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Some stories need telling again 🥀

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Cassie to retell my story not for sympathy, but for truth. One year on, with the court case behind me and my nervous system finally out of survival mode, I’m able to speak about what really happened in a way I couldn’t before.

This is not a neatly packaged survivor story. It’s an honest, sometimes uncomfortable look at how abuse really unfolds slowly, quietly, and often disguised as love. We talk about how red flags don’t arrive all at once, how control creeps in disguised as care, and how trauma bonding can make even the most intelligent, strong women stay in situations that are destroying them.

I share what it was like living inside a relationship that felt safe one minute and terrifying the next, how my identity slowly disappeared, and why leaving didn’t instantly bring peace it brought grief, fear, withdrawal, and the hardest healing of my life.

This episode is also about what happens after you leave. The confusion. The shame. The urge to go back. The rebuilding. And the moment you finally realise that what you called love was actually survival.

House of H.E.R. was born from this journey not just to tell my story, but to give other women the language, understanding, and community I desperately needed. If you’ve ever felt stuck, numb, anxious, or ashamed for loving someone who hurt you, this episode is for you.

You are not weak.
You are not broken.
You were surviving.

What we cover

• How abuse really begins
• Red flags you don’t see at first
• Trauma bonding and why people go back
• Why leaving isn’t the end it’s the start
• Healing after the court case
• Why House of H.E.R. was created
• Rebuilding your identity after abuse

Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of domestic abuse, coercive control, physical violence, trauma bonding, suicide, and mental health.

If you need support

If you’re struggling right now or something in this episode has brought things up for you, you are not alone and help is available.

UK

Samaritans
Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)
https://www.samaritans.org

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)
Call 0808 2000 247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Women’s Aid
https://www.womensaid.org.uk

The Survivors’ Handbook (Women’s Aid)
If you’re not sure if your relationship is healthy, worried about someone else, or need guidance:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/

Clare’s Law
Apply to find out if a current or ex-partner has a history of abuse and may pose a risk:
https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/

USA

House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from.

Resources & support:
https://stan.store/houseofherpod

Join our healing community:
https://patreon.com/HOUSEOFHER
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Follow us on Instagram: @houseofher__
Share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

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In the final episode of season one, Hollie and Mollie welcome their first ever guest: Katy Longhurst a survivor, mother, and tech innovator who has transformed unthinkable trauma into tangible change.

With grace and raw honesty, Katy shares her story of surviving years of coercive control, violence, psychological manipulation and how she went on to create Ask Joan, an app designed to help people in domestic abuse situations discreetly call for help from any household appliance.

Instagram: @askjoanapp

www.askjoan.co.uk

This conversation is one of courage, clarity, and deep truth. It’s a testament to every woman who has been told she’s imagining it and proof that healing isn’t just survival, it’s innovation.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussions of trauma, domestic abuse, stalking, and psychological manipulation. Please listen with care and take space if you need to.

💭 “You didn’t just survive, you rebuilt the system that failed you.”

If you need support right now, here are some resources that may help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 200 0247

Samaritans (UK) – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline (US) – Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line (US/UK) – Text HOME to 741741

Women’s Aid (UK) – womensaid.org.uk

‘I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy/ I’m worries about someone else/ I need support - The survivors handbook: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Claires Law - Apply for information about your current or ex-partner because you're worried they may have a history of abuse and are a risk to you: https://shorturl.at/chTXf

We also have direct links to support resources on our landing page: https://stan.store/houseofherpod

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In this episode, Hollie and Mollie open the doors to one of the most silenced parts of abuse, stalking and harassment.

They share lived experiences of what it means to live in constant fear, the reality of coercive control, and the devastating gap between the law and survivors’ safety. From phone hacking to online surveillance, this conversation exposes how digital abuse and psychological terror leave invisible scars that are still rarely recognised as violence.

This episode is raw, real, and a call for change: for systems that protect women, for online accountability, and for survivors to know they are not alone.

Trigger warning: This episode discusses stalking, harassment, trauma, suicidal thoughts and abuse. Please take care of your heart while listening, pause, step away, or come back when you feel ready.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:
• The Holly Guard app: a free safety app for anyone at risk of stalking or violence.

https://hollieguard.com/

You’re not too much. You’re not too late. You are her. And you’re home now. 🥀

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We’re back in a new studio, a new season of life, and a deeper layer of truth. In Part Two of our justice story, Hollie opens up about what happened after the arrest — the calls from CPS, the court dates, the waiting, the disbelief, and the slow realisation of just how much she’d survived.

