We’re fresh off the "premier" red carpet and absolutely not behaving normally. Jack and Ash debrief the Wuthering Heights premiere, get distracted by Jacob Elordi’s face, and wage a passionate campaign for the frivolity of a finger sandwich. We also hear how turkeys do come in cans and the story of a phantom pooer let loose in Halifax.

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After discovering Ash’s beauty has been stolen by a foul and elusive bedevilment known as “Night Club AI”, Jack finds himself in some dark times (not that dark). Never one to shy away from the club though, Ash shares her unique outlook on how to game the system of drink-holding to allow for a world of plentiful frolicking. We also hear why babies could be the latest must-have accessory at an afters, and a moving tribute to our spiritual mother – Moira Rose x

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We’ve stepped into a fever dream. Ash wants to set up a farm in her house and become an egg dealer, while Jack is stuck in a world of whimsy and frivolity, reminiscing about The Wombles and musing over who was the fittest member of The Tweenies. There’s also time to debunk conspiracy theories regarding the pop star Pink and discuss what would be the best medieval drinking vessel.

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