If you’ve ever caught yourself checking someone’s face, tone, or mood to decide whether you’re “okay,” you’re not overreacting and you’re not broken. In this episode I talk about the pattern behind that reflex and why it feels so intense during divorce and divorce recovery: emotional outsourcing, or the habit of sourcing safety, belonging, and self-worth from outside yourself instead of from within.

I'll unpack how emotional outsourcing can masquerade as people pleasing, perfectionism, and codependency, and why those behaviors often make perfect sense when your nervous system has spent years in survival mode. I share how marriage can reinforce the cycle, especially when approval, emotional distance, or the silent treatment becomes the signal you use to measure your value. Then we look at why divorce can feel like the floor drops out, because the external “okayness” system disappears right when you need stability most.

You’ll hear a simple self-assessment for safety, worth, and belonging, plus a small practice you can use immediately. We also talk about the goal of interdependence, building inner emotional safety and self-esteem while still creating real connection with others.

If you’re ready to stop asking for permission to feel okay and start trusting yourself again, press play, then subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a rating or review. What’s one place you notice yourself outsourcing your worth right now?

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

Your body isn’t “being dramatic” after divorce, it’s doing its best to protect you. When your nervous system gets stuck in fight-or-flight or shutdown, you can feel tense, numb, hyper-alert, or exhausted. I'll walk you through a simple somatic practice that helps you feel safe in your body again without overthinking your way out of stress.

I teach pendulation, a nervous system regulation tool from Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing work. The idea is really simple: notice a place of discomfort in the body, then intentionally shift your attention to a place that feels more neutral or easy, and slowly move back and forth like a pendulum. You’re not trying to force calm, fix your feelings, or make tension disappear. You’re training your body to remember it can move between hard and easy, and that neither state has to take over forever.

You’ll get a step-by-step guided process you can use in two minutes or ten, whether you’re dealing with divorce anxiety, emotional overwhelm, or that familiar sense of being stuck. If you want a practical, trauma-informed way to rebuild self-trust and resilience from the inside out, press play.

Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs nervous system support, and leave a rating or review to help more women find the show.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

Perfectionist fantasies of what tomorrow will bring during divorce can feel useful - like we're moving toward something. Your brain whispers, “Once the decree is signed, once the schedule is set, once the kids adjust, once I heal, then I’ll finally feel calm.” But what if that promise is the very thing keeping you stuck?

In this episode I dig into two sneaky patterns that show up during and after divorce: perfectionist fantasies and tomorrow thinking. Perfectionism doesn’t always look like striving or being “Type A” it often sounds like totally normal thoughts such as “I should have my life together by now” or “I’ll finally feel okay when everything is settled.” I talk about how those expectations can erase the real progress you’re already making, including the peaceful moments you don’t even notice because they don’t match the fantasy.

I share a powerful coaching story from a client who expected instant relief, plus the deeper reason “imagining your future self” can feel so good while also fueling procrastination. I also connect the dots between perfectionism, fear of mistakes, harsh self-judgment, and why starting can feel unbearable even when you care deeply.

You’ll leave with three tools to get out of the fantasy and back into your real life today. If this helps, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s navigating divorce recovery, and leave a quick review so more women can find the support they need.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

There's a moment after divorce when you realize at some point, someone new might see you naked can hit like a wave after divorce. If your first thought is I need to change my body before I’m allowed to date, be touched, or feel confident in myself, you’re not alone and you’re not broken. We’re getting honest about where that fear really comes from, and why it isn’t proof that your body is wrong.

I take a look at how body image after divorce is shaped by messages you absorbed long before you had the critical thinking skills to question them. Beauty standards are not universal, and history makes that painfully clear: what’s been labeled “ideal” swings wildly across cultures and across decades. When the target keeps moving, chasing it can only keep you stuck in comparison, shame, and the feeling that your worth is conditional. I also touch on how the beauty industry is constantly moving the target to keep up the multibillion dollar industry it is, and to keep you constantly feeling not good enough.

From there, we get practical. I share how radical body love can be the destination, while body neutrality is often the bridge, using factual language to calm judgment and rebuild trust with yourself. You’ll also get two powerful journaling questions to expose the permission you think a different body will grant you, plus concrete steps to feel safer in your skin, from reshaping your social media inputs to practicing being in your body instead of policing it.

