Without Her
A Chronicle of Grief and Love
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Without Her
Buy Now for ₹649.68
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Narrated by:
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Shaina Summerville
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Written by:
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Rebecca Spiegel
“What is comfort but a filament between past and present with some sort of future implied? In other words, safety. In other words, care. I know it is possible to find these things without her—I know they are there. But it can be so hard to ask. So much is unknown.”
Rebecca Spiegel is working as a teacher in New Orleans when she learns of her sister’s suicide. Only after the funeral does shock give way to grief—and to many questions. How could Emily do this to herself? How could she have abandoned all those who loved her? And what could have been done differently to prevent this devastating loss?
In the days and weeks that follow, Spiegel embarks on a search for answers. She unpacks family history, documents the last traces of her sister’s life, and questions what more she could have done to prevent her death. What she finds instead is that there is no narrative on the other side of grief like this. There is no answer, no easy resolution—only those that leave and those that keep living. Unflinchingly honest, visceral, and raw, this courageous elegy lays bare the hard realities of surviving the loss of a loved one.
Critic Reviews
Spiegel debuts with a wrenching account of the death of her 21-year-old sister Emily. Spiegel was 24 and working as a special-education teacher in New Orleans when she learned that Emily had died by suicide in her car on the campus of the Colorado college she was attending. Summerville narrates Spiegel’s memoir with transparency, piercingly conveying her confusion and devastation in the face of unthinkable loss. In episodic fashion, Spiegel describes the busy days leading up to her little sister’s funeral—during which she was numbed, but not entirely, by shock—and the disorienting weeks, months, and years afterward. Spiegel reflects on her family history of mental illness and suicidal ideation as well as the disordered eating and bipolar disorder that disrupted Emily’s life. Summerville communicates Spiegel’s anguish as she excavates her sister’s emails and letters and uncovers the troubling events leading up to the day she died. The raw grief is tempered by bittersweet memories of Emily’s insight, talent, and love for those around her.
VERDICT A deeply affecting and uncompromisingly honest account of grief’s ever-shifting contours. Spiegel promises no easy answers and gives no tidy platitudes, but her brave and compassionate work is a balm.
– Library Journal