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Most of us look for relief from anxiety and low moods in all the usual places, but rarely question the rooms, routines, and people we return to every single day. Emilia Smith and Bianca Thomas step outside their usual format to share the mental health advice that years behind the scenes have shown them people avoid most. It starts with Bianca's story of smoking hookah from childhood into her mid-twenties, and why every promise to quit fell apart when everyone around her kept lighting up.

In this episode, we unpack why your environment shapes your mental health more than anyone is willing to admit, how the 80/20 rule reveals where your habits really come from, and why settling for a "good enough" life leaves so many people feeling empty. Emilia shares two questions to audit the spaces you spend the most time in, Bianca explains why the need to belong can outweigh even an athlete's identity, and together they make the case that loving someone is not the same as them being good for you. You'll also hear why belief steps, not baby steps, are what move your behavior toward the person you want to become.

Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation: #505 | Why We Feel Attacked When People Try to Help - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/505-why-we-feel-attacked-when-people-try-to-help/id1511831621?i=1000768356024

Learn more about:

🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "What You're Carrying That Was Never Yours To Hold" - https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration

📆 Evolve Group Coaching - https://evolveventurestech.com/evolve-group-coaching/

📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

Connect with Emilia, Bianca & the EVOLVE VENTURES Community:
Website: http://www.evolveventurestech.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/evolveventures/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EvolveVenturesTech (Public Page)

Evolve Ventures Society (Private Facebook Group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/457130589193794

Emilia's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithemilia/

Emilia's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithemilia

Bianca's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithbianca/

Bianca's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithbianca?_t=8gq3wqu4fAx&_r=1

Connect with Emilia from Evolve Ventures for FREE: https://calendly.com/emiliasmith/free-evp-communityconnect

Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(1:19) What you avoid is what you need
(2:48) Your environment isn't built for you
(5:40) Why good enough feels empty
(6:51) Smoking hookah at nine years old
(9:06) Can't quit when everyone smokes
(9:39) Julie shares her experience as a member of the Evolve Ventures
(11:14) Why environment never shows up in search
(13:24) Audit where you spend 80% of your time
(17:13) Loving someone isn't enough
(19:03) Where healthy habits are celebrated
(21:38) Outro

***Leave them a 5-star review if you felt their energy, became inspired, or felt the value was added to your life in your EVOLUTION.

(Stay tuned for this coming [Monday's episode!)

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Most people walk into therapy hoping it will change their lives, but few know what to look for before they ever sit down on the couch. Emilia and Bianca draw on years of clinical experience, thousands of sessions, and their own personal therapy journeys to share what can make or break your experience, plus a behind-the-scenes look at the standard they hold as they grow Evolve Therapy's team of clinicians.

In this episode, we unpack five things you need to know before getting a therapist. You'll hear why asking about a therapist's therapeutic orientation shapes everything from feedback to homework, why the real work begins after you leave the session, and why a therapist who leads by example matters more than credentials on a wall. They also explore how ready you actually are when therapy gets uncomfortable, a powerful client story about external locus of control, and why the problem you walk in with is rarely the root you end up uncovering together.

Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation: #505 | Why We Feel Attacked When People Try to Help - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/505-why-we-feel-attacked-when-people-try-to-help/id1511831621?i=1000768356024

Learn more about:

🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "What You're Carrying That Was Never Yours To Hold" - https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration

📆 Evolve Group Coaching - https://evolveventurestech.com/evolve-group-coaching/

📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

Connect with Emilia, Bianca & the EVOLVE VENTURES Community:

Website: http://www.evolveventurestech.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/evolveventures/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EvolveVenturesTech (Public Page)

Evolve Ventures Society (Private Facebook Group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/457130589193794

Emilia's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithemilia/

Emilia's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithemilia

Bianca's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithbianca/

Bianca's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithbianca?_t=8gq3wqu4fAx&_r=1

Connect with Emilia from Evolve Ventures for FREE: https://calendly.com/emiliasmith/free-evp-communityconnect

Show notes:

(0:00) Intro
(1:00) Five things before getting a therapist
(5:15) The credentials behind this conversation
(11:10) Ask about therapeutic orientation
(15:55) Modality as your therapist's medium
(17:55) The work begins after you leave
(21:15) Emilia invites you to join Out of the Mud, the free live virtual event hosted the last Wednesday of every month.
(22:12) Buying the treadmill isn't enough
(22:50) Is your therapist leading by example?
(29:15) How ready are you, actually?
(34:35) Know the problem, stay open to the root
(37:32) Therapy as a collaboration
(39:26) Outro

***Leave them a 5-star review if you felt their energy, became inspired, or felt the value was added to your life in your EVOLUTION.

