think of a punk rock Lady Gaga or a provocative Madonna. But to create that kind of character, she needed an incredible amount of self-discipline. In 1998, when she was 22, she started performing as a living statue in Boston, dressed as an eight-foot-tall bride. She would stand perfectly still for hours, giving a rose to anyone who put money in her box. It sounds simple, but it’s actually one of the hardest things you can do—not physically, but mentally. Imagine standing there, staring at a fixed point, while people you know walk by, or someone tries to distract you, or even spits at you. She had to resist every impulse to react, to scratch her nose, to respond to provocation. After a few hours, she was completely drained—not physically, but psychologically. She felt empty, unable to think, needing to go home and collapse before doing it all again the next day. What Amanda Palmer was really training was her willpower. And willpower, it turns out, behaves a lot like a muscle. Use it too much, and you get a kind of psychological ...
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