Yellope! News here. Got some news for ya. Lot's going on.

Sid Vicious the bassist, well known bassist, he died in 1979, but he died the week of ... the week this comes out, but in 79'. Same week, but in 1979, not now, he's been dead for a while! Anyway, we get to a lot of other stuff like the UK Navy not being able to drink as much as they have been able to drink since time immemorial, a vacuum'er, emphasis on the cuum, allegedly ... gay sheep, a World War I bomb up a guy's chute, and what is Punxsutawney Phil exactly? A groundhog, I know that ... but like, what's going on here? Join us.

Hello listener. This is the hosts of America's Last Newsroom. We are each typing out one letter each at a time to write this episode description. It's taking a long time, but we are doing this because we care about you, the listener. This week is jam packed with news from all over the globe. We start with deciphering history and the words of Bill Clinton. He claims one thing, says another, it's a whole mess. We then find out about some brothers who love each other, a beach filled with onions and Frenched fries, a doctor to be that is a bad test taker, and a lost cat who didn't seem to be lost at all. Dick Van Dyke is still alive, and the Belgian authorities want to put a 12 year old driver in front of judges. It's almost the perfect amount of news, all for ... you.

Welcome back dear listener. It's time to get down to the business of news. Yep, that's right, news is our business and we are the certified vendor of hard hitting news for you.

This week is one hell of a recap on this past week's events, and we even get to learn about Marilyn Monroe and Joltin' Joe DiMaggio! We go near and far. From the private but substantial ponds of Louisiana, to the supermarkets of Germany. We even go to Target, the store. Hey did someone steal a baculum from a South Jersey cheesesteak shop? Let us know! Orlando Bloom is also featured prominently in this episode. He used to date Katy Perry.

bye bye

Hey everyone, we're cordially inviting you to join us on an official America's Last Newsroom spelunking trip, where you, the listener, can join us in some of America's deepest and darkest caves. What will we find there? Unsure, but we want you to come with us, and you can drive us because that will be easier for us. All expenses paid, by you! Stay tuned for more information. The news just didn't stop this week, here are some of our stories: Archie Bunker was a guy named Carol, man stuck in cave for 17 days, tiny Victorian shoes are washing up to shore in Wales, Pineapple cutting records are being broken, castration has medical advantages, Dick Van Dyke's horoscope, and the HOT BLOB. See you next week!

RIP Sonny Bono, you are still missed. Didn't know about the whole steel conkers thing. Condoms are being taxed, your butt is being surveilled, the poop industry's books are all f'd up, pizza in Germany is laced, steel conkers.

xo

Well gang, we're back. Yep, that's right, we're back. We are so back! The Blue Men Group aka Global Examiner is now AMERICA'S LAST NEWSROOM. It's as though we have never left and we are picking right back up where we left off. In fact, here's where we go in this episode. Follow along, with your ears.

This Week in History: Glenn Miller disappears over the English Channel. Still missing.

Royal Caribbean served a guy 33 drinks, he died in custody, they put him in the fridge. Lawsuit incoming.

New Zealand cops waited six days for a swallowed $19K Fabergé pendant to make its exit. Patience is a virtue.

A different Fabergé egg sold for $30 million. Turns out the Romanovs had taste.

Thailand finally lets you buy beer at 3pm. Government workers rejoice.

Thai woman found alive in her coffin right before cremation. Her brother: "eh."

Hero of the Week: Man trips over his cat, breaks basically everything, lies in blood for 14 hours. Still loves the cat.

Dick Van Dyke turned 100. His horoscope says slow down. He will not.

The Olympics are finished, and now the stories come out. With coverage that is almost live, Global Examiner is, perhaps up there at the top, or at least near the top, or somewhere within a reasonable distance of the top of the podcasting news world. In fact, many of our stories were stolen, at the Olympics. I bet you didn't hear about that!

Please join us for our aspiring award winning news coverage.

Global Examiner, on behalf of Peter Turquoise CEO

Loyal listeners, we've been tasked to record another episode of Global Examiner. Join us as your hosts travel the world of news, globally!