Welcome back dear listener. It's time to get down to the business of news. Yep, that's right, news is our business and we are the certified vendor of hard hitting news for you.

This week is one hell of a recap on this past week's events, and we even get to learn about Marilyn Monroe and Joltin' Joe DiMaggio! We go near and far. From the private but substantial ponds of Louisiana, to the supermarkets of Germany. We even go to Target, the store. Hey did someone steal a baculum from a South Jersey cheesesteak shop? Let us know! Orlando Bloom is also featured prominently in this episode. He used to date Katy Perry.

bye bye

Hey everyone, we're cordially inviting you to join us on an official America's Last Newsroom spelunking trip, where you, the listener, can join us in some of America's deepest and darkest caves. What will we find there? Unsure, but we want you to come with us, and you can drive us because that will be easier for us. All expenses paid, by you! Stay tuned for more information. The news just didn't stop this week, here are some of our stories: Archie Bunker was a guy named Carol, man stuck in cave for 17 days, tiny Victorian shoes are washing up to shore in Wales, Pineapple cutting records are being broken, castration has medical advantages, Dick Van Dyke's horoscope, and the HOT BLOB. See you next week!

RIP Sonny Bono, you are still missed. Didn't know about the whole steel conkers thing. Condoms are being taxed, your butt is being surveilled, the poop industry's books are all f'd up, pizza in Germany is laced, steel conkers.

xo