There is a version of healing that happens alone. In therapy.In journals. In the 2 a.m. conversations you have with yourself when something finally clicks.

And then you go back to your life. Back to the people youlove. And someone does something ordinary—and everything you understood at 2 a.m. disappears. And you are back in the pattern. Again.

That gap—between what you understand and what you can actually do in the moment with another person—is what this episode is about.

Because understanding is not the same as changing. And I learned that the hard way, inside my marriage, before I had the words to explain what was happening to me or to ask for what I needed.

IN THIS EPISODE

— The fawn-to-flood cycle inside a marriage—and why leaving the room isn’t abandonment, it’s regulation

— Why your nervous system can’t just “choose better” mid-conflict—and what has to happen first

— Co-regulation: what it is, why it matters, and how telling Jimmy what I needed changed everything

— What it looks like when you can hear the words but can’t yet receive them

— What my children inherited from watching Jimmy and me fight—and what changed when we did the work

— Why understanding a pattern and interrupting it in real time are two completely different skills

CONTENT NOTE

This episode discusses inherited trauma, nervous systemresponses, emotional flooding, conflict in adult relationships, and the impact of parental conflict on children. Please listen at your own pace.

In the U.S., call or text 988—free, confidential, 24/7.Outside the U.S.: findahelpline.com. You do not have to navigate this alone.

COMING UP NEXT

Dr. Rondalyn Whitney—PhD, occupational therapist, Fellow ofthe American Occupational Therapy Association, researcher, writer, and author of fifteen books—joins Tressa for the next guest episode. Her episode is called Before the Damage Is Done. Subscribe so you don’t miss it.

GET THE BOOK

The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma—And How WeInterrupt It

amazon.com/author/tressalbell

Coming Soon: You Can Interrupt It: A Practical Guide for theParent Who Inherited Trauma and Swore They’d Do It Differently—If the memoir gave you the story, this book gives you the roadmap. Built around the Interruption Model™—practical tools for doing the work one pattern at a time.Ebook available for preorder now. Paperback and hardcover available August 18th.

Preorder link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H9P1LYWT

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This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it.