Showing results for "Brown" in Humorous

Clay Cooper and his band were once the best of the best - the meanest, dirtiest, most feared and admired crew of mercenaries this side of the Heartwyld. But their glory days are long past; the mercs have grown apart and grown old, fat, drunk - or a combination of the three. Then a former bandmate turns up at Clay's door with a plea for help: his daughter Rose is trapped in a city besieged by an enemy horde 100,000 strong and hungry for blood.

If there's one rule Hester learned during her country upbringing, it's never accept a gift: that's how the Folk get you. Although she's left her farm behind, she can't leave her superstitions. She's looking for loopholes, and the king's annual Commoners Ball seems like the perfect way to get a free meal that's not technically a gift—and it would have been, too, except a pesky prince took a shine to her.

Starting a new job is always stressful (especially when you don't particularly want one), but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of J. W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organisation that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins.

Davi isn't your average zoomer. For starters, she's somehow become trapped in a fantasy world - and not one full of rainbows and unicorns, but one packed with all manner of terrifying monsters and deadly magic. Proper Lord of the Rings stuff. And, for reasons unknown, the humans of the Kingdom look to her for protection against the Dark Lord. To make matters worse, Davi's stuck in a time loop. So every time she fails to defeat the Dark Lord (which is every time) she has to start over. But Davi has a plan. What if instead of trying to defeat the Dark Lord...she becomes the Dark Lord instead?

Monsters are roaming the streets of London. Of course, some monsters are scarier than others: Unicorns? No bother. Vampires? Big deal. Werewolves? Ho hum. Lawyers? … Aaargh! Duncan's boss doesn't think that he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn’t a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan’s life, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies and snow-white unicorns, it’s not long before things become distinctly unsettling.

Bryce and Zambrano must team up with friends, foes, and a demon duck to face an apocalyptic evil in the final installment of this energetic urban fantasy. The biggest downside to most assistant jobs is the endless coffee runs. But for Bryce Alexander, schlepping breakfast orders pales in...

Ever since Bryce Alexander and the infamous dark sorcerer Zambrano saved Earth by launching the demon duke Vulkatherak into the sun, things have been quiet. Zambrano is off doing whatever it is dark sorcerers do for fun, and Bryce has been taking advantage of the perks that come from supposedly evil internships, including free gym access and unlimited takeout. But when Zambrano reappears with a mission to infiltrate the vault of legendary magician Merlin, things start to go awry.

Bryce Alexander isn't exactly on a path to wizardly renown. In fact, his latest rejection from the Arcane Arts program at the Kotodama Institute has pretty much guaranteed his dream of attending magical college is over. But rather than give in to despair and join the manager training program at Samba Smoothies, he does something incredibly daring, unexpected, and . . . stupid. He sneaks into the Queens warehouse where the Dark Sorcerer Zambrano has recently been spotted and offers up his service as an apprentice.

J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter's salary is in fact a deeply sinister organisation with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it (particularly when he fell head over heels for his colleague Sophie), but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells, unlike the stapler - that's always going AWOL. Our love-struck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings.

Jackal is proud to be a Grey Bastard, member of a sworn brotherhood of half-orcs. Unloved and unwanted in civilized society, the Bastards eke out a hard life in the desolate no-man's-land called the Lots, protecting frail and noble human civilization from invading bands of vicious full-blooded orcs. But as Jackal is soon to learn, his pride may be misplaced. Because a dark secret lies at the heart of the Bastards' existence - one that reveals a horrifying truth behind humanity's tenuous peace with the orcs, and exposes a grave danger on the horizon.

Polly, an average, completely ordinary property lawyer, is convinced she's losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's.And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out.

A heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today.... The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt. Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive.

When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them anymore, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place.

New Evil. Same as the Old Evil but with better PR. Mordak isn't bad as far as goblin kings go, but when someone or something starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms, it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a healthy breakfast.

When a handsome but clearly delusional man named Dan bursts into Frida's office and insists that she is fated to save the world, she has him ejected faster than you can say 'prenup'. But a creepy meeting, a demon or three and one attempted kidnapping later, Frida is beginning to face the inconvenient truth: Dan is in fact The Oracle, the gods of Greek mythology are real and Frida herself appears to be everyone's only hope. The world is doomed.

Life isn't treating Ben Garston very well. He's lost everything he once held dear, including the love of his life. Still, he did at least escape being dragged into hell by a malevolent spirit bent on total destruction. So there is that. Now Ben just wants to drink and forget, and drink some more. But he can't. Not yet. Because someone is stirring up trouble. Someone who wants to unravel the powerful magic that was spun all those centuries ago and watch the realm of mythology come crashing into the modern world.

Being the Dark Lord and Prince of Evil is not as much fun as it sounds, particularly if you are a basically decent person. King Mordak is just such a person. Technically he's more goblin than person, but the point is that he is really keen to be a lot less despicable than his predecessors. Not that the other goblins appreciate Mordak's attempts to redefine the role. Why should they when his new health-care program seems designed to actually extend life expectancy, and his efforts to end a perfectly reasonable war with the dwarves appear to have become an obsession?       

After narrowly avoiding the end of the world, the leaders of Heaven and Hell are struggling to collaborate according to the terms of their new treaty - especially because angels and demons are, quite literally, allergic to each other. Seeking a solution, the powers that be decide to see if the allergy persists on Earth by sending an angel and demon on a research trip, first stop: New York City. And what better chaperone than Dr Greta Helsing, who happens to owe Hell a few favours of her own? 

Welcome to Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson! The team of commercial sorcerers at Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson can help with any metaphysical engineering project, large or small. (Though by definition, they all tend to be pretty large.) They can also create massive great puddles of chaos that might one day swallow up the entire universe. Take, for example, the decision to recruit a certain bearded fellow whose previous work experience mainly involves reindeer and jingle bells. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but is he really the best person to save the world from Tiamat the Destroyer?

In the town of Night Vale, there's a faceless old woman who secretly lives in everyone's home, but no one knows how she got there or where she came from...until now. Told in a series of eerie flashbacks, the story of the Woman is revealed, as she guides, haunts and sabotages an unfortunate Night Vale resident named Craig. In the end, her dealings with Craig and her history in 19th century Europe will come together in the most unexpected and horrifying way.