Love is probably one of the most frequently used words in the world. We use it in many contexts and for many purposes. We do all sorts of things in the name of love.

But do we really know what love is? Many think this is the strongest, most important emotion. The healing agent, the catalyst for all sorts of healing. And it is to some degree. It can bring us so much joy and happiness. And it can also be painful and hurtful.

There is one territory of love that I would like to address tonight specifically. I am sure you know this territory very well because it has been dominantly present in the atmosphere of growth and healing and change for the last couple of decades. This is the territory of love for the self.

How many of you have heard or read or been advised by this statement; You just need to love yourself?

I know I have been. And I know it is not so easy.

Why?

I can list many reasons, but one pops up for me. This reason is called kindness. It is in the lap of kindness that we find true love. I am asking you what is love without kindness.

I see love as a very personal meaning that involves our engagement in life that has a specific direction. Where kindness is softer, more openhearted, and more impersonal. Kindness is woven into us and is one of the basic elements that the universe is made of. We are made out of kindness and with kindness.

In modern society, achievements are overrated and very unclear because of a lot of misconceptions. The truth is that we all like the feeling of achieving. But when achieving becomes one of the main if not the most important drives in our lives we are in a lot of trouble. Why? When we talk about achievements it looks pretty natural that we also talk about goals. What are we achieving if we don't have the goal(s) that we (or others) have set for ourselves to achieve? The binding of goals and achievements together into an inseparable bundle is only half of the truth. What more is there in this seemingly forever-married couple? Let us explore this together. In our last Come Closer event we touched on the universal dimension of desire. But when we talk about goals and achievements, we talk about something very personal. When we achieve something, when we reach the goal, it lifts us up (at least most of the time). Sometimes is like taking a drug, being on speed, can be enchanting. And this can become a great trap. If we put achievements and goals too high, if we give them too much credit, we can become slaves to them. Goals and achievements can become the most important thing in our lives or at least more important than other important things. We can lose our sense of gravity, boundary, when to stop, and when to rest. A lot of burn-out cases are happening because of that. We forget about the path. We forget about other goodies. Our vision narrows into a tunnel. Have any of you had that experience in your life?

Humans tend to believe that desire is personally owned. The truth is it is not. The truth is that desire is a force of nature, it is a cosmic/universal quality that is present and working independently and at the same time is inherently present in every cell of our body, in each tiniest particle of the universe. It is this force that makes a seed sprout and grows into a tree or carrot or a wonderful rose. It is this force that helps semen find an egg to fertilize it so it can grow and develop into a new life (human or animal). It is this force that makes a stone to be a stone that defies time and weather.

Come Closer and explore this topic with us.

We all want to be worthy, loved, liked, good, and winners... These are the qualities that were for most of us more valuable than the rest of our conditions, or feelings. That dynamic is driving us to aim for perfection that is separating us from our true selves, from our humanity. We distance ourselves from those parts of us that were not validated or seen or acknowledged. What if we can meet perfection and all those parts of ourselves differently? What if we can come closer to all those parts and stay?

It is one of the most natural reactions of all living beings to run away from danger. This is nothing we can change even though humans try to do just that all the time by hiding, denying, masking, and pretending to be strong, capable, and persistent. We mask our feelings and sensations; we pretend we are not touched or hurt.

British have an idiom saying “Stiff your upper lip” which would mean you stay steady and determent, not showing any doubts, regrets, or softness.

I say this is not human. From time to time, we also need to take that position. But we are much more than that. We have feelings and thoughts and sensations – we are very complex multidimensional beings. We are many things, not just one.

When we pretend or play that we are something that we are not, we do that by distancing from our feelings and thoughts, we distance ourselves from the self.

There are 2 major elements at play here.

First is recognizing the danger. By danger, I mean anything that we perceive as threatening including our feelings and thoughts, reactions to others…

The real question we should ask ourselves here is how often the real danger is threatening us and how often we only believe it is dangerous because of the painful experiences in our history. One way to tell the difference is to come closer.

The second element is in the question of why we narrow down the options we have to mostly just one option - to run away.

The answer is in the fact that we are trained to not be fully present, trained to not be connected to the whole self, to everything we are. This comes down to very simple and elemental things like thoughts and ideas that we have about ourselves.

• Who we are and how do we think/believe that the world sees us?
• Do they judge or accept us?
• Do we judge or accept ourselves and others?
• Can we tolerate the discomfort of not being whole self?
• Can we bear the pain of pretending to be who we were trained to be, and live as it is expected of us to live?

It is very difficult to constantly maintain the image of something that is not in alignment with all of us.

When we decide to come closer, we cannot do this only by talking about and meeting the good stuff. We need to be ready to take it all.

It is not about accepting everything. Some things cannot be accepted.

We first need to know what we are accepting!

It is not about solving things. Some things can’t be solved.

We need to understand the problem first before we jump into decisions about solving them!

It is about building a relationship. It is about training the muscles to build the capacity to stay with what is. It is about evoking the skills to not be mostly in reactive mode – fight or fly

Coming closer means we stop – we stop running, denying, and acting for any cost...

Coming closer means, we take time to look and get to know what is there. It means we consciously create space for everything to appear and exist as it is.

Today we will come closer to ourselves. This is the first step. To give ourselves some space and time. To test what happens if we are witnessed in places that until now, we thought are less than, not acceptable, bad, broken beyond repair...

Many of us believe that the wholeness we desire so much takes great effort to achieve and exists in a realm far away from our everyday lives. But what if this wholeness already lives inside of us as part of our most simple and tender self? How would our lives be different if we knew where to look for this wholeness and could make it part of our daily experience of life? Let’s explore this.

We usually think of healing and spiritual awakening as the result of achieving certain goals in meditation, chanting, or other spiritual practice such as silencing the mind, eradicating the ego, or merging into the Oneness of the Absolute. But what if awakening is actually something else entirely?

Explore with me and co-teacher Elisabeth Almerini