Showing results for "John" in Humorous

Absalom Scryne, the greatest wizard of his generation, has been murdered. There's no other explanation for why his consciousness now resides in his well-worn but perfectly pointed hat. Well, he isn't going to take that lying down . . . or hanging from a branch, as the case may be.

Isekaied into a level 86 Necromancer-King's body, I leave his life of war behind in favor of peace in the idyllic Borderlands. Upon meeting the elven maiden Narya Summerdew and a razor-toothed half-elven child, the three of us form an unlikely improvised family in the hopes of remaining anonymous. As we embrace the eccentric community of Gelderham, we find happiness in simplicity…But my past casts shadows on our growing bonds. How will Narya react when she learns her new husband was once the evil king set on destroying her people?

What could be simpler? On my very first day in this world, I was given the title of a count along with all the trimmings: a castle, name, lands and power. You'd think I had it made, but no . . . They seized my castle, took my lands, and now, I'm surrounded by enemies. Moreover, it's nothing but one headache after another with the authorities. And even though I wrested my castle back, the neighbors aren't going anywhere, and they live and breathe to tear off chunks of my land, and eliminate me, the new head of the family.

Stacia Reynolds, the famous White Werewolf, plucked from her quiet Vermont life and thrust into the supernatural world. Rescued from mauling by the Hammer of God himself, transformed into one of the most skilled weres in the world, stepping from impoverishment to fame and fortune, and destined to become partner to the most powerful witch ever. This is a story for Demon Accords fans, told by Stacia, in her own words.

Mack Sutton is a normal guy who just happens to attend a very abnormal school. In a college where the pretty girls can kill you with a whisper and most of the guys can bench press a car, Mack and his sister Jetta are just run of the mill people—or are they?

Partying to death? A parlous party at the Castle Perilous comes to a dead halt when the body of viscount Oren is discovered and foul play is suspected. But who is the killer? And where is the murder weapon? The rambunctious revelers at Castle P. join in a treacherous treasure hunt for party favors of a decidedly deadly nature . . . the murder weapon must be hidden behind one of the 144,000 doors, or will it be buried in the back of the next victim?

Castle Perilous is still tottering from last year's battle with the Hosts of Hell, and regaining stability proves a hard balancing act. Before Jeremy can design a program to calm the tremors of the universe, an alternative wicked reality appears that threatens to topple everything! Castle P. must face its evil twin, replete with its own dastardly doppleganger army—with the shadow self ensues as Good and Evil battle it out in the 144,000th dimension!

Castle Perilous is a magic castle full of mystery and adventure, but sometimes even magic castles can go awry. This particular castle has the power to send its guests to 144,000 alternate worlds, each a fantastic voyage to the unknown. But each voyage seems to backfire. Computer whiz kid Jeremy is stuck on a planet of golf-playing dinosaurs. Gentrified Gene finds himself on a planet overrun with amazon women where the queen has taken a particular shine to him and only the Lord of the Castle Incarnadine can stop this witty madness from shaking Castle Kidnapped to its foundations.

When the king of a magical castle ventures into the realm of the dead, creatures of all kinds vie for the throne in the sequel to Castle Perilous. Who will claim the throne now that Lord Incarnadine, King of the Realms Perilous, is dead? Under a mysterious spell cast by a mischief-maker, all of Castle Perilous's 144,000 creatures of curiosity clamor for the crown. Outside of the castle's coveting fray, Gene flies off with an adventurous Amazon in supernatural manifestation and Lord Inky explores the dark mysteries that lurk in the realm of the dead!

Imagine life in an ironically magical world where 144,000 doors separate fiction from reality. A place that can hypnotize even the most grounded philosophy major and deliver a fantastical rhyme to his reason. A place where a best buddy resembles a shaggy carpet, and adventures surpass a boy's dreams . . . welcome to Castle Perilous.

There never seems to be a dull moment for the inhabitants and visitors of Castle Perilous. Adventure and folly are contagious when Lord Incarnadine hosts a legion of bizarre guests, including a bunch of infuriated Greeks bearing a gift horse, reckless thieves, gladiators, and painted ladies. 144,000 doors welcome the most unwelcome of partygoers to the Realms Perilous, where magic and mystery send everyone spinning in hilarious new directions.

All stories come to an end, and thankfully this one is very cozy. In the final installment of Dark Lord of the Farmstead, find out what becomes of the Stillwater family. Mild spoilers: it's wholesome.

With old allies and enemies clamoring to meet and negotiate with the new "Bright Lord of Gelderham", the world of Etherion seems destined to return to a new age of stability at last. Closer to home, now that Kaya has joined the family, the dynamic in the Stillwater household has changed forever. Children grow older, and the community grows closer. Gelderham always prospers, but uncertainties linger in spite of all this happiness. Several mysteries still loom over the heads of Gray and his family, in particular.

Brynn was the first to ever activate the world’s hidden Prestige Mode, granting powerful perks at the cost of his godhood and all memories of his past life. Now, he’s at rock bottom in a brutal world where leveling is so deadly most people never try, powerful classes evolve through corestones, and loot is awarded through system-granted achievements. Armed with nothing but a magical helmet and an empty Alchemist’s Kit left behind by his former self, the ex-paramedic must grind his way back to divinity, level-by-level. But regaining his power won’t be his greatest challenge…

San Diego's zombie prince, Simon, may be long dead, but his descendants are still around and kicking, and one of them, his great-great granddaughter, just went missing. Now, Simon wants John to track her down. John has never worked across state lines before, but clearly that's going to change.

Old Man's War author John Scalzi's sendup of the heroic fantasy genre, a finalist for the Hugo Award for Best Short Story. An over-the-top, humorous short story representing the prologue for a "future" book (written as an April Fool's Joke) published on Tor.com. The title of the series and book...

I never asked to be Blade Mage. My fellow wizards weren’t exactly thrilled about my selection, either. Unfortunately, those weird old druids have a strict no returns policy. So I left, and for the past few years, I’ve managed to hide from my responsibilities and former life. But I always knew one day the Cabal would come looking for its precious sword. And so they have, but only because a heinous crime has occurred....

Daring heists. Clever schemes. Snarky quips in the face of danger. Meet Jerrell Landish: A thief, a con artist, and an utter rogue. Clever, inventive, and skilled, he executes plots that astound his patrons and confound his enemies. When Jerrell hires out his services, he soon discovers that the schemes of ambitious wizards involve risks any sane person would avoid. Well, this thief is just crazy enough to manipulate the ruling wizard class against one another...until he finds himself the victim of even greater machinations.

Paige isn't looking forward to spending her summer trying to wrangle kids who can turn into animals. But no matter her own feelings, family comes first. This job is the only way she can afford to send her little brother Archie back to camp this year—and now, more than ever, he has to get better control of his bear. All she has to do is keep her head down, work hard, and make sure Archie doesn't get distracted from his shifting lessons. There's just one problem, and it's six-foot-five and wearing a suit. The charismatic, confident, devastatingly attractive camp manager…