Savannah Hauke is a legend in our little world. Author of three books on living with crossdressing. Two TEDx talks. A weekly podcast. And the charisma of a woman who knows exactly who she is.

We start, as always, with the naughty questions. Black, PVC, satin, stockings. Four-inch heels for playtime. And a favourite naughty word that half of you will hate. Then we go deep.

We talk about:

• Why Savannah moved from "crossdresser" to "dual gender", and why I still adore the word transvestite
• Proclaiming herself in New York in 1996, between The Vault and Lucky Cheng's
• The shame we soaked up as five-year-olds, and why our parents knew no better
• How to tell a partner, a sister, or the boss who signs your pay cheques
• Why spanking is fine but panties are a bridge too far
• Her books, her TEDx talks, and the line that gave this episode its title
• What she'd tell her younger self, and what to say to a wife who has just found out

If you're still in the attic, this one is for you.

00:00 Cold open: "just a half-life"

00:22 Welcome, Savannah Hauke

00:56 The naughty questions

03:58 Crossdresser, transvestite or dual gender?

06:40 Rocky Horror, and "everybody knew"

07:59 From five years old to New York, 1996

13:11 Dressing as coming home

14:24 Where the shame comes from

21:11 The five-year-old inside everyone we tell

22:52 How Savannah comes out, again and again

30:42 Spanking is fine, panties are a bridge too far

34:30 Fifty Shades and the gender line

40:09 Telling a partner who may not want to know

49:43 Jenny's story: why I never told

51:32 Savannah's books

57:43 The TEDx talks

01:03:18 Is Jenny crossdressing as a man?

01:06:40 The episodes that hit a nerve

01:12:54 How Emily Letts pushed Jenny through the gap

01:16:53 Advice to her younger self

01:18:49 Advice for the one doing the telling

01:20:31 Advice for the partner, with a large glass of wine

01:22:40 Married three times to the same person

01:25:15 Where to find Savannah

01:28:14 Outro and newsletter

Pour yourself something warm, darlings, because I recorded this one at stupid o'clock with the gorgeous Lily Rosa, a full service sex worker based very proudly in Scotland. We talk about reclaiming words like whore, slut and queer, and why swearing is part of Lily's Scottish culture. Lily opens up about Catholic guilt, sexual trauma, getting sober and three celibate years spent with her beloved smut, before her very first client gave her an orgasm free of shame. We talk about the slow, sensual touching we both adore, male loneliness and the stigma sex workers face. I share my cross-dressing stories, ADHD and a deeply personal story about my first girlfriend. Lily leaves us with her advice on letting your freak flag fly.

• 00:00:00 Quickfire knickers, heels and smut
• 00:04:35 Reclaiming the word whore
• 00:08:02 Billy Connolly, swearing and queer
• 00:15:35 Shame, guilt and the AIDS era
• 00:19:52 Celibacy, therapy and first clients
• 00:29:37 Life coach and girlfriend experience
• 00:33:18 Sex workers as the village witch
• 00:45:08 Male loneliness and violent men
• 00:53:34 My first girlfriend and Rocky Horror
• 01:03:30 Generations, the survey and humiliation
• 01:16:17 ADHD as a superpower
• 01:22:29 Let your freak flag fly

Rachel’s wife discovered her cross-dressing years ago - and the hurt and disapproval still shape how Rachel lives today. In this candid conversation, she describes dressing only behind a locked door, the thrill of a past visit to a BDSM dungeon, and the fear that time is running out to experience more. Jenny Raven reflects on her own journey, the shame many Gen X crossdressers learned to carry, and the risks of keeping this part of life hidden. Nervous at first, Rachel finds herself unexpectedly absorbed in the conversation - snd begins to imagine a future with more room for Rachel.