This episode isn’t only about the legal process. It’s about what happens inside you when the noise stops. About the guilt and shame that linger even after you’ve left. About therapy, somatic healing, and learning that strength isn’t the same thing as being healed.

Trigger warning: this conversation includes themes of trauma, mental health and abuse. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

If you’ve ever walked away from something that nearly destroyed you, or you’re still in the middle of it, this episode is for you. We’re building a roadmap for healing together — messy, nonlinear, and real.

“You are not too much. You’re not too late. You are her. And you’re home now.” 🥀

Love,

Hollie & Mollie

⚠️ Trigger warning: contains discussion of abuse, victim shaming, suicide, and mental health.

If you need support right now, here are some resources that may help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 200 0247

Samaritans (UK) – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline (US) – Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line (US/UK) – Text HOME to 741741

Women’s Aid (UK) – womensaid.org.uk

‘I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy/ I’m worries about someone else/ I need support - The survivors handbook: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Claires Law - Apply for information about your current or ex-partner because you're worried they may have a history of abuse and are a risk to you: https://shorturl.at/chTXf

We also have direct links to support resources on our landing page: https://stan.store/houseofherpod

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In this episode of House of H.E.R., Hollie and Mollie sit down to speak about the part of the story that was once untold the leaving, the aftermath, and the long road toward justice.

For the first time, Hollie shares openly about the police process, the court case, and what it really looked like to break free. From the trauma bond that kept her tied, to the car accident that became a turning point, to the relentless harassment and finally the courtroom where truth could no longer be denied this is the reality of surviving domestic abuse.

⚠️ Trigger warning: This episode contains discussions of domestic abuse, trauma, and mental health struggles. Please listen with care, and only if you feel ready.

Our hope is that by opening this chapter, anyone navigating similar pain feels less alone, more informed, and reminded that there is a way through.

Because leaving is not the end of the story it’s the beginning of reclaiming your life.

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A candid, compassionate deep-dive into the blurry line between love bombing and real love. We unpack butterflies vs. nervous system chaos, boundaries vs. rules, conditional love, attachment styles, and why “calm” is the greenest flag. We share therapy takeaways (hi Angela 👋), inner-child insights, and real-life examples, from “you can’t wear that” to silent treatment. So you can spot control, honour your needs, and choose relationships that let you be you.

Trigger warning: contains discussion of abuse, victim shaming, suicide, and mental health.

Common traits of rigid, porous, and healthy boundaries.

Rigid Boundaries

• Avoids intimacy and close relationships.

• Unlikely to ask for help.

• Has few close relationships.

• Very protective of personal information.

• May seem detached, even with romantic partners.

• Keeps others at a distance to avoid the possibility of rejection.

Porous Boundaries

• Overshares personal information.

• Difficulty saying “no” to the requests of others.

• Overinvolved with other’s problems.

• Dependent on the opinions of others.

• Accepting of abuse or disrespect.

• Fears rejection if they do not comply with others.

Healthy Boundaries

• Values own opinions.

• Doesn’t compromise values for others.

• Shares personal information in an appropriate way (does not over or under share).

• Knows personal wants and needs, and can communicate them.

• Accepting when others say “no” to them.

⸻

Most people have a mix of different boundary types. For example, someone could have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries in romantic relationships, and a mix of all three types with their family. One size does not fit all!

If you need support right now, here are some resources that may help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 200 0247

Samaritans (UK) – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline (US) – Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line (US/UK) – Text HOME to 741741

Women’s Aid (UK) – womensaid.org.uk

‘I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy/ I’m worries about someone else/ I need support - The survivors handbook: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/informat...

Claires Law - Apply for information about your current or ex-partner because you're worried they may have a history of abuse and are a risk to you: https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request...

We also have direct links to support resources on our landing page:

Send us a text

In one of our most unfiltered and urgent conversations yet, we unpack the hidden harm of victim shaming and enabling: the moments when silence, minimisation, and misplaced loyalty feed abuse instead of stopping it. From family members brushing things under the rug to friends still inviting abusers to the barbecue, we name the ways “not getting involved” makes you part of the problem.

