You’re Not Listening cover art

You’re Not Listening

What You’re Missing and Why It Matters

 Preview
Free with 30-day trial
Prime logo New to Audible Prime Member exclusive:
2 credits with free trial
1 credit a month to use on any title to download and keep
Listen to anything from the Plus Catalogue—thousands of Audible Originals, podcasts and audiobooks
Download titles to your library and listen offline
₹199 per month after 30-day trial. Cancel anytime.

You’re Not Listening

Written by: Kate Murphy
Narrated by: Kate Murphy
Free with 30-day trial

₹199 per month after 30-day trial. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for ₹888.00

Buy Now for ₹888.00

About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever

As a society, we’ve forgotten how to listen. Modern life is noisy and frenetic, and technology provides constant distraction. So we tune things out or listen selectively – even to those we love most. We’ve become scared of other people’s points of view, and of silence.

Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others.

Listening is about curiosity and patience – about asking the right questions in the right way. Improvisational comedians and con men are much better at it than most of us. And the cleverest people can be the worst at it. Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected.

When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how.

© Kate Murphy 2020 (P) Penguin Audio 2020

 Communication & Social Skills Physical Illness & Disease Popular Culture Self-Help Social Sciences

Critic Reviews

The premise of this book couldn't be more timely... inspiringly profound… Smart and playful... It feels like a reiteration of something essential... Murphy is here to remind us – entertainingly and compellingly – exactly why it matters so much, especially right now. Hear, hear. (Viv Groskop)
Gripping from start to finish... brilliant…extraordinarily interesting…full of meat and gold. (Chris Evans)
Fiercely topical... You're Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem... and a manual for better communication. Murphy’s book is intelligent and thought-provoking… Listening is when someone take a real interest in who you are…a moment of attunement and understanding that sticks in both heads. We could all do with some of that. (Melanie Reid)
It’s time for a spot of re-education... A fascinating guide to something we assume we do automatically, yet for the most part do very badly... The art of listening is really the art of being human. (Stephen Moss)
We are losing this most crucial, arguably, of our skills in the modern world... I'll be adopting Murphy's advice... and I will be employing "support" responses everywhere. (Charlotte Edwardes)
As any Samaritans volunteer will tell you, learning to listen properly can change lives — your own included. You’re Not Listening perfectly describes a problem a lot of us face in the smartphone age, and how to fix it. (Holly Brockwell)
Murphy has correctly identified a problem... This isn't a neo-Luddite manifesto, urging us to wean ourselves decisively off our phones, but it is a useful reminder that happiness often lies elsewhere. (Amelia Gentleman)
This lively book makes an impassioned plea for listening… an instructive and thought-provoking book that will help readers think about the way they frame questions and responses to forge intimacy. (Emma Jacobs)
In an age of echo chambers and multiple narratives, there is a lot of noise going on but very little listening. In this insightful, cogently reasoned book, Murphy extols the myriad virtues of this underused skill... A thoughtful, eloquent volume that could transform not just your relationships but your own worldview as well. (Waterstones Best Non-fiction Books for 2020)
If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset - and this book does it with science and humour. (Adam Grant)
All stars
Most relevant
this is a good listen. will be posting a detailed review on Amazon very soon

have to be listening!!!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
A new perspective on why listening matters so much in life and work and why our listening quality is degrading and how that's affecting our lives.

Excellent!!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You’re Not Listening was a refreshing and insightful read. It was the second book I’ve come across that highlights how gossip, surprisingly, can connect people, and how our constant inner chatter often blocks true listening. What stayed with me most was the idea that to really listen, we must approach others like children—open, curious, and without judgment. The book reminds us that by setting aside our inner chatter and preconceived responses, we create a safe space for others to share and be heard.

silencing the chatter box to tune in to to others

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

I personally enjoyed this book for a couple of reasons.
First of all the most important factor that comes when absorbing a book from audio is the narrator for me personally and most will agree. I usually check the sample for that,if it doesn't click i buy the paperback version. There are two advantages here,first the author(she) is a journalist by profession so her oratory skills are very good, eloquent abd persuasive. Plus when the author reads the book herself she can give expression to and emanate the actual hidden feelings behind the text because she is the source.(not always the case that the author makes an audiobook engaging by reading herself though).

Most importantly, usually when you read a book on communication it always focuses mainly on the fact of being more assertive, influence the other person, tactically maneuver conversation, negotiating,emitting power cues,etc. All this makes it too mechanical. Although an avid reader of self help genre,i prefer direct tips and concepts but she has presented something very different. A very different perspective,and a very engaging one. She gives you the vision to see it in a more empathetic light, which is the very soul of it,the elemental part of two individuals communicating. She shows the view from all directions and with those she gives or gently directs you to the tips and concepts rather than overtly laying them out. Which interestingly i liked! Which is unlikely given i want no bs t bang for my back in minimum time.

Then is the writing style. Given her profession as a journalist she has compiled innumerable conversations and all are well researched sourcing from a hairdresser ,to air traffic controllers,priest and cited a lot of developmental, behavioural,social and neuroscience researchers which gives belief on the veracity of the text. As she said in closing credits.
"In journalism ,your story is only as good as your sources. "
And she really did a great job in collecting, selecting and citing all those relevant conversations/interviews which gives a real life view of the concept in action rather than only laying them out. Loved it. Well written.

Excellent writing.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
It is a good book. However, it could have been more concise. Some topics were repeated again and again.

However, there is a lot to learn from it. Go for it.

Good book

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.