If PDA parenting feels harder than anything you were prepared for, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not failing.

In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I explain why PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance, is not a behavioural issue — it is a nervous system response. For PDA autistic children, refusal, control, and what is often called “equalising behaviour” are survival strategies used to restore safety when demands feel overwhelming.

I break down why traditional parenting advice so often backfires in PDA autism parenting, especially approaches based on compliance, rewards, consequences, or reasoning in the moment. These strategies can unintentionally increase threat in a PDA child’s nervous system rather than reduce it.

Using real examples from my own home, I share how even well-intended questions or suggestions can push a PDA child into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — and why autonomy and felt safety must come first. We also start to explore why many PDA children hold it together all day and then fall apart at home, and why this isn’t a sign of failure, but of trust and co-regulation.

In this episode, we explore:

• PDA parenting through a nervous-system lens
• Why PDA refusals are not choices or manipulation
• What “equalising” means in PDA autism
• Why safety builds capacity over time

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

✨ If you’re looking for deeper, personalised PDA parenting support, you can enquire about my limited-space 1:1, 8-week coaching programme at chantalhewitt.com/support.

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

If parenting feels harder the more strategies you try, this episode gently explains why foundations—not fixes—are what truly support autistic and PDA children long term.

This episode explores attuned parenting foundations for autistic and PDA children.

In this final episode of the Attuned Parenting Foundations series, I’m not introducing anything new — instead, I’m helping you connect the dots.

I walk you through why these foundations matter so deeply when you’re supporting an autistic or PDA child, and why even the most well-intentioned strategies fall apart when nervous systems don’t feel safe.

As I teach it and live it daily to see success, at the heart of attuned parenting are three essential foundations: your wellbeing as the co-regulator, your child’s nervous system and burnout, and the sensory world your child lives in. When one of these is unsupported, everything else becomes harder — for your child, for you, and for your whole family.

This work isn’t about perfection or stopping meltdowns forever. It’s about sustainability. It’s about creating safety, connection before compliance, and capacity over behaviour — so your relationship can grow and stabilise even in a world that isn’t built for neurodivergent children.

I also speak honestly about why parents often know the “why” but struggle in the moment, and why scripts, language, and real-time support matter when you’re already stretched and in survival mode yourself.

If you’re parenting an autistic or PDA child and want support that actually holds you through the hard moments — not just theory — you’re not alone here.

🌱 KEY TAKEAWAYS / SHIFTS

• Strategies don’t work sustainably without nervous system safety
• Parent regulation is foundational, not optional
• Sensory support is essential — not an “extra”
• Connection before compliance builds long-term wellbeing
• Support and language matter most in the moment, not months later

🤍 NEXT STEPS / RESOURCES

If you’d like support putting these foundations into practice, my Attuned Parenting Foundations course is currently free, with 30 days inside the Attuned Parenting Community. You can join via the link in my bio or at chantalhewitt.com/course.

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

A connection-first look at sensory load, nervous system safety, and how altering and being aware of our sensory environments drastically affects how we support our PDA and Autistic children.

In this episode of The Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I want to help you understand why sensory environments matter so much more than the behaviour you’re seeing — especially when you’re parenting an autistic or PDA child.

This episode is Part 3 of a 4-part Attuned Parenting Foundations series, where I’m walking you through the core shifts that change everything when you move away from behaviour-based approaches and toward nervous system safety and connection.

In this third part, I focus on sensory environments and why they are often the missing piece. When we focus on behaviour without understanding what a child’s nervous system is processing underneath, we end up feeling stuck, frustrated, and exhausted. Not because we’re doing anything wrong — but because we’ve been looking in the wrong place.

I break down sensory input, sensory load, and sensory output, and explain how these layers quietly build throughout the day before ever showing up as a meltdown, shutdown, or explosion. I also talk about why traditional behaviour strategies don’t work for PDA children, and why PDA is not manipulation or defiance, but a nervous system disability rooted in safety and autonomy.

Using everyday examples — like brushing teeth — I show how sensory experiences and demands can stack up and drain a child’s capacity long before bedtime arrives. Many of the biggest sensory stressors are invisible: background noise, lighting, transitions, masking, and internal sensory demands like hunger or tiredness.

When we begin adjusting environments instead of trying to control behaviour, things start to shift. Not through compliance or power struggles, but through safety, connection, and nervous system support.

