Tenderoni Hotline #33: Why do some people default to fight mode instead of people-pleasing? And can someone with developmental trauma actually learn to feel safe in love?

In this Tenderoni Hotline episode, we explore the hidden relationship between emotional outsourcing, chronic nervous system activation, and the fight response. If you’ve ever felt constantly braced, reactive, angry, burnt out, or unseen, this conversation will help you understand what your body has been trying to protect.

We also answer a deeply tender listener question about learning to love safely after developmental trauma. Together, we unpack attachment wounds, functional freeze, interoception, somatic healing, and the slow, powerful process of building secure attachment in adulthood.

Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: podcast@beatrizalbina.com

Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses

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#378: Are you tired of being told to "just let it out" when you're feeling furious, only to find the rage is still there once the dust settles? We’ve been sold a story that human emotions work like a plumbing system - that if we don't discharge the pressure, we’ll eventually explode. But what if the very tools we’re using to "heal" are actually just teaching our bodies to stay stuck?

In this episode, I dive into why the popular catharsis hypothesis fails us and how the patriarchy has monetized our fury through things like rage rooms. We explore the difference between simply discharging energy and actually receiving the vital information your body is trying to send you. I’m sharing why your anger isn't a problem to be solved with a sledgehammer, but a sophisticated map designed to lead you back to your own boundaries and power.

Join me this week to learn how to move beyond outdated catharsis models, why integration matters more than discharge, and how to listen to your anger with curiosity, somatic awareness, and self-respect. I’ll show you how to stop bouncing your anger off a wall and start listening to the signal so you can turn that energy into life-changing clarity and systemic change.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/378

Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/

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My love, what actually happens when you stop outsourcing your worth and start working with your nervous system?

In this episode, Rowan and Antonina share their experience inside The Somatic Studio, where they completed a 12 week deep dive into somatic work and nervous system healing. This is a grounded, honest conversation about what shifts when you begin regulating your body, building self trust, and interrupting patterns of people pleasing and over functioning.

We explore how somatic work supports nervous system regulation, why anxiety starts to shift when you work with the body instead of just the mind, and what it really looks like to set boundaries without being hijacked by guilt. Rowan and Antonina also speak to the process of moving out of emotional outsourcing and into a more embodied sense of self, and what changed for them over the course of 12 weeks in their relationships, decision making, and daily lives.

If you find yourself constantly second guessing, overthinking, or looking outside of you for validation, this episode offers a real life example of what it takes to come back to yourself. This kind of healing is not about fixing who you are, but about creating the internal safety needed to trust yourself again.

Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: podcast@beatrizalbina.com

Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses

Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en