Thomas Hale’s life began in a neonatal unit, one of five babies fighting to survive. From the very start, his body was shaped by medical trauma—surgeries, sepsis, cerebral palsy, and a lifetime of resilience forged long before most people learn what survival costs. By seventeen, he had lost his bladder and bowel. Independence became something he had to fight for daily, quietly, and without applause.

What followed, years later, was not just a marriage—but a slow, devastating lesson in coercive control.

From the outside, the relationship appeared loving, stable, and safe. Behind closed doors, control tightened. Thomas speaks with clarity and dignity about how it unfolded: constant phone monitoring, isolation from friends and family, financial restriction that left him with £20 a fortnight, cycles of intimidation and violence, and self-harm used as a weapon to keep him fearful and compliant. Just three days after the wedding, the mask slipped—and seven and a half years of isolation followed.

Life became smaller. One room. Repetition. Survival through habit and adrenaline.

Until one hour changed everything.

With no certainty of safety and no guarantee of support, Thomas made a decision that required extraordinary courage. A taxi. A call for help. A step into the unknown.

What comes next is not a neat recovery story, but an honest one. Rebuilding trust after being disbelieved. Re-establishing boundaries without apology. Reconnecting with people who only ever saw the public performance of the relationship. Finding joy again through theatre, live music, and creativity. Learning to live fully while carrying both visible and invisible scars.

As a sponsor of this channel, Thomas does not share his story for sympathy. He shares it to educate, to protect, and to give language to experiences that too often remain hidden. He names the red flags clearly—surveillance, financial control, isolation, humiliation, threats framed as care—so others can recognise danger sooner and leave more safely.

Thomas reminds us that pain does not need comparison to be valid. That courage is not loud or heroic—it is often quiet, trembling, and decisive. And that help exists, even when the world feels silent.

His medical challenges continue. His advocacy continues. And so does his commitment to choosing truth, dignity, and hope over silence.

This episode covers:

• Quintuplet birth and neonatal survival
• Cerebral palsy, bladder failure, repeated surgeries, and dual stomas
• Identity, confidence, and relationships with disability
• Miscarriage and shared grief
• Coercive control: surveillance, isolation, and financial abuse
• Violence and self-harm used as manipulation
• Losing work, friendships, and family contact for seven and a half years
• The breaking point and planning a safe exit
• Recovery through boundaries, community, and creative expression
• Practical red flags and guidance for safe leaving
• Why no one should face coercive control alone

This conversation exists because courage was chosen in silence.

Thomas Hale’s story is not shared for shock, sympathy, or headlines. It is shared because coercive control thrives in isolation, disbelief, and quiet dismissal. By speaking openly, Thomas is helping create the language, awareness, and confidence others may need to recognise what is happening in their own lives.

As a sponsor of this channel, Thomas supports the work of bringing real stories into the open—stories that challenge assumptions, confront uncomfortable truths, and remind people that abuse does not always look the way we expect it to. Control can be subtle. It can wear the mask of care. And it can happen to anyone.

If you recognise yourself in any part of this episode, know this:

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“Welcome to Definitely Not Therapy…
the place where real life finally gets a voice.

I’m Dan Lawrence — someone once called me a social media sensation, so I’m rolling with it — but this show… it is not about hype.
It is about honesty.

Every episode, I sit down with a complete stranger.
Someone carrying a story.
Someone who’s lived through the kind of moments that break you…
and somehow found a way to stand back up again.

Because life does hit hard.
We do fall apart at the seams.
But when we talk…
when we open up…
when we share the trauma we were told to bury…
we realise we’re not the only ones fighting for tomorrow.

Here, nothing is filtered.
Nothing is off-limits.
Men’s mental health, stigma, shame, fear — we bring it all to the table.
It is not therapy.
It is two humans being real for an hour.
And sometimes… that’s enough to save someone’s day.

If you’ve got a story — if you’ve walked through darkness, healing, chaos, or change — and you want to share it with Dan…
email onlydanlawrence@gmail.com
.
Your story might be the one that helps someone choose tomorrow.

And if this episode helps you —
subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a nudge to check in or finally speak up.
Let’s spread these conversations further, together.

This is Definitely Not Therapy.
Let’s talk.”**

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What happens after you ask for help — and the help still does not come?

This episode lives in that space.

In a raw and deeply honest conversation, James opens up about the months that followed reaching out for mental health support — an eight-month wait that became one of the most challenging chapters of his life. It is a story shaped by grief, pressure, responsibility, and the quiet reality that resilience sometimes has to last far longer than anyone warns you it will.

James speaks openly about the weight of being “the happy one” — the person others lean on, the one who keeps everything moving, while slowly unravelling behind the scenes. He shares the reality of supporting a daughter living with a serious eating disorder, navigating a system that keeps shifting the rules, and standing firm in the belief that men’s voices belong at the centre of mental health conversations — not on the margins.

This episode shines a light on experiences many across the UK — and around the world — will recognise:
being reassessed because life circumstances changed, being redirected to new services with fresh waiting lists, and the crushing sense of starting again just as hope begins to return. We also talk candidly about the emotional impact of social media — how curated happiness can deepen isolation, and why honest, balanced stories do far more good than flawless feeds ever could.

But this conversation is not only about what is broken.

It is about what keeps people going.

James shares what is helping now: peer-led spaces like Andy’s Man Club and local initiatives such as Bottled Up Blokes — places where men can walk in, sit down, and be heard without fixing, performing, or pretending. We explore practical tools listeners can use immediately: asking twice, listening properly, setting early warning signs, and choosing one small joy that reliably lifts the day.

For James, that joy arrived unexpectedly — musical theatre nights with his son. For someone listening, it might be a short walk to a community room where someone remembers your name.

This episode is for anyone who has ever:

• waited too long for support
• carried everyone else while neglecting themselves
• masked pain behind humour or strength
• or questioned whether their voice even mattered

If this resonates, follow the show, share this episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review so these stories can reach further.
And when the episode ends, send a message to someone you care about — and ask the second question:

How are you really?

In this episode, we explore:

• men masking pain as “the happy one”
• eight-month waits and redirected mental health support
• grief compounding existing mental health struggles
• supporting a child with an eating disorder
• charities bridging gaps in UK mental health services
• peer groups as fast access, safety, and belonging
• how to ask twice — and truly listen
• social media pressure on men and young people
• early warning signs and personal coping tools
• kindness online and the cost of casual comments
• small joys that build resilience and hope

Please visit www.belltrades.co.uk
— and if a friend mentions a kitchen or bathroom, put them in touch with Bell Trades

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