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  • You’re Not Listening

  • What You’re Missing and Why It Matters
  • Written by: Kate Murphy
  • Narrated by: Kate Murphy
  • Length: 6 hrs and 31 mins
  • 4.4 out of 5 stars (23 ratings)

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You’re Not Listening

Written by: Kate Murphy
Narrated by: Kate Murphy
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Publisher's Summary

Brought to you by Penguin.

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever

As a society, we’ve forgotten how to listen. Modern life is noisy and frenetic, and technology provides constant distraction. So we tune things out or listen selectively – even to those we love most. We’ve become scared of other people’s points of view, and of silence.

Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others.

Listening is about curiosity and patience – about asking the right questions in the right way. Improvisational comedians and con men are much better at it than most of us. And the cleverest people can be the worst at it. Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected. 

When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how.

©2020 Kate Murphy (P)2020 Penguin Audio

Critic Reviews

The premise of this book couldn't be more timely... inspiringly profound… Smart and playful... It feels like a reiteration of something essential... Murphy is here to remind us – entertainingly and compellingly – exactly why it matters so much, especially right now. Hear, hear. (Viv Groskop)
Gripping from start to finish... brilliant…extraordinarily interesting…full of meat and gold. (Chris Evans)
Fiercely topical... You're Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem... and a manual for better communication. Murphy’s book is intelligent and thought-provoking… Listening is when someone take a real interest in who you are…a moment of attunement and understanding that sticks in both heads. We could all do with some of that. (Melanie Reid)

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Excellent!!

A new perspective on why listening matters so much in life and work and why our listening quality is degrading and how that's affecting our lives.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Excellent writing.


I personally enjoyed this book for a couple of reasons.
First of all the most important factor that comes when absorbing a book from audio is the narrator for me personally and most will agree. I usually check the sample for that,if it doesn't click i buy the paperback version. There are two advantages here,first the author(she) is a journalist by profession so her oratory skills are very good, eloquent abd persuasive. Plus when the author reads the book herself she can give expression to and emanate the actual hidden feelings behind the text because she is the source.(not always the case that the author makes an audiobook engaging by reading herself though).

Most importantly, usually when you read a book on communication it always focuses mainly on the fact of being more assertive, influence the other person, tactically maneuver conversation, negotiating,emitting power cues,etc. All this makes it too mechanical. Although an avid reader of self help genre,i prefer direct tips and concepts but she has presented something very different. A very different perspective,and a very engaging one. She gives you the vision to see it in a more empathetic light, which is the very soul of it,the elemental part of two individuals communicating. She shows the view from all directions and with those she gives or gently directs you to the tips and concepts rather than overtly laying them out. Which interestingly i liked! Which is unlikely given i want no bs t bang for my back in minimum time.

Then is the writing style. Given her profession as a journalist she has compiled innumerable conversations and all are well researched sourcing from a hairdresser ,to air traffic controllers,priest and cited a lot of developmental, behavioural,social and neuroscience researchers which gives belief on the veracity of the text. As she said in closing credits.
"In journalism ,your story is only as good as your sources. "
And she really did a great job in collecting, selecting and citing all those relevant conversations/interviews which gives a real life view of the concept in action rather than only laying them out. Loved it. Well written.

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • UK
  • 26-03-22

Good book

It is a good book. However, it could have been more concise. Some topics were repeated again and again.

However, there is a lot to learn from it. Go for it.

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

have to be listening!!!

this is a good listen. will be posting a detailed review on Amazon very soon

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