In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series by unpacking another Murray Landsman saying: “It is useful to view the past in a friendly way.”

They explore what it really means to make peace with your past, including how to work with regret, grief, and painful memories without spiritually bypassing or pretending everything was “meant to be.” Through stories of a woman dancing on the beach to honor friends who died, family history at Cocoa Beach, and a powerful dream about everything in life being a gift wrapped in challenges, they show how intentionality and self-awareness can shift how you relate to what’s already happened.

They also touch on the unconscious mind, Zen teachings on regret, and our cultural obsession with self‑improvement—why it’s so tempting to replay the past, and how to learn from your history without living in the rearview mirror.

If you’ve ever wondered how to let go of regret, be kinder to your past self, or hold grief and loss without getting stuck there, this conversation is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

• How the simple phrase “It is useful to view the past in a friendly way” can completely change your relationship with regret and memory
• The story of a woman dancing at sunrise on the beach to honor friends who died—and what it teaches about grief
• Why humans are 95–99% unconscious (according to some neuropsychologists) and what that means for how we judge ourselves and others
• The difference between being actually cruel and just being unconscious and automatic in our behavior
• How to tell the difference between genuinely learning from the past and just replaying it in your mental rearview mirror
• Why trying to be “less human” (through self‑improvement, perfectionism, or avoiding aging and death) actually increases suffering
• What Zen teachings suggest about regret, karma, and the idea that things couldn’t have happened any other way
• A powerful dream message that “everything in life is a gift—and the really good gifts come wrapped in challenges”
• Practical ways to be friendlier to your past self without bypassing pain or pretending everything is “for the best”
• How seeing your past more kindly can open up more compassion, freedom, and joy in the present

Links:

• Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment
• Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse
• Episode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance
• Episode #19 - Intentionality, Part 4: Your Reality is as Good as Anyone Else’s

Books:

• The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series by unpacking two powerful Murray Landsman sayings: “Be nice to yourself” and “Your reality is as good as anybody else’s.”

They explore how negative self-talk, shame, and “autoimmune emotions” can impact your mental and physical health, and what it really means to be kinder to yourself without slipping into avoidance or indulgence.

They also dive into subjective reality in relationships—why so many arguments become battles over “who’s right,” how to handle conflict and hard conversations, and how tools like real dialogue and paraphrasing can lower emotional threat and help you truly understand someone you disagree with (about anything from daily annoyances to politics and the pandemic).

If you’ve ever wondered how to stop being mean to yourself, communicate more intentionally, or stay connected when realities collide, this conversation is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

• How “be nice to yourself” can quietly transform harsh inner criticism and negative self-talk
• Why being mean to yourself is like having an “autoimmune emotional problem”
• The surprising difference between mindfulness and intentionality (and why it matters)
• Everyday examples of choosing how you want to show up vs. living on autopilot
• What “your reality is as good as anybody else’s” really means in relationships
• How fights turn into battles over “who wins reality” (and how to step out of that trap)
• The hidden emotional threat behind “How could you believe that?” in political and pandemic debates
• A simple real dialog tool—paraphrasing—that can instantly cool down conflict
• Ways subjectivity and curiosity can create a bridge between very different worldviews

Links:

• Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment
• Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse
• Episode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance
• The Power of Connection TED talk by Hedy Schleifer

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this third episode of our Intentionality series, Nyssa and Kelly return to Murry Landsman’s handwritten bathroom poster to explore one deceptively simple slogan: “If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance.”

They unpack how this idea sits between toxic positivity and nihilism, framing it as “agency under constraint”—taking real responsibility for your participation in the world without pretending you can control everything. Along the way, they weave together stories of 90s eco‑kids trying to “save the planet,” Nyssa’s work helping clients heal through bodywork, Kelly’s reflections on Buddhism, karma, and projection, and why conflict is often the very thing that helps us evolve.

If you’ve ever wondered how to make a difference without burning out, stay hopeful without spiritual bypassing, and see “the whole world as medicine,” this conversation is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

• How one simple slogan—“If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance”—can change how you see your role in life.
• The difference between toxic positivity, fantasy “manifestation,” and grounded, realistic hope.
• What Kelly means by “agency under constraint” and how it helps you avoid both grandiosity and nihilism.
• How 80s/90s “save the planet” messaging shaped Nyssa’s belief that her actions actually matter.
• Why believing your work might help someone (in therapy, bodywork, or relationships) gives you a better chance that it will.
• A playful dive into projective identification and how we unconsciously train people (and pets!) to act the way we expect.
• The Buddhist idea that “the whole world is medicine” and what it means for everyday conflicts and challenges.
• A wild pirate parable that reframes karma, intention, and “doing the least harm” in impossible situations.
• How trying to change anything—yourself, a relationship, or the world—inevitably brings conflict, and why that’s often what helps us evolve.
• Seeing intentionality as a uniquely human superpower in an age obsessed with AI, efficiency, and quick fixes.