(Stay tuned for this coming Thursday's episode!)

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Today, Emilia and Bianca take on one of the most uncomfortable and least talked about topics there is: the toxic family narratives so many of us absorbed growing up, and how these sayings were built to protect the family image rather than the people inside it.

In this episode, we unpack the real origin of "blood is thicker than water" and why its true meaning is the opposite of how families use it, the common mottos like "what happens in the house stays in the house" and "I'll give you something to cry about," and how appearances can come to matter more than truth. Drawing on the work of John Bradshaw, Virginia Satir, and Dr. Yael Danieli, they explore shame-based family rules, multigenerational legacies of trauma, and why so many of us learned to override our own sense that something wasn't safe. If you've ever quietly known the truth about your family system, this conversation is your permission slip to acknowledge it as real.

Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation: #535 | I Did the Best I Could Is Not a Valid Excuse - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/535-everything-you-need-to-know-about-handling-rude/id1511831621?i=1000786923905

Learn more about:

🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "Why Change Feels So Uncomfortable (Even When You Want It)" - https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration

📆 Evolve Group Coaching - https://evolveventurestech.com/evolve-group-coaching/

📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

Connect with Emilia, Bianca & the EVOLVE VENTURES Community:

Website: http://www.evolveventurestech.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/evolveventures/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EvolveVenturesTech (Public Page)

Evolve Ventures Society (Private Facebook Group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/457130589193794

Emilia's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithemilia/

Emilia's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithemilia

Bianca's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithbianca/

Bianca's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithbianca?_t=8gq3wqu4fAx&_r=1

Connect with Emilia from Evolve Ventures for FREE: https://calendly.com/emiliasmith/free-evp-communityconnect

Show notes:

(0:00) Cold open: Breaking the silence around toxic family culture
(1:37) Toxic family narratives we all heard
(5:04) Debunking “blood is thicker than water”
(8:09) Harmful family sayings and childhood discipline
(9:36) Bianca invites you to join Out of the Mud, the free live virtual event hosted the last Wednesday of every month.
(10:13) When appearances matter more than truth
(12:41) Generational trauma and learned dysfunction
(16:41) Trusting your experience and acknowledging the truth
(19:26) Outro: Final message and episode recommendation

***Leave them a 5-star review if you felt their energy, became inspired, or felt the value was added to your life in your EVOLUTION.***

(Stay tuned for this coming Thursday's episode!)

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What happens when a room full of men finally feels safe enough to be honest? We cannot keep calling all men trash and then expect them to want to grow, heal, or change. This year's Evolve Group Coaching cohort brought in more men than ever before, and when one member shared something deeply vulnerable, the other men didn't look away. They showed up, named what happened as wrong, and reminded him he was not alone.

In this episode, we unpack what it looked like to watch men step up for one another in real time, why so many men have never had a safe space with other men or with women, and how emotional intelligence became a skill set men were taught to avoid. Emilia and Bianca talk about the "nakedness" of feeling safe in a room full of men for the first time, the decades many male survivors carry trauma in silence, and why we can hold harmful men accountable without throwing every man under the same label.

Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation:
#448 | What Real Validation Looks Like - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/448-what-real-validation-looks-like/id1511831621?i=1000734176973

Learn more about:

🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "Why Change Feels So Uncomfortable (Even When You Want It)" - https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration

📆 Evolve Group Coaching - https://evolveventurestech.com/evolve-group-coaching/

📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

Connect with Emilia, Bianca & the EVOLVE VENTURES Community:

Website: http://www.evolveventurestech.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/evolveventures/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EvolveVenturesTech (Public Page)
Evolve Ventures Society (Private Facebook Group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/457130589193794
Emilia's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithemilia/
Emilia's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithemilia
Bianca's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithbianca/
Bianca's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithbianca?_t=8gq3wqu4fAx&_r=1

Connect with Emilia from Evolve Ventures for FREE: https://calendly.com/emiliasmith/free-evp-communityconnect

Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(1:17) Why we're talking about men stepping up
(2:42) The cohort that surprised us
(3:56) Men showing up for a vulnerable share
(4:52) Feeling safe in a room full of men
(7:36) Redefining what's possible among men
(8:43) Evolve spotlight: Derek Smith
(9:44) Why growth-oriented men find Evolve
(10:25) Men never had a safe space
(12:38) Building the skills society discouraged
(14:18) Not all men are the problem
(16:31) Outro

***Leave them a 5-star review if you felt their energy, became inspired, or felt the value was added to your life in your EVOLUTION.***

(Stay tuned for this coming Thursday's episode!)

