Just in time to miss the holidays, Mikey and Jesse are joined by Jesse's husband Gabriel for an extra-unhinged holiday episode that starts with Christmas origins… and spirals beautifully from there.

What begins as a deep dive into where Christmas actually comes from—pagan rituals, winter solstice, Saturnalia, mistletoe, trees, lights, and all—quickly turns into a brutally honest (and hilarious) conversation about family dysfunction, cultural traditions, religion, queerness, grief, and what the holidays really feel like when you don’t fit the Hallmark mold.

Along the way, we cover:

• Why December 25th isn’t Jesus’ real birthday

• Pagan traditions the church “rebranded”

• Latino, Filipino, and American holiday customs

• Toxic family dynamics, religion, and being LGBTQ+ during the holidays

• Cutting off family, setting boundaries, and chosen family

• Spirituality, cults, reincarnation, aliens, ghosts, demons, déjà vu, and whether this life might actually be hell

• Seasonal depression, loss, and finding joy on your own terms

• And… plenty of off-the-rails stories that definitely didn’t make it into church

It’s messy, funny, uncomfortable, heartfelt, and very Closet Cases.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, something else, or nothing at all—this episode is a reminder that you’re allowed to build your own traditions, protect your peace, and survive the holidays however you need to.

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🎄 Chrysler Merry, babes.

We bring on our first guest and immediately regret nothing. Ellis joins Jesse and Mikey for an episode that’s basically New Orleans trauma bonding: service-industry bullshit, roommate disasters, military rumors, sketchy hookups, near crimes, and people who absolutely should not have been given keys or leases.

There’s no lesson here. Just bad decisions, worse roommates, and the kind of stories you only tell people you trust — or strangers on the internet with a microphone.

If you’ve ever lived with someone unhinged, overshared at 2 a.m., or thought “this probably shouldn’t be recorded”… this one’s for you.

Follow us: @ClosetCasesPod

Because we are messy, shameless, and morally unavailable. 🌈💦

In this episode we tackle:

• ghost stories

• historical artifacts and mysterious pipes

• microplastics in our balls

• Jamba Juice horror

• Mormon gays and their “same sex attraction” scale

• Housewives meltdowns

• toxic church camps

• Jesus Camp pool confessions

• vagina toys we don’t understand

• questionable cosmetic procedures

• the evolution of mac ’n’ cheese taste

• and whore baths (praise be)