Links:

• Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment
• Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse
• Episode #11 - How to Get What You Want (Without Toxic Positivity or Wishful Thinking)

Books:

• Me, But Better by Olga Khazan

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this second episode of our Intentionality series, Nyssa and Kelly return to the handwritten bathroom poster of Uncle Murry Landsman’s teachings to explore three more life-shaping slogans: “Everything works. Nothing works.” “Feeling good needs no excuse.” and “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”

They unpack how these paradoxical ideas speak to perfectionism, decision fatigue, and the pressure to “get it right” in self‑improvement, therapy, relationships, work, and even gardening—sharing stories about planners and exercise programs, laughing in the midst of grief, and Kelly’s humbling journey learning Thai massage.

Along the way, they explore intentional living as a uniquely human capacity, how “everything works and nothing works” disrupts the fantasy of the one perfect method, and why letting yourself feel good without guilt or justification is essential for emotional healing and resilience.

If you’re interested in letting go of perfectionism, starting before you feel ready, and finding more space and freedom in your inner life and relationships, this conversation is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

• How “Everything works. Nothing works.” can free you from chasing the one perfect method
• Why perfectionism quietly keeps you stuck (and how to move anyway, even “badly”)
• The surprising link between intentionality, being human, and not wanting to be a “god”
• What it really means that “feeling good needs no excuse” in grief, crisis, and everyday life
• How numbing difficult emotions can also shut down your capacity for joy
• The secret life of planners, exercise programs, and self-help methods that “should” fix everything
• A real relationship moment: choosing not to stay stuck in defensiveness and resentment
• What gardening and Thai massage can teach us about being beginners again
• Why hobbies matter more when you’re willing to be bad at them
• Simple ways to “do it badly” on purpose in your relationships and personal growth

Links:

• Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this first episode of our Intentionality series, Nyssa and Kelly pull back the curtain on a wild synchronicity in their shared lineage: a 1970s psychologist named Murry Landsman, the human potential movement, and a handwritten bathroom poster of life-changing intentionality slogans.

We explore the first two: “Everything you’ve done in life prepared you for this moment” and “It is frequently easier to get what you want when you know what it is.” Along the way, we talk about trauma reframing, secondary gain, and what it means to move from “this happened to me” to “this is mine to use” in your own healing and personal growth.

If you’re interested in emotional healing, self-awareness, and the human potential movement, or you’ve ever wondered how to make meaning of your past, this conversation is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

• How a 1970s human potential pioneer secretly shaped both our lives decades apart
• The bathroom poster of “Murray’s slogans” that quietly trained Nyssa’s child brain
• What “Everything you’ve done in life prepared you for this moment” really asks of you
• How shifting from “this happened to me” to “this is mine to use” changes your story
• Why we cling to diagnostic labels (trauma, anxiety, etc.) and what secondary gain has to do with it
• The surprising connection between intentionality, Buddhism, and 12-step slogans
• “It’s easier to get what you want when you know what it is” — and why we avoid knowing
• Vague desires vs. clear wants: how doing “the next relevant thing” brings clarity
• What it really means to give yourself permission to want what you want
• Space Mountain, home renovation, and why big life changes feel like roller coasters in the dark

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa unpack why conflict doesn’t have to mean something is wrong—in fact, it can be the very path to deeper connection.

Drawing on the work of Dr. Polly Young-Eisendrath and the Center for Real Dialog, they explore how “healthy conflict” in relationships can reduce emotional threat, calm our inner “baby,” and transform repetitive fights into opportunities for understanding. You’ll hear how real dialog helps with couples conflict, family estrangement, and everyday triggers like dishes, laundry, and tone over email—plus why “working for peace” is different from stopping war in our homes and in the world.

Along the way, they weave together stories from a big week of events in Tampa, including Polly’s talks on Buddhism, Jung, and real dialogue, and Kelly’s role as Chief of Staff at the Center. Themes like how to handle conflict in relationships, how to communicate during conflict, why we get stuck in the same arguments, and how to know your path (by doing the next relevant thing) all show up in practical, down-to-earth language. If you’ve ever wondered how to stay in relationship when you don’t agree—or how to turn “enemy button” moments into curiosity—this episode is a warm, honest guide.

