Saul is confused because he's in trouble for doing exactly what he was told not to do. The Bible lets us know just how good-looking and ruggedly handsome David is. He also kills lions and bears. Unfortunately, no one knows who he is.

Samuel's running late, resulting in Saul making some poor decisions. We find out there aren't really a lot of swords to go around in Israel. Turns out Jonathan is a beast, and just decides to go wreck some Philistines with his buddy.

Musical chairs with dick tumor causing Ark of the Covenant leads to some oddly logical medical attempts. Seems to be kinda indiscriminate. A lot of people die. Like a lot. Oh, and Isreal is going to get a king.

Eli's kids are messing up, basically running the priesthood like the mob. Samuel hits the scene, with his dope threads and righteousness. Then there's a bunch death and the Israelites lose something shiny.

The lovely story of Ruth, all about hard work and foot stuff

A series of unfortunate events... with a series of worse solutions

Our favorite Bible gym bro is born, grows up, falls in love, gets his eyes poked out, and pulls of the first mass-scale "you're coming with me" suicide move. A lot of foxes also have a really bad day.

This judge, that judge, one judge, two judges