Showing results for "The Original Story" in Satire

Acclaimed author of The Adults Alison Espach’s short story "In-Depth Market Research Interviews with Dead People" is an at-once hilarious and heart-breaking portrait of a dead woman’s marriage and the Volvo that stood in the middle of it all.

Lucas knows the perfect night entails just three things: video games, wine, and pad thai. Peanuts are a must! Other people? Not so much. Why complicate things when he’s happy alone? Then one day the apartment board, a vexing trio of authority, rings his doorbell. And Lucas’s solitude takes a startling hike. They demand to see his frying pan. Someone left one next to the recycling room overnight, and instead of removing the errant object, as Lucas suggests, they insist on finding the guilty party. But their plan backfires. Colossally.

Barbara Lee Handbook (pronounced “Hanbok”), whom fans will know as Barbie Moran, the ‘80s bombshell and star of the cult sci-fi film Weird Menace, sits down with Director Toner Low to discuss the making of the classic film - set on a distant planet, featuring mutant attackers, cyber ladies of the 34th century, and no shortage of warring spaceships - for the Blu-ray edition, in this absurdly funny and poignant meditation on art, legacy, and our ambivalence about the life choices that define us.

When Sam’s wife first tells him about Vitek, a twenty-first-century fertility lab, he sees it as the natural next step in trying to help their future child get a “leg up” in a competitive world. But the more Sam considers the lives that his child could lead, the more he begins to question his own relationships and the choices he has made in his life.

If we were as tiny as ants to another being, what would they make of our philosophies? The great satirist Voltaire imagines alien visitors who have opinions. Bedtime stories are narrated by the world's most celebrated voices and written with no beginning, middle, or end so you don't stay up to hear what happens next. They're interesting enough to give your mind something to focus on, but delivered in a way that encourages sleep.

The siblings say the stories are making them sick.

After her latest life-altering wig switch, Janet slips into leather leggings, quits her job, goes full advance on her barista crush, and makes a career commitment to her bestie, Candace. The follow-through? Not pretty. With guilt and betrayal hanging over her head (not to mention that dangerous, if fetching, wig), Janet must comb out the mess she’s made. And there’s only one way to do it.

Janet Williams is practically invisible. If only she had the pluck to speak up at work, flirt with the handsome barista she sees every day, and realize how special she is. When a magical wig offers Janet a chance to shake things up, will she dare to try a bold new style? The voice in her head - flashy and fierce, with an unbridled southern drawl - tells her to go for it. And once she does, there’s no turning back.

Lady Miss Jacqueline swears that hair makes a difference. And it does! Now Janet is taking charge on the job and making moves on a local barista she’s always shied away from. But when her brash new Lady Miss drawl gets all the wrong attention, Janet realizes that she needs to change her style - and her wig. It’s all a matter of finding the perfect fit.

After slipping on Chelsea - a magical wig that comes with a gregarious personality - Janet is making strides at work and has a new friend and a confident strut. Life is fab. Isn’t it? Honestly, there’s something missing. Where’s the adventure? The purpose? What she needs is to tap into her inner daredevil. But her mystical wigmaker has a word of caution: should Janet lose control, it might not be so easy to get it back.

Joel Dunbar, the last branch of an Appalachian family tree, accepts a mysterious invitation from a billionaire plutocrat to attend a conservation expo in San Francisco. The rock star environmentalist has startling plans for the future and a caveat for Joel: Don’t ask too many questions, and don’t divulge any answers. But when Joel befriends a rebellious eco-friendly Arizona rancher, he’s roped into a new kind of war, with new kinds of casualties.

Now the Congress of Animals is in control, unforgiving, and debating the fate of the planet’s most reviled species. The popular ruling: Exterminate humankind without exception. But a curious mare, coming of age, is making a case for a seemingly gentle person she longs to save - a wish for mercy that could once again unbalance the new and righteous nature of the world.

It’s bad enough that its venom-dripping chelicerae can slice through flesh like warm butter. Worse? It’s right there under the bunk. It’s a fact now. To make it through the night, the children must obey the rules: don’t get out of bed, stay out of the shadows, and don’t wake the beast. But as the threats multiply, so do the rules of survival. And with the safety of dawn still hours away, the fun is just beginning.

In which our intrepid correspondent waxes nostalgic over the last 12 months.

In which our intrepid correspondent takes a fond look back at the year and isolates the best parts.

Questions about a green grass stain seemed to upset the man the most.

[Contains explicit content] This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.