If you’d like to explore your child’s sensory profile more deeply, the Attuned Parenting Foundations course is currently free and includes 30 days inside the Attuned Parenting Community.
You can find the link in the show notes or visit chantalhewitt.com/course.

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

What happens when life breaks routine — especially in autistic and PDA families?

In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I’m sharing a care-first reflection from an unexpected hospital stay and what it highlighted for me about nervous systems, routine disruption, and why returning to the foundations matters most on hard days.

I talk honestly about what it feels like when overwhelm builds, when control is lost, and when you’re holding worry for your children — especially when one or more children are already in burnout or masking. This episode is about the invisible load parents carry and how quickly things can unravel when routines shift unexpectedly.

I also reflect on the impact of being listened to and accommodated in a moment of distress, and how regulating it can be to be witnessed without being fixed. It was a powerful reminder of how deeply our children need that same kind of space, understanding, and nervous-system safety.

This episode brings everything back to the Attuned Parenting Foundations — not as theory, but as something we return to in real life.

Key takeaways from this episode

• When routines break, it impacts everyone’s nervous system — not just children’s
• Insight and language don’t cancel overwhelm, especially during high-stress moments
• Parents often hold worry for multiple children at once, and that load is real
• Being listened to and accommodated can be deeply regulating
• Foundations matter most when life is hard, not when things are calm

The three Attuned Parenting Foundations

1. Parent well-being and regulation

Supporting our children starts with supporting ourselves. Parents need to be regulated and resourced enough to co-regulate — because when a parent is overwhelmed or depleted, it becomes much harder to show up in the way their child needs.

2. Understanding your child’s nervous system

When parents understand how their child’s nervous system works — including recognising burnout and stress responses — it becomes easier to respond with empathy and support regulation, rather than pushing for behaviour or compliance.

3. Supporting through environment and sensory needs

Even with parent regulation and nervous-system understanding, children will continue to struggle if environments aren’t set up to support them. Adjusting environments to reduce sensory overload and meet sensory needs is essential — not optional.

Foundations aren’t something we build for calm days.

They’re what we come back to when life breaks routine and capacity is low.

Links to further support and resources are available in the show notes.

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

Your autistic or PDA child isn’t “acting out” — their nervous system is asking for safety, rest, and attuned support.

In this episode of Attuned Spectrum, I explore why autistic and PDA burnout intensifies at the end of the year and what you can do right now to support your child through rising overwhelm, avoidance, shutdowns, and meltdowns. December creates a perfect storm: disrupted routines, sensory overload, rising social expectations, and the emotional intensity of the holiday season — all of which place enormous pressure on a neurodivergent nervous system.

I walk you through the real signs of autistic and PDA burnout (beyond “challenging behaviour”), why these shifts are rooted in nervous system depletion, and how burnout is often the accumulated impact of masking, school stress, and ongoing cognitive load. I share examples from my own home and the community, plus gentle, realistic shifts that can immediately reduce pressure for both you and your child.

You’ll hear practical strategies to help right now: reducing non-essential demands, increasing autonomy, protecting recovery time, adjusting routines, and using co-regulation to rebuild safety.

If you'd like scripts, deeper guidance, and a supportive space to apply these tools, you’re invited to join the FREE Attuned Parenting Foundations Course, which includes 30 days of community support inside Attuned Parenting.

💜 Join for free → chantalhewitt.com/course

Key Takeaways

• Burnout is nervous system depletion, not misbehaviour.
• End-of-year overwhelm spikes due to disrupted routines + sensory load.
• Reduced demands + increased autonomy help children regulate.
• Your co-regulation plays a central role in burnout recovery.
• Validation strengthens safety after meltdowns or shutdowns.

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

In this episode, I’m diving into how I teach the first foundational pillar of Attuned Parenting — parent well-being and co-regulation. As a neurodivergent parent myself, I understand how overwhelming it can be to support a child when you’re already running on empty. But here’s the thing: you are the foundation. When we focus on our own regulation first, we can better co-regulate with our children.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why more tools often don’t create real change for autistic and PDA children
• The importance of parent well-being and how it leads to co-regulation
• Why nervous-system safety comes first — and why behaviour-first approaches are doing more harm than good
• Unmasking and shifting away from societal expectations (if you’re a neurodivergent parent or feel you could be neurodivergent- this episode is for you!)
• How co-regulation transforms parenting and helps you show up for your child with more clarity and intention

Episode Summary:

Parenting an autistic or PDA child is hard — especially when you’re already feeling depleted. In this episode, I talk about the foundational pillars of attuned parenting that can make all the difference: parent well-being and co-regulation.