Main Topics Covered:

• How conflict can actually be the way to peace (and why trying to “keep the peace” often backfires)
• Why conflict doesn’t automatically mean there’s a “problem” in your relationship
• What “real dialog” is and how it lowers emotional threat between people
• The surprising power of healthy conflict in couples, families, and communities
• How Dr. Polly Young-Eisendrath’s work blends Buddhism, Jungian psychology, and relationships
• The “enemy button” and the baby inside us that still runs our reactions in conflict
• Projective identification: the invisible pattern that keeps pulling you into the same fights
• “Do the next relevant thing”: a simple way to navigate your path when you feel lost
• What happened when Polly brought real dialog to a high-end social club—and why people opened up
• Kelly’s new role as Chief of Staff at the Center for Real Dialog and what she’s learning about working in conflict every day

Links:

• Center for Real Dialogue
• Time is Honey Radiolab Episode - mentioned in the podcast
• Ep #1: Welcome to Being Different Together: How It All Started
• Ep #2: What Our “Enemy Button” Gets Wrong About Conflict

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this episode, Nyssa and Dr. Kelly answer a listener question about one simple but powerful object: the meditation bell.

What is the purpose of a bell in your meditation space? They explore how a meditation bell (or singing bowl, chime, or timer bell) can mark transitions, create a ritual for mindfulness, and help you “come home” to yourself. From Thich Nhat Hanh’s bell of mindfulness to Insight Timer bells, church bells, traffic lights, and even phone notifications, they look at how sound can become a cue to pause, breathe, and pay intentional attention.

They also extend the idea of the bell into everyday life and relationships—introducing the idea of a “relational bell” for when conversations get heated. You’ll hear about code words like “lunch meat,” using heart-rate monitors as a bell for conflict, and how sound, silence, and space can transform how we communicate.

If you’ve ever wondered how to use a bell in meditation, how sound and ritual can deepen your mindfulness practice, or how to build in gentle pauses in your relationships and conflict conversations, this episode offers playful, practical, and heartfelt ideas to try.

Main Topics Covered:

• How a simple meditation bell can completely change the energy of a room
• Why humans seem wired to respond to bells, gongs, and chimes (and what that has to do with archetypes)
• The “bell of mindfulness” in Buddhist practice and what Thich Nhat Hanh teaches about coming home to yourself
• Turning everyday sounds—traffic lights, phone dings, microwaves—into mindfulness cues
• How to create a simple, meaningful meditation space (even if you don’t have a whole room)
• What Nyssa’s stop sign, Kelly’s wooden pyramid timer, and acupuncture chimes all have in common
• The idea of a “relational bell” for pausing hard conversations before they blow up
• Code words like “lunch meat,” heart-rate watches, and other creative ways couples can de‑escalate
• Why silence, rest, and space are just as important as sound in music, poetry, and relationships
• How playfulness, humor, and a well-timed pause can shift you from “you’re my enemy” back to “you’re my person”

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

In this episode of Being Different Together, Nyssa and Kelly welcome the spring equinox by exploring what this turning point in the seasons can teach us about personal growth, relationships, and real dialogue.

Using the story of their unassuming little peach tree—hidden, pruned back hard, and now bursting with blossoms—they unpack the difference between cultivation and control, and why pruning (in your garden and your life) can feel painful but is often exactly what allows new growth to emerge.

Along the way, they touch on the meaning of the spring equinox, the symbolism of eggs and Easter, and how ancient rhythms of light and dark mirror our own inner seasons.

Main Topics Covered:

• How the spring equinox mirrors the inner seasons of your own growth and change
• Why a scraggly little peach tree became a powerful symbol for self-discovery
• The surprising connection between pruning and becoming more of who you already are
• What Jungian individuation really means (and how it’s different from self‑improvement)
• How real dialogue “prunes” people-pleasing, politeness, and performative responses
• Simple language shifts (like dropping “you” and “we”) that make conversations more honest
• The idea of “karma farming” and how to plant seeds for the life you actually want
• Why measuring success by effort and conditions, not outcomes, changes everything
• How to hold commitment in relationships when you feel stuck in the same old patterns
• The difference between cultivating growth and trying to control it—in gardens, goals, and love

Referenced Episodes

• Ep. #13 on “The Pen”

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady