What if grief is not something you “get over,” complete, or bring to closure?

Applied philosopher and grief scholar Thomas Attig joins Malini Ondrovcik and Dr. Oren Amitay to challenge some of our most common assumptions about death, bereavement, and healing.

Attig argues that the familiar five stages of grief were never designed to explain the experience of grieving after someone has died. Grief is not simply a sequence of emotions that eventually ends in acceptance. It is the active and deeply personal work of relearning how to live in a world permanently changed by loss.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why the five stages of grief often fail grieving people
• The difference between reacting to loss and responding to it
• Why “closure” may be an unrealistic and harmful goal
• How love can continue after someone dies
• Whether moving forward dishonours the person you lost
• How to hold love, anger, guilt, resentment, and forgiveness at the same time
• What to say to someone who is grieving
• Why clichés and attempts to “fix” grief often make things worse
• How hope and meaning can coexist with sorrow

Thomas Attig is the author of How We Grieve: Relearning the World, The Heart of Grief: Death and the Search for Lasting Love, and Seeking Wisdom in Death’s Shadow. His work has helped reshape contemporary thinking about grief, bereavement, continuing bonds, and the human experience of loss.

This episode includes discussion of death, suicide, bereavement, trauma, and the loss of a child. Viewer discretion is advised.

Awake at the Wheel explores psychology, mental health, relationships, culture, and the difficult realities that shape how we live.

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CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction
00:40 Thomas Attig’s background in philosophy
02:16 Teaching death, dying, and grief
03:13 What grieving people actually experience
05:34 Grief means relearning the world
06:44 Seeking Wisdom in Death’s Shadow
08:06 Why grief is so difficult to discuss
08:46 What the five stages were actually designed to explain
11:10 Why the five stages do not describe grief
14:05 What traditional grief models miss
16:07 Reacting to loss versus responding to it
18:10 Finding hope within grief
21:17 Can love continue after death?
24:49 The finality of death and the myth of closure
27:35 Loving someone without idealizing the relationship
30:36 Holding conflicting emotions after a loss
32:51 Does moving forward dishonour the person who died?
35:02 Loving someone despite what they did
35:21 A father grieving his son’s suicide
38:53 Spirituality, forgiveness, and grief
40:48 The wrong ways to support someone who is grieving
41:45 What not to say after the death of a child
43:12 A meaningful way to offer support
44:03 What to say when you have no words
45:21 Where to find Thomas Attig’s work
48:15 Final thoughts on trauma and healing

We want your questions! Send your questions to rounds@aatwpodcast.com, tweet us @awakepod, send us a message at facebook.com/awakepod, or leave a comment on this video!

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In this episode, Malini and Dr. Amitay delve into the alarming rise of the "flip the camera" trend, a form of online bullying that blends in-person humiliation with digital permanence. They explore how this behavior dehumanizes victims, amplifies cruelty, and the societal and developmental implications behind it.

Main Topics:
-The mechanics and evolution of the "flip the camera" bullying trend
-The psychological impact on victims and the role of social media algorithms
-The societal and developmental factors fueling this behavior
-Legal and parental responsibilities in preventing cyberbullying
-Strategies for parents, schools, and communities to address and mitigate online cruelty

Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction to the "flip the camera" trend and its connection to traditional bullying
1:48 - The problematic nature of the trend and its embedding in social hierarchy and public humiliation
2:42 - Dehumanization and desensitization of bullies and viewers
3:11 - The permanence and 24/7 nature of online bullying and its effects on victims
4:11 - Personal anecdotes and societal observations about the trend’s influence
4:59 - How viewing cruelty as entertainment dehumanizes others in real life
5:21 - Incidents escalating to violence, including cases where victims have shot their tormentors
6:29 - The role of demand and supply in the proliferation of harmful behavior online
7:13 - The normalization of humiliating pranks and their long-term impacts
8:30 - Media influence and the normalization of antisocial behavior through advertising
9:03 - Developmental aspects, particularly how social status drives teenage participation in bullying
10:13 - Parenting and educational responsibilities to curb this trend and enforce accountability
11:22 - The role of social media algorithms and legal frameworks in addressing online bullying
12:30 - The sociopathic nature of this behavior and the importance of accountability
13:45 - The normalization and escalation of cruelty fueled by social rewards and fame
14:39 - The harmful long-term consequences, including suicide, and societal responsibility
16:43 - Potential legal reform and the importance of teaching empathy and morality in schools
18:22 - The influence of social media on empathy development and social norms
19:33 - Early bullying behaviors and how technology exacerbates and amplifies them
20:22 - The importance of parental monitoring and setting examples for responsible online behavior
22:19 - Practical advice for parents on how children can avoid escalating or participating in online cruelty
23:16 - The importance of detachment and not engaging in bullying, lessons for parents and children
23:54 - Encouraging audience reflection on the trend's popularity and societal impact
24:09 - Closing remarks and final thoughts on responsible social media use and community action

