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What if pain isn’t a warning to stop? What if it’s a doorway? A way of stripping away everything we don’t need, the doubt, the shame, the critic? Until all that’s left is the truth: I can keep going. Even when I think I can’t.

Stagecoach 100 was a point-to-point ultra that stripped away everything except the truth I didn’t know I was looking for. It left me with questions I can’t shake:

What happens when the pain gets louder than the critic? What’s left of us when ego is gone?

I’m still trying to understand what I found out there.

Come with me into the dark and the dust to see what remains when everything else falls away.

visit my instagram page to see photos from the race: https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Music/sound effects in this episode:

construction metal lumber.wav by cognito perceptu -- https://freesound.org/s/32734/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

outdoor_party.wav by isohoo -- https://freesound.org/s/503156/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Heater.mp3 by bmusic92 -- https://freesound.org/s/232919/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Wind blowing and howling in an antenna and its wire on the top of the chilean cliff. by felix.blume -- https://freesound.org/s/147599/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

4000 Hz beeps by AlaskaRobotics -- https://freesound.org/s/221085/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Crowd Cheer.wav by deleted_user_2104797 -- https://freesound.org/s/324892/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Interesting, pensive guitar by AlmightyPsyche -- https://freesound.org/s/751605/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

cowbell3 by Azvinz -- https://freesound.org/s/506134/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
and
https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

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The messy middle isn’t just pain on the trail. It’s the storm we all try to shortcut. In this episode I dig into the temptation of hacks, pills, and perfection. From chasing sobriety with medication, to chasing races with training plans and calorie cuts, I kept looking for the magic pill that would silence the beast.

But shortcuts don’t conquer it. They just make it hungrier.

This isn’t a polished success story. It’s relapse, shame, perfectionism, weight obsession, and the ugly parts no one shares out loud. If you’ve ever asked “why isn’t this working?” or wondered if you’re the only one drowning in the middle — this one’s for you.

Addiction, mental health, and crisis support

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
  1-800-662-HELP (4357)
  Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish.
  
  
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
  Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/
  
  
• SMART Recovery
  Provides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/

Mental Health and Depression Support

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
  Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress.
• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
  Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
  Website: https://www.nami.org/

Eating Disorder Support

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
  Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
  Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
• Overeaters Anonymous
  Find support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/

General Crisis Support

• Crisis Text Line
  Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S.
• Veterans Crisis Line
  Dial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.

Music used in this episode

Sadness cosmo.mp3 by Bruno_ph -- https://freesound.org/s/109409/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

heart beat increasing 116642.wav by klankbeeld -- https://freesound.org/s/181805/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Type 2 Sad Violin Piano Music High by rahulsawla_ -- https://freesound.org/s/759032/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Emotional Dramatic Piano for Sad Moments by LolaMoore -- https://freesound.org/s/759785/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/

Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
and
https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us a text

What we listen to while we run says something. Music can be a painkiller, a punch in the gut, and a time machine all at once. Sometimes it’s noise, and worst of all, a crutch.
This episode is made up of songs, stories, and one quiet truth:
Music is powerful. How we choose to use it can make all the difference.

Here's my Spotify playlist, 'Hold Fast and Run like You own it.'

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0vixdeIiXK7dcfv7FLkBEy?si=88e730acd51d430c

The list is arranged where the first 20 songs are hard hitting songs that get me through the dark times, and the pain. They include the songs referenced in this episode.

Music used in this episode

Metal Band Jam 5 Thrash .wav by RutgerMuller -- https://freesound.org/s/50741/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Metal Band Jam 6 Midtempo Hardcore.wav by RutgerMuller -- https://freesound.org/s/50742/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
and
https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en