My wife rated me a nine out of ten as a husband, and I couldn't take it. That night there wasn't one man on earth I would have told.

Find out where your widest gap is in under 10 minutes with the free Gap Check: https://mogbrotherhood.com/the-gap-check

What This Episode Covers

Everybody likes you. Nobody knows you. You've got the golf buddies, the guys from church, the clients who'd take your call any day of the week. You might be the guy everybody else leans on. And there isn't one man you'd call at eleven at night and tell the truth to.

Here's the hard part. You built it that way, one reasonable decision at a time. Being liked means people see the highlight reel. Being known means they see the rest.

Ryan walks through three things:

• Why you built it. Two questions that show where your worth actually lives: where do you go the night after you lose, and how do you finish the sentence "I'm okay as long as..."
• What it's costing you. March 2006, five grand lost gambling in a week, and the thousand-dollar number he told his wife. The money wasn't the damage. The hiding was.
• How it comes down. A men's retreat at Lake Arrowhead in 2008, one word yelled in a room full of men, and the vow renewal sentence in 2011 that did more than every promise before it.

Key Takeaways

• The approval comes before the performance, not because of it. Most men have that order reversed.
• Being honest in your head doesn't count. Your wife can't respond to a conversation she's never heard.
• Some things only come out when brothers are close enough to hear them.
• This week: one man, one true sentence you've never said out loud. Then stop talking and let him respond.

Scripture in this episode (ESV): Matthew 3:17, Romans 5:8, Proverbs 18:1, Proverbs 27:17.

The Aligned Man: twelve men, twelve weeks, starting Thursday, November 5. Nobody performs in there, because nobody can. Apply here and Ryan reads every application himself: https://form.jotform.com/262166305407049

If you're ready to stop doing this alone, the Men of Greatness brotherhood is where faith-driven men sharpen each other and close the gap together. It's free to join: https://www.skool.com/men-of-greatness

Subscribe for more episodes on brotherhood, men's mental health, and faith that holds up under pressure.

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You have more friends than most men will ever have, and not one of them is the call you would make at two in the morning.

Take the free GAP Check before you do anything else. It will give you a straight answer on which area of your life is most out of alignment and exactly what has been driving it: https://mogbrotherhood.com/the-gap-check

April 2019. Ryan is on the floor of his office in a full anxiety attack, in the middle of serving the biggest client he had ever landed. Thirteen years a Christian. Helped plant a church. Served as a pastor. In a men's group, a mastermind, and surrounded by good men. Not one of them was the call he made.

That is the episode. Not isolation. Exposure.

Most men do not have a friend problem. They have a rooms problem. The rooms are good, the men in them love Jesus, and every one of those rooms was built for you to report rather than to be seen. A report is a summary of something you already edited. Being seen is a man watching you long enough to notice what you left out.

Ryan walks through the three reasons the room you are already in cannot do this job.

• You control the agenda. You decide what walks in before you walk in, so the room only ever meets the version of you that has finished processing. They hear your conclusions. They never hear your middle, and the middle is where the drift lives.
• They see a snapshot, not a slope. Nobody can call a slope from a single dot. You did not get here in one decision, you got here one distraction and one compromise at a time, and every individual Wednesday morning you looked fine.
• There is no cost to you staying quiet. Nobody follows up. Nobody is there next month to notice you used the exact same words. Until silence costs you something, you will stay silent.

Then the assignment. Pick one man and say one true sentence, something you have never said out loud to another man. Not a testimony. Not the cleaned up version with the lesson already attached. The middle.

Key Takeaways

• The armor was not always armor. It started as discipline and wisdom about what a leader can say. Then it hardened. You cannot be known and be armored up at the same time.
• Two rooms did the work in Ryan's life. One up on the mountain in 2008, where he stood up in front of 150 men and yelled out unforgiveness. One down in the day to day, where a few older men refused to let him stop at a feeling and kept pressing until he wrote his father a letter. That letter turned his dad into one of his closest friends. Most men have neither room.
• If you scroll your contacts and reach the end without finding one man you would say it to, that is not a failure. That is a diagnosis.

And check out the links below to learn more about how we can help you achieve greatness.

Brotherhood is not optional for men doing this kind of work. The community is free to join and it is full of men who are serious about becoming who God created them to be: https://www.skool.com/men-of-greatness

Subscribe for more episodes on brotherhood, the drift, and honest conversation between men.

Don't forget to leave a comment - what can you add to this topic?

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The man everyone looks up to can be the emptiest man in the room, and the reason almost always started years before the success did.

If you are ready to stop doing this alone, the Men of Greatness brotherhood is where faith-driven men sharpen each other and close the gap together. Come join us: https://mogbrotherhood.com/

In this conversation with Seth Schmidt on the FORTIV: Alive with Courage podcast, Ryan tells the story of a business trip to Chicago in 2006, a question at a hotel bar, and the choice that sent him to church that Sunday. He also shares what surviving the Route 91 shooting taught him about why the work has to reach the heart.

Ryan breaks down what a wound really is and why every struggle you cannot break traces backwards. His parents' divorce at six became the belief that he was not good enough for anybody, and he spent years trying to prove otherwise through women, gambling, partying and success.

You will also hear the story of a franchise owner stuck in his basement after his business crumbled, the college moment that was really holding him back, and the identity shift that turned everything around. Ryan walks through Mark 9, Ephesians 2:10, the story of Joseph, and the five things he would never trade for his business.

If you are winning professionally but sense something underneath is off, and you have no one truly in the trenches with you, this one is for you.

A huge thank you to Seth Schmidt for having me on FORTIV: Alive with Courage. Seth helps high-performing men break free from fear, lead from their true identity, and live with courage in business, family, and faith. Go subscribe to his show.

Watch FORTIV on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@FORTIVAlivewithCourage

Listen to FORTIV: Alive with Courage - https://open.spotify.com/show/5Bx0Nncr71HPiXFfEbT7Ra

Not sure where your gap actually lives? I built a free tool that will tell you in under 10 minutes. Seven questions, no fluff, just clarity: mogbrotherhood.com/the-gap-check

We help men overcome feeling stuck, unfulfilled, and disconnected from their purpose by aligning their faith, values, and actions through intentional coaching, community, and accountability in order to lead with confidence, strengthen their relationships, and create a lasting impact.

Subscribe for more episodes on identity, healing old wounds, and Christian brotherhood.

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CHAPTERS:

0:00 Successful On The Outside, Empty Inside

1:08 From Sales Leader To Men Of Greatness

2:58 The Night That Changed My Marriage

5:20 Surviving The Route 91 Shooting

6:58 Why I Wrote Wounds

11:38 Why Men Will Not Be Vulnerable First

14:34 What Is An Emotional Wound

17:26 How Divorce Shapes A Man's Identity

20:04 Why Men Try To Fix Instead Of Heal

20:52 When Business Failure Exposes An Old Wound

27:43 I Believe, Help My Unbelief

30:33 You Are Not Your Sin

32:52 What Joseph Teaches About Suffering

35:21 Stop Handicapping Yourself

36:47 What Keeps Me Grounded In Hard Seasons

38:47 Faith, Family And A Business In Trouble

40:48 The Entrepreneur Revenue Roller Coaster

44:20 Why Men Need Christian Brotherhood

45:21 Friendship After Tragedy

51:23 A Hundred Brothers Going To War For You

52:56 Join Men Of Greatness And The Aligned Man

53:54 Find Your Guy First

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