Note: The episode emphasizes the importance of societal, parental, and educational efforts in combatting online cruelty and fostering empathy among youth.

We want your questions! Send your questions to rounds@aatwpodcast.com, tweet us @awakepod, send us a message at facebook.com/awakepod, or leave a comment on this video!

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 103

In this episode, Malini Ondrovcik and Dr. Oren Amitay unpack the confusing and often damaging messages men receive about masculinity, sexuality, hygiene, and emotional expression. From online shame and cultural stereotypes to bias in therapy and mental health training, this conversation explores how young men are being shaped by fear-based narratives rather than nuance, confidence, and self-awareness.

The discussion examines how social stigma around men’s bodies, sexuality, and even basic hygiene reflects a deeper crisis in how masculinity is understood. Malini and Oren challenge simplistic labels, question the influence of toxic messaging, and make the case for more emotionally intelligent, gender-sensitive approaches in both therapy and public discourse.

This episode is a candid look at the pressures men face, the myths that distort male identity, and the importance of creating spaces where men can explore who they are without shame.

In this episode:

-The stigma around men’s hygiene, body awareness, and sexuality
-How masculinity myths affect self-esteem and help-seeking
-The role of shame, stereotypes, and online narratives in shaping male identity
-Why bias against men in mental health spaces creates real clinical harm
-The limits of rigid, manualized therapy when deeper emotional work is needed
-Why therapists need self-awareness, nuance, and emotional regulation
-How to support men in exploring identity, emotion, and masculinity without judgment
-The importance of authentic therapeutic relationships in helping men heal

Timestamps:
00:00 - Are men okay? Confusing messages about masculinity and hygiene
01:20 - The online debate around touching your body and being perceived as gay
02:19 - How toxic masculinity myths shape young men’s behavior
03:10 - The history of terms like cuckold and pegging and their psychological impact
04:09 - How stereotypes undermine male self-esteem and hygiene
05:08 - Shame, stigma, and why men avoid asking for help
06:48 - Bidets, masculinity, and cultural discomfort
08:05 - Anal health, shame, and gender norms
09:35 - Propaganda, simplistic narratives, and mental health discourse
10:21 - The decline of nuance in guidance for men
11:42 - “Not washing the booty” as a distorted symbol of masculinity
12:22 - Social media narratives and male identity formation
13:19 - Why therapists need stronger critical thinking
14:04 - Systemic problems in mental health training and practice
15:28 - How anti-male bias affects therapy
16:50 - The impact of cultural messaging on treatment outcomes for men
17:28 - Confidence, authenticity, and sexual identity
18:28 - Emotional regulation and therapist self-awareness
19:11 - Online groupthink and professional echo chambers
20:36 - The need for trauma-informed, gender-sensitive therapy
22:10 - Why men hide their struggles and emotions
23:41 - Building strong therapeutic alliances through empathy
24:38 - How to spot propaganda in gender and mental health research
26:02 - Fostering resilience and nuance in therapy training
27:50 - Helping men challenge harmful norms
29:20 - Creating safe spaces for men to explore masculinity
31:13 - Practical strategies for therapists working with men
33:18 - Rigid treatment models vs. emotion-focused work
35:01 - The limits of CBT and manualized approaches
36:49 - Therapist self-awareness and ongoing development
38:28 - Why authentic therapist-client relationships matter
40:31 - Moving beyond simplistic narratives around men and mental health
42:24 - Final thoughts on healthy masculinity and supportive environments

Note:
This conversation emphasizes nuance, critical thinking, and the importance of genuine therapeutic relationships in helping men navigate masculinity, identity, and mental health in a culture full of shame and contradicti

We want your questions! Send your questions to rounds@aatwpodcast.com, tweet us @awakepod, send us a message at facebook.com/awakepod, or leave a comment on this video!

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