Showing results for "Onions" in Literature & Fiction
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The World Is at a Loss over Who to Admire after Tom Hanks Murders 5 Californians
- Written by: The Onion
- Narrated by: Doyle Redland
- Length: 1 min
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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The World Is at a Loss over Who to Admire after Tom Hanks Murders 5 Californians
- Narrated by: Doyle Redland
- Length: 1 min
- Release Date: 13-12-17
- Language: English
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A Bewildered Local Woman Reports That She Somehow Wasn't Harassed Today
- Written by: The Onion
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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A Bewildered Local Woman Reports That She Somehow Wasn't Harassed Today
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 13-07-17
- Language: English
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₹48.00 or free with 30-day trial
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An Area Woman's Baseless Hatred of Anne Hathaway Is Reciprocated
- Written by: The Onion
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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An Area Woman's Baseless Hatred of Anne Hathaway Is Reciprocated
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 19-07-17
- Language: English
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A Local Man Experimented With Sex Back in College
- Written by: The Onion
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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A Local Man Experimented With Sex Back in College
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 28-12-16
- Language: English
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A Local Man Pours All His Culinary Talents Into Inserting and Removing a Pizza From His Oven
- Written by: The Onion
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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A Local Man Pours All His Culinary Talents Into Inserting and Removing a Pizza From His Oven
- Narrated by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 27-07-17
- Language: English
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FedEx Confirms That More Than 600,000 People Try to Mail Themselves Each Year
- Written by: The Onion
- Narrated by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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FedEx officials say the allure of being delivered in 3-5 business days is just too much to pass up.
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FedEx Confirms That More Than 600,000 People Try to Mail Themselves Each Year
- Narrated by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 22-09-17
- Language: English
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The Nation's Joggers Are Sick and Tired of Finding Dead Bodies
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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The athletes say they don’t have time to be consoled with a blanket and hot coffee while police ask tedious questions.
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The Nation's Joggers Are Sick and Tired of Finding Dead Bodies
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 17-11-17
- Language: English
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The White House Jester Is Beheaded for Making Fun of the Soaring National Debt
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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Mocking the national debt proved deadly for the entertainer.
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The White House Jester Is Beheaded for Making Fun of the Soaring National Debt
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 20-12-16
- Language: English
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The US Supreme Court Unanimously Upholds the Concealed Gavel Law
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: 1 min
- Original Recording
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The judges say automatic and sawed-off gavels will be protected under the law.
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The US Supreme Court Unanimously Upholds the Concealed Gavel Law
- Length: 1 min
- Release Date: 06-06-17
- Language: English
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A Group of Popular Girls Reduces the Nation to Tears
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: 1 min
- Original Recording
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The White house recommends no one makes direct eye contact with the mean girls.
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A Group of Popular Girls Reduces the Nation to Tears
- Length: 1 min
- Release Date: 26-06-17
- Language: English
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Scientist Teach Sign Language to a Man in a Gorilla Suit
- Written by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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Scientists add that he’s the most compassionate gorilla-suited man they have come across.
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Scientist Teach Sign Language to a Man in a Gorilla Suit
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 31-07-17
- Language: English
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A Rare Autographed Portrait of Jesus Is Purchased at an Estate Sale
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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Experts say the cursive loops on the ‘J’ and ‘C’ signal that the signature is the real deal.
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A Rare Autographed Portrait of Jesus Is Purchased at an Estate Sale
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 01-08-17
- Language: English
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The U.S. Signs the Declaration of Dependence on China
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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The document says henceforth the well being of all Americans will rely completely on China.
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The U.S. Signs the Declaration of Dependence on China
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 29-08-17
- Language: English
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A New Bipartisan Law Makes Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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Lawmakers say the bill was spurred by reports that only 1 in 5 dogs wore neckerchiefs.
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A New Bipartisan Law Makes Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 03-08-17
- Language: English
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A New Forced Retirement Community Opens Its Doors
- Written by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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The community offers meal package to suit any substandard severance package.
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A New Forced Retirement Community Opens Its Doors
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 21-06-17
- Language: English
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After Rallying for Three Days to Save the Local Theater, Residents Lose Interest
- Written by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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After Rallying for Three Days to Save the Local Theater, Residents Lose Interest
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 19-10-16
- Language: English
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A Man on a First Date Cunningly Leaves Behind One of His Fingers
- Written by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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A Man on a First Date Cunningly Leaves Behind One of His Fingers
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 15-12-16
- Language: English
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Woman Deviously Alters Her Appearance to Give the Illusion of Youth and Fertility
- Written by: Marichelle Kawachi
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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Woman Deviously Alters Her Appearance to Give the Illusion of Youth and Fertility
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 14-10-16
- Language: English
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The Nation Is about Due for Another Big Cult Suicide
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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The Nation Is about Due for Another Big Cult Suicide
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 10-12-16
- Language: English
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Chinese Citizens Gather in Beijing to Watch the U.S. National Debt Clock Strike $18 Trillion
- Written by: Doyle Redland
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Original Recording
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This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.
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Chinese Citizens Gather in Beijing to Watch the U.S. National Debt Clock Strike $18 Trillion
- Length: Less than 1 minute
- Release Date: 05-12-17
- Language: English
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