If this helps, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick rating or review so more divorced women can find support.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

Your brain can turn divorce into a courtroom where every thought sounds like evidence and every feeling becomes a verdict. We’re slowing that whole process down and letting you know what’s really going on: cognitive distortions, or in other words, “brain lies” that spike divorce.

I break down four patterns that show up for so many divorcing and divorced women: all or nothing thinking (I’m either winning or failing), mind reading (everyone definitely hates me), catastrophizing (one hard moment means my future is ruined), and “should” statements (I should be over this by now). I'll also share the real-life ways these distortions hit parenting, co-parenting, and self-trust, plus why your brain loves to collect “evidence” for a story it invented.

Then I move into what to do when you catch yourself spiraling. Think less about perfection and more about being honest with what's true for you.

If you want deeper support, I also share how one-on-one divorce coaching can help you implement these tools with weekly practice and guidance.

Subscribe for more support, share this with a friend who’s in the thick of it, and please leave a rating or review so more women can find the show. What’s the biggest lie your brain tells you right now?

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

That moment when you finally get quiet and realize you don’t know what you want anymore can feel terrifying and weirdly ordinary at the same time. Today I’m going to shine a light on what’s happening for so many women in unhappy marriages and in the aftermath of divorce: identity loss through self-abandonment, the slow, almost invisible disappearing act that can look like love while it quietly erases you.

I'll talk about how this pattern builds over years through tiny decisions like deferring to his preferences and decisions, putting your needs at the bottom of the list, and learning to distrust your intuition. I connect the dots between cultural conditioning, the pressure to be the caretaker and emotional manager, and why so many women only initiate divorce after they’ve tried everything.

Then we get practical. I walk through clear signs of emotional self-abandonment. And I finish the episode with five simple steps to rebuild self-trust. I also share my guide, 115 Ways to Get to Know You, if you want a fun place to start.

If this resonates, subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find the support they deserve.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

Comparison after divorce can feel like a punch to the gut. One run-in with your ex, one hard kid drop-off, or one “perfect life” scroll on Instagram and suddenly your mind is building a case that you’re behind, broken, or failing. I’m Karin Nelson, a divorce coach, and I want to slow that moment down with you and show you what’s actually happening so you can stop treating the comparison as proof that there's something wrong with you.

We start by naming the comparison trap and why it’s so common for divorcing and divorced women. Your brain is wired to compare for safety, and divorce flips so many parts of life at once that your mind goes into overdrive trying to restore certainty. The problem isn’t that you compare. The problem is the harsh meaning you pile on top of it and how your brain cherry-picks “evidence” to support the story you already fear.

Then I give you five practical steps you can use the next time comparison shows up. I also talk about the standards you’ve been handed by culture, religion, and media and how freedom starts when you decide what happiness, success, and family mean for you now.

If you’re ready to stop measuring your worth by someone else’s scoreboard, hit play, share this with a friend who needs it, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. After listening, will you leave a quick rating or review and tell me which step you’re trying first?

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

Divorce can turn even simple choices into second-guessing spirals. If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why can’t I trust my own judgment anymore?”, we’re going straight to the root: self-trust is the foundation for everything you do in your life moving forward after divorce; under every boundary, every parenting decision, every next step. When that foundation feels shaky, everything else feels wobbly too, no matter how good your lawyer is or how many spreadsheets you make.

I dive into the history of where women began learning that we can't trust our own authority. For thousands of years, women have been trained to doubt their instincts and hand over authority to someone else, often a husband or partner. I talk about how that conditioning shows up in real life during divorce, how fear keeps us people pleasing and stuck in survival mode, and why courage isn’t “no fear” but choosing to trust yourself while fear rides in the passenger seat.

Then we get practical with five steps to rebuild self-trust after divorce starting with getting present to reassure your nervous system you're safe and ending with giving yourself permission.

If you’re ready to rebuild confidence, reconnect with your intuition, and make decisions from clarity instead of panic, press play. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs steadiness, and leave a quick review so more women can find this support.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.