Send us Fan Mail

What if the constant sense that something is wrong with you was never about you at all, but about the family system you had to bend yourself around to survive?

In this episode, we unpack what it means to be the adult child of a mother with NPD or BPD, starting with what the DSM actually says about each disorder and why narcissistic traits are not the same as a clinical diagnosis. We talk about how the entire family contorts around the illness, how collusion and gaslighting leave you feeling like the black sheep, and how growing up without room to develop a self can lead to identity crises decades later. We also cover where to find support if you recognize yourself in any of this.

Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation:
#539 | How Shame Prevents the Cycle of Motivation - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/539-how-shame-prevents-the-cycle-of-motivation/id1511831621?i=1000789504920

Learn more about:

🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "Why Change Feels So Uncomfortable (Even When You Want It)" - https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration

📆 Evolve Group Coaching - https://evolveventurestech.com/evolve-group-coaching/

📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

Connect with Emilia, Bianca & the EVOLVE VENTURES Community:

Website: http://www.evolveventurestech.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/evolveventures/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EvolveVenturesTech (Public Page)

Evolve Ventures Society (Private Facebook Group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/457130589193794

Emilia's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithemilia/

Emilia's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithemilia

Bianca's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithbianca/

Bianca's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithbianca?_t=8gq3wqu4fAx&_r=1

Connect with Emilia from Evolve Ventures for FREE: https://calendly.com/emiliasmith/free-evp-communityconnect

Show notes:

(0:00) Intro
(1:34) How the family system warps around NPD
(4:08) The DSM criteria for NPD
(5:35) Narcissistic traits versus the disorder
(7:25) How NPD and BPD overlap
(9:11) Emilia invites you to join Out of the Mud, the free live virtual event hosted the last Wednesday of every month.
(10:08) The DSM criteria for BPD
(11:53) Being blamed for the chaos at home
(12:44) Family collusion and silence
(13:42) Growing up gaslit and feeling like the outcast
(15:34) When your identity never gets to develop
(17:11) Outro

***Leave them a 5-star review if you felt their energy, became inspired, or felt the value was added to your life in your EVOLUTION.***

(Stay tuned for this coming Thursday's episode!)

Send us Fan Mail

Who do you turn to for your most meaningful wins? For a lot of people, the honest answer is nobody, not because they lack people around them, but because the people around them don't understand what it actually took to get there. In this episode, Emilia shares a session with a longtime client who came to her in tears over a story about her teenage son, a beach day that almost turned into a fight, and a moment of vulnerability most parents only dream of witnessing. The client wanted to celebrate the win with her partner. Her partner couldn't see it.

In this episode, we unpack what it actually means to be seen in your growth, why so many evolvers end up carrying their biggest wins alone, and what it takes to be the kind of person who can hold space for someone else's pride without it triggering their own shame. We also get into the difference between chasing validation and simply wanting to be witnessed, and why having the right person in your corner, whether that's a coach, a therapist, or a truly present friend, changes everything.

Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation:
#448 | What Real Validation Looks Like - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/448-what-real-validation-looks-like/id1511831621?i=1000734176973

🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "Why Change Feels So Uncomfortable (Even When You Want It)"- https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration

📆 Evolve Group Coaching - https://evolveventurestech.com/evolve-group-coaching/

📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

Connect with Emilia, Bianca & the EVOLVE VENTURES Community:

Website: http://www.evolveventurestech.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/evolveventures/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EvolveVenturesTech (Public Page)
Evolve Ventures Society (Private Facebook Group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/457130589193794
Emilia's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithemilia/
Emilia's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithemilia
Bianca's IG - https://www.instagram.com/evolvewithbianca/
Bianca's TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@evolvewithbianca?_t=8gq3wqu4fAx&_r=1


Connect with Emilia from Evolve Ventures for FREE: https://calendly.com/emiliasmith/free-evp-communityconnect

CHAPTERS

(0:00) Intro
(1:54) A client's win worth celebrating
(4:04) The beach, the boys, and the girl
(7:28) Choosing connection over conflict
(8:47) The ripple effect of doing the work
(11:07) Here's what Matthew has to say about the Evolve Ventures community and how it has helped in his journey
(11:58) Reframing the win, lily pad by lily pad
(18:27) Sitting in the mountain-peak moment
(19:40) What it feels like to finally be seen
(21:56) Who do you turn to? Final thoughts
(23:57) Outro

***Leave them a 5-star review if you felt their energy, became inspired, or felt the value was added to your life in your EVOLUTION.***

(Stay tuned for this coming Monday's episode!)