How to Do Consent (without Sounding Like a Robot)
Learning Boundaries, Navigating Discomfort, and Getting to Know What You Really Want
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How to Do Consent (without Sounding Like a Robot)
Narrated by:
Mia Schachter
Buy Now for ₹671.06
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Narrated by:
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Mia Schachter
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Written by:
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Mia Schachter
Empowered practices, embodied skills, and frame-changing advice for navigating consent, pursuing pleasure, and building connection in the real world.
Part practical guide, part cultural critique, this book offers braver, more creative, and more empowered visions of what sex can (and should) be. Essential reading for anyone having sex in the 21st century, How to Do Consent moves the conversation past stale and rigid assumptions toward one rooted in connection, fulfillment, and self-discovery.
Timely, provocative, real-world, and affirming, Schachter’s work dispels misconceptions like:
- “Consent can be done perfectly”: When in practice, it’s relative, subjective, fluid, and interpersonal—there’s no one right way to do it.
- “If you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having it”: Abstinence lite is unrealistic; talking about sex requires experience, trial, and error.
- “Consent will save us”: Consent is a harm-reduction strategy, not a panacea.
- “Enthusiasm is a requirement for consensual sex”: Utterly unenthusiastic but totally consensual sex happens all the time. It’s fine!
- “Consent is something that men do for women”: It’s a shared, communal responsibility—and anyone of any gender can violate another’s’ boundaries.
- “Sexuality is always innate and unchangeable”: While honoring the reality that many are “born this way,” Schachter shares how their own desires and sexuality have been both fluid and actively sculpted.
Grounded in Schachter’s work as an intimacy coordinator and consent educator—and informed by insights from sex workers, therapists, kink practitioners, and community leaders—How to Do Consent (Without Sounding Like a Robot) offers a provocative and bitingly funny alternative to the myths and practices that keep us silent, confused, anxious, and disconnected—and that hold us back from asking for (and discovering) what we really want.
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Critic Reviews
“In the context of an immensely coercive and hierarchical society, it is very hard to know what we want, to ask for it, to give each other feedback when things feel bad, and to hear and consider critical feedback from others. Mia Schachter’s new book provides a nuanced exploration of consent, unflinchingly examining some of the most controversial and complicated conflicts about sex and sexual violence that are fracturing relationships, groups, and communities. Mia’s insights can help us move forward in these difficult conversations, and examine our own behaviors and assumptions so that we might treat one another with more care and get more of what we want in our lives.”
—Dean Spade, author of Mutual Aid and Love in a F*cked Up World
“Refreshingly, Schachter expands our understanding and application of consent, injecting much-needed nuance, curiosity, and empowerment into the consent conversation. How to Do Consent isn’t rigid or rule-heavy; it meets us where we are in the fluid, dynamic, and complicated world of sex and relationships. As a recovering people-pleaser who has trouble knowing what I want and saying no confidently, this book was both deeply validating and profoundly instructive.”
—Hailey Magee, author of Stop People Pleasing
“In this timely book, Schachter reshapes the conversation around consent. How to Do Consent (Without Sounding Like a Robot) examines how we talk about consent, the limits of consent, and the ways that reimagining consent can support us in our relationships, creativity, and health. It’s a must-read for anyone who thinks, talks, or teaches about consent and wants it to mean something deeper than just permission.”
—Sarah Casper, founder of Comprehensive Consent
“Finally, a grounded conversation about consent. In a world where words like accountability, boundaries, and consent are misused for clout, control, and commodity, Mia offers a take that brings us closer together rather than farther apart. How to Do Consent is digestible, actionable, and fun to read. It reminds us that connecting with each other is the point, that we all need support with the same human challenges, and nobody has to ‘win’ or ‘lose’ at consent. This is the kind of book we need now more than ever, as our relational skills continue to prove themselves as our key-most survival tactics.”
—richie reseda, cultural organizer, producer of Songs from the Hole, and co-creator of the Abolition X podcast
—Dean Spade, author of Mutual Aid and Love in a F*cked Up World
“Refreshingly, Schachter expands our understanding and application of consent, injecting much-needed nuance, curiosity, and empowerment into the consent conversation. How to Do Consent isn’t rigid or rule-heavy; it meets us where we are in the fluid, dynamic, and complicated world of sex and relationships. As a recovering people-pleaser who has trouble knowing what I want and saying no confidently, this book was both deeply validating and profoundly instructive.”
—Hailey Magee, author of Stop People Pleasing
“In this timely book, Schachter reshapes the conversation around consent. How to Do Consent (Without Sounding Like a Robot) examines how we talk about consent, the limits of consent, and the ways that reimagining consent can support us in our relationships, creativity, and health. It’s a must-read for anyone who thinks, talks, or teaches about consent and wants it to mean something deeper than just permission.”
—Sarah Casper, founder of Comprehensive Consent
“Finally, a grounded conversation about consent. In a world where words like accountability, boundaries, and consent are misused for clout, control, and commodity, Mia offers a take that brings us closer together rather than farther apart. How to Do Consent is digestible, actionable, and fun to read. It reminds us that connecting with each other is the point, that we all need support with the same human challenges, and nobody has to ‘win’ or ‘lose’ at consent. This is the kind of book we need now more than ever, as our relational skills continue to prove themselves as our key-most survival tactics.”
—richie reseda, cultural organizer, producer of Songs from the Hole, and co-creator of the Abolition X podcast
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