We share personal stories of being dismissed, doubted, and told “it’s not that bad,” and explore how that apathy can be more soul-crushing than the abuse itself. This episode isn’t just for survivors — it’s for friends, family, and bystanders who might one day be the lifeline someone needs.

It’s fierce, it’s raw, and it’s a call to action: stop excusing harm. Stop enabling it. And stop letting it hide in plain sight.

Trigger warning: contains discussion of abuse, victim shaming, suicide, and mental health.

10 ways you can help end violence against women:

1. Listen to and believe survivors
2. Teach the next generation and learn from them
3. Call for responses and services fit for purpose
4. Understand consent
5. Learn the signs of abuse and how you can help
6. Start a conversation
7. Stand against rape culture
8. Fund women's organizations
9. Hold each other accountable
10. Know the data and demand more of it

If you need support right now, here are some resources that may help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 200 0247

Samaritans (UK) – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline (US) – Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line (US/UK) – Text HOME to 741741

Women’s Aid (UK) – womensaid.org.uk

‘I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy/ I’m worries about someone else/ I need support - The survivors handbook: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/informat...

Claires Law - Apply for information about your current or ex-partner because you're worried they may have a history of abuse and are a risk to you: https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request...

We also have direct links to support resources on our landing page: https://stan.store/houseofherpod

We created what we needed when we were healing. Our house is your house.

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Trigger warning: This episode covers abuse, trauma and mental health. Please listen when you feel ready.

What if leaving wasn’t the hardest part?

In this raw and deeply honest episode, Hollie and Mollie unravel one of the most confusing and painful parts of abuse recovery, trauma bonding.

From brain chemistry to heartbreak, from missing someone who hurt you to rebuilding your sense of self, this conversation is both an education and a lifeline.

If you’ve ever thought “Why do I still miss him?” or “Am I going mad?”, this episode is for you. You are not alone. You are not broken. And there is life on the other side of this.

What Is Trauma Bonding?

• Trauma bonding happens when a person develops a strong emotional attachment to someone who is abusive or harmful toward them.
• It's driven by cycles of intense highs and lows - affection, followed by abuse, then affection again
• which create confusion and dependency.
• The bond can feel incredibly powerful, making it very hard for a person to leave even a dangerous relationship.

The Brain Chemistry Behind It

• Trauma bonding isn't just emotional - it's biochemical.
• After an abusive incident, the brain craves relief and connection, and when the abuser provides affection again, the brain releases dopamine (the feel-good chemical).
• Cortisol (the stress hormone) spikes during fear or conflict, then drops when the abuser is kind again, making the brain associate relief with the abuser.
• This chemical rollercoaster can become addictive, reinforcing the bond.

Why It's So Confusing

• People often wonder: "Why don't they just leave?" but trauma bonding can deeply affect judgement and self-esteem.
• The victim may hold on to memories of the "good times" and believe they can get the loving side of the person back.
• Abusers often isolate victims from friends and family, making the bond even stronger because the abuser becomes the centre of the victim's world.

It's Not Only Romantic Relationships

Trauma bonds can happen in various relationships:

• Romantic partners
• Parent-child dynamics
• Friendships
• Cults or extremist groups
• Workplaces with abusive leadership

Interesting Facts

1. Stockholm Syndrome is a form of trauma bonding, where hostages develop sympathy for their captors.
2. Trauma bonds can form surprisingly quickly, sometimes within days, in highly intense situations.
3. The longer the cycle continues, the harder it becomes to break the bond because of entrenched neurological pathways.
4. Even after leaving, victims may miss the abuser and feel tempted to reconnect, due to those deep emotional hooks.
5. Therapy approaches like trauma-informed counselling, EMDR, and somatic therapy can help people break trauma bonds and heal.

Signs You Might Be in a Trauma Bond

• Feeling loyal to someone despite repeated harm.
• Making excuses for their bad behaviour.
• Doubting your memory or reality (gaslighting).
• Feeling "addicted" to the relationship.
• Being afraid to leave because of how empty or anxious it might feel.

Hope and Healing

• Breaking a trauma bond takes time and support.
• Understanding what's happening in your brain and emotions can empower you to make safer choices.
• Support groups, therapy, and trusted friends or family can be crucial lifelines.