What happens when two people avoid addressing a problem between them and redirect their anxiety toward someone—or something—else?

In this episode of Leadership Limbo, Josh Hugo and John Clark introduce the concept of emotional triangles: relationship patterns in which tension between two people gets redirected toward a third party. That third point might be another employee, a supervisor, a child, a union, senior leadership, or an entire organization.

Using examples from families, schools, and workplace relationships, Josh and John explore how triangles allow people to avoid difficult conversations and shift responsibility away from themselves. Two colleagues may bond over their frustration with a shared enemy rather than address the conflict between them. A manager may bring an employee problem to a supervisor seeking agreement or rescue instead of taking responsibility for managing it.

Supervisors can unintentionally reinforce these patterns. They may join the manager in criticizing the third person or immediately prescribe a solution, bypassing the manager’s responsibility to think, act, and develop as a leader.

Recognizing a triangle creates an opportunity to slow the pattern down and restore responsibility to the people who can actually address the problem. Rather than absorbing someone else’s anxiety or solving the issue for them, leaders can ask questions that return attention to the person’s choices, actions, and influence.

This episode introduces the framework and helps listeners identify where triangles may already be operating in their teams. A future conversation will explore additional ways leaders can respond to them.

An emotional triangle forms when tension between two people is redirected toward a third person, group, or problem.

Triangles are a natural feature of human relationships, but they can become dysfunctional when they allow people to avoid direct conversations.

Two people may strengthen their relationship by blaming a shared third party without resolving the actual problem between them.

Managers sometimes bring employee problems to their supervisors seeking affirmation, rescue, or a prescribed solution.

When supervisors solve a manager’s problem for them, they may unintentionally weaken that manager’s authority and development.

Questions can help return responsibility to the person who owns the relationship and the problem.

Asking what someone is gaining from an unresolved problem can reveal why the pattern continues. Avoidance may provide comfort, preserve status, or protect someone from an uncomfortable conversation.

Recognizing a triangle is not an invitation to judge yourself. It creates a chance to pause, reclaim your agency, and respond more deliberately.

00:00 – Introductions, Naps, and Podcast Updates

03:10 – When Managers Model the Problem They See in Others

05:30 – What Is an Emotional Triangle?

07:48 – How Triangles Develop in Families

11:07 – When Coworkers Unite Against a Shared Problem

14:15 – How Supervisors Get Pulled Into Managers’ Problems

18:24 – Using Questions to Restore Responsibility

20:18 – What Are You Gaining From the Problem?

23:46 – Why Leaders Need to Recognize Triangles

25:45 – Listener Homework

Think of one unresolved workplace relationship. Where might a third person, group, or problem be absorbing attention that belongs between the two people involved?

Identify your part, then consider what direct conversation or action would return responsibility to the right place.

A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman

Images of Triangles, as discussed on show