"I was addicted to helping people." Mishala Lewis says it out loud about halfway through this conversation, and once she does, her whole life reads differently.

In this episode of Barefoot Conversations, I sit down with Mishala Lewis, an event planner, community builder, and the oldest daughter of a single parent household. She cooked, she cleaned, she raised her siblings, and when there was not enough food she let them eat and took whatever was left. Sometimes that was nothing. Nobody called it leadership training at the time. It was just what the oldest girl did.

We talk about what that becomes in a grown woman. The gym bathroom where a stranger was just venting and Mishala was already texting people about car parts with money she did not have. The jobs with the title and the salary and the benefits that still left her empty. The relationships she stayed in because she could see the potential and thought she could fix it.

And then there is the moment that stopped her. Freshman year of college, in the back seat without her seatbelt, the driver loses control, and she is looking over an elevated interstate bridge thinking, well God, this looks like the end. What she said to Him in that second is the most honest prayer I have heard on this show. She woke up on the road a few feet from the car, and the first thing she did was get up and go check on everybody else.

She is different now. She has a word for this year, she has a brunch she is building for women who are healing, and she has a challenge she is two days into. If you have been everybody's fixer, everybody's backbone, the one who always has it handled, pull up a chair. Mishala has a word for you.

CHAPTERS (optional, supported by Apple Podcasts and Spotify)

00:00 "I was addicted to helping people"

00:53 Why she started 75 Hard: "I'm shedding"

02:08 How the two of us found each other

03:05 The oldest daughter in a single parent house

04:07 Telling the story with grace for her mom

05:04 The leadership it was quietly building

05:40 Giving up a full scholarship to go serve

06:26 Choosing happiness over the money

07:38 Sacrificing her health for everybody else's peace

08:50 The woman in the gym bathroom

09:40 The moment she admitted she had a problem

10:33 Believing she had to do the most to be known

11:04 When you just want to vent, not be fixed

12:30 Boundaries, and the friction of a new you

14:52 The night she was ejected from the car

16:26 Getting up to check on everyone else

17:05 Brain swelling, and telling jokes in the hospital

18:24 What she said to God on that bridge

19:58 What changed in her afterward

20:09 Starting Resilient Women of Color

22:16 Building something with no experience

23:09 Letting go of what was never meant for her

25:47 Walking away from safe and predictable

26:42 What the layoff taught her about her worth

27:54 Staying in relationships she knew to leave

31:56 Did she ever bury the creator in her

33:32 Her exit cue, and how she stopped shrinking

35:23 When helping someone becomes a project

36:39 To the woman still chasing the paycheck

38:50 Your purpose can get you paid

41:13 Finding God without growing up in church

44:32 We are the church, not the building

46:13 Nerves, and why the real you is the point

48:14 Her word for this year: living

49:38 The Resilience Brunch

52:35 Healing with community, music, and movement

54:52 Her message to the woman who gives it all away

55:28 Going barefoot

"God, please don't leave me like this." She prayed it standing in an office at work, with tears running and no idea what to do with the gap between the woman everybody saw and the woman she actually was.

In this episode of Barefoot Conversations, I sit down with Desire, a teacher, a mother, a wife, and a woman who spent years being everybody else because the real her had been rejected before. We talk about what it costs to perform a life. The posts that say family first while your own house is falling apart. The version of yourself you build out of what other people clapped for. The rejection that got planted so early she can trace it back to a game of school with her cousins.

Desire is honest in a way that is rare. She talks about the mentor who told her, you are not coming off as nice as you think you are, and what it was like to actually hear it. She talks about the picture God gave her of a person who looked fine on the outside while something else was living on the inside. She talks about the boundary she finally set with her own father, and what he did with it that she never expected.

And then there is the other side of it. Five years of surrender. A clean room. A dream about a stadium and a row of seats she had to empty. A movie role she did not go looking for. A mission trip to South Africa. And a word for the woman still hiding: there is no other you.

If you have ever put on a face to be accepted, or worn so many of them you cannot remember which one is yours, pull up a chair. This one is for you.

IN THIS EPISODE

- Why the mask goes on in the first place, and how early it starts

- The difference between people pleasing and God pleasing

- Setting a boundary with the person you most want to make proud

- What it sounds like when God shows you yourself and you do not look away

- Spiritual bypassing, and why God can handle your anger

- The season of separating, and the people who cannot come where you are going

- The art of obedience, and what obedience opened up for her

ABOUT DESIRE

Desire is a teacher, wife, and mother who spent seven years as a family teacher at Boys Town before God started rebuilding how she shows up at home, at work, and in the room. She is stepping into a film role, heading to South Africa on mission, and telling the truth about all of it. Find her at [add Desire's Instagram or website].

CONNECT

Rachel: www.racheldfox.com | rachel@racheldfox.com

If this episode met you somewhere, share it with one person who needs it today, and follow Barefoot Conversations so you never miss a story.

Rachel D. Fox, DSL

"I'm built for this." That is what Kiya says now, and by the end of this conversation you will understand what it cost her to be able to mean it.

In this episode of Barefoot Conversations, I sit down with my friend Kiya, a photographer, a dancer, and one of the most tender and self aware young women I know. For most of her life she was the strong friend, the one everybody leaned on, the happy face in the room who was quietly carrying far more than anyone knew.

We talk about where that armor came from, the wounds that taught her she could never break, and the generational trauma she decided to stop passing down. She is honest about her mental health journey, about the seasons that pulled her into the dark, and the night in a closet when she asked God to take her and woke up certain she had been kept here on purpose.

This one is tender in places, and it is full of hope. Kiya talks about choosing herself, laying down what was never hers to carry, doing the scary thing while she was still scared, and the words that carry her now: I'm built for this.

If you have ever been the strong one, the person who holds it together for everyone else, pull up a chair. Kiya has a word for you.

A gentle note before you listen: this conversation includes honest talk about depression, self harm, and suicide. Please take good care of your heart. If you are struggling, you are not alone and you do not have to carry it by yourself. In the US you can call or text 988 any time to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

IN THIS EPISODE

- Why the strong friend so often carries what nobody sees

- The wound that taught her never to break, and how she started to heal it

- Choosing to stop passing down generational trauma

- Healing the little girl still standing in the mirror

- The night in the closet, and waking up sure she was kept here on purpose

- Doing it scared: how fear and faith live in the same room

- The words that carry her now, I'm built for this

ABOUT KAYA

Kiya is a photographer and dancer who speaks openly about mental health, healing, and faith so that other people know they are not alone. Find her at [add Kiya's Instagram or website].

CONNECT

Kiya: @nhimagesphotography

Rachel: www.racheldfox.com | rachel@racheldfox.com

If this episode met you somewhere, share it with one person who needs it today, and follow Barefoot Conversations so you never miss a story.