You’ll learn:

• Why traditional strategies often backfire and don’t work for neurodivergent children
• Why parent regulation comes first before any co-regulation with your child can happen
• How unmasking and understanding our own triggers helps us show up for our children with more clarity and patience
• The 4-step framework for co-regulation: Pause → Observe → Connect → Support (I’ll share a preview of this in the episode!)

Takeaway:

Ask yourself: “Am I regulated enough to support my child right now?”
This small, powerful question is the first step to shifting your approach to parenting and co-regulation.

What Next?

Want to dive deeper into these foundational tools and receive 30 days of community support?

The Attuned Parenting Foundations course is live, free for now, and packed with practical tools to help you and your child.

Join the course here: CLICK HERE

No credit card required — just sign up and start today :)

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

If you’ve been collecting strategy after strategy and still feel stuck in meltdowns, shutdowns, or constant overwhelm, I want you to hear this clearly: it’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because strategies only work when the right foundations are in place for your child’s nervous system — and for you.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why “more tools” often don’t create real change for autistic and PDA children.
• The three foundations I see underneath calmer, more connected homes.
• How nervous-system safety comes first — and why behaviour-first approaches are doing more harm than good

Episode Summary

I meet so many parents who are doing all the “right” things and still feel like nothing is working. In this episode, I explain what I believe is the missing piece: strategies don’t land unless the foundations underneath them fit your child’s neurology and your family’s reality (also- they need to be the correct strategies that align with your child's needs and your families)

I walk you through three foundations of attuned parenting that I see again and again in families who start moving out of survival mode:

1. My wellbeing and regulation comes first
   I know this can feel impossible when you’re exhausted — but your nervous system is the anchor for your child’s. When I’m depleted, I’m more likely to go into control, urgency, or shutdown myself (even with great intentions). Supporting my regulation isn’t an optional extra — it’s a direct intervention for my child.
2. I parent the nervous system, not the behaviour
   I don’t see meltdowns, shutdowns, refusal, avoidance, or explosiveness as misbehaviour. I see them as stress responses and communication. And with PDA kids, demands can feel like genuine threats, so safety, autonomy, co-regulation, and collaboration have to come before any strategy will work.
3. I shape the environment into a “yes space”
   The sensory and emotional environment is doing far more than we realise. Instead of trying to change the child first, attuned parenting changes the conditions around them — reducing overload, threat, and friction. When the environment supports regulation, everything gets lighter.

When these three foundations are in place, strategies finally start to fit — and family life becomes calmer, more connected, and more sustainable.

Key Takeaways

• I don’t believe calm homes are built by collecting more tools — they’re built from nervous-system safety and attuned foundations.
• The parent's regulation is the starting point for my child’s regulation.
• Autistic and PDA behaviours are signals of stress, not manipulation.
• Connection and autonomy reduce threat and

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

If you’ve been trying everything to support your PDA or Autistic child through meltdowns and nothing is working, this episode will help you understand why — and what actually helps.

In this episode, I share the single shift that changed everything in our home when it came to supporting my PDA autistic son. For years, I approached his meltdowns like a behaviour problem to fix. What I didn’t realise was that the strategies I was using were increasing his overwhelm, not reducing it.

You’ll learn why PDA meltdowns are nervous-system panic, not defiance, and how traditional Autism strategies can accidentally intensify PDA distress. I walk you through the exact moment things changed for us, the mindset shift that transformed our relationship, and the connection-first approach I now teach families in the same situation.

✨ In this episode:
• Why PDA meltdowns are driven by anxiety, not refusal
• The shift that instantly reduced meltdowns in our home
• Why connection regulates more effectively than control
• How to support your child before, during and after overwhelm
• The first steps to stop power struggles and rebuild safety

If you’ve been trying everything and nothing is helping, there is a path forward — one that feels lighter, kinder, and far more sustainable for both you and your child.

💛 Download my FREE Calm Parent Checklist

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

If you’re parenting an Autistic or PDA child and want support that actually works, you’ll find more tools and free resources at chantalhewitt.com.

✨ Join The Attuned Parenting Community for Parents Raising Autistic / PDA Children

LEARN MORE →

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x