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Many women struggle in relationships without ever being taught one essential truth: you are allowed to have emotional needs.

In this episode of Healing for Love, Gemma explores the concept of core emotional needs through a schema therapy lens and explains why unmet needs sit at the heart of so many repeating relationship patterns.

You’ll learn how unmet emotional needs shape schemas like abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation, self-sacrifice and approval-seeking and why these patterns often lead women into relationships that feel unsafe, one-sided, controlling or emotionally barren.

This episode is especially relevant if you have ever:

• Felt guilty for wanting “too much” in relationships
• Struggled to name your needs or voice your preferences
• Found yourself prioritising others while neglecting yourself
• Stayed in relationships that felt familiar but deeply unsatisfying

Find out all about the six core emotional needs

Key Takeaway

A healthy relationship is not about chemistry or intensity.
It is about how consistently your core emotional needs are met.

Work With Gemma

• Join the Love Wisely priority list for the April intake
• Stay tuned for details of a free training coming up
• Apply for limited 1:1 coaching places currently available

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:

If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.

I'll look at three key areas:

• The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.
• Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).
• Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.

I’ll invite you to:

• Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).
• Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.
• Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.

If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating apps
• How our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipe
• Why leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good men
• How schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthy
• How to gently expand beyond your usual “type”
• Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while dating

Resources mentioned:

• Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.
• Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.
• Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode).

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

We hear the term “emotionally unavailable” all the time, yet many women are not sure what the opposite actually looks like in real life. In this episode, Gemma breaks down emotional availability in clear, practical terms, so you can recognise it early, feel safer in your body and stop settling for relationships that leave you guessing.

Gemma also explores how schemas like Emotional Deprivation and Abandonment shape what feels “normal” in love, why emotionally safe partners can feel boring or suspicious at first, and how you can slowly retrain your nervous system to relax into healthy connection.

In this episode, you will learn:

• What the Emotional Deprivation schema is
  • How it forms in childhood
  • Why it makes it hard to identify and express your needs
• Why you can consciously want an emotionally available partner yet keep feeling pulled toward distance, inconsistency, or intensity
• How schemas and your unconscious “love template” drive partner choice and keep you in familiar but unfulfilling patterns
• Ten signs of an emotionally available partner, including someone who:
  1. Takes an active interest in you, asks thoughtful questions, remembers details, and wants to know your inner world
  2. Has actions that match their words, shows up consistently, and follows through
  3. Is emotionally responsive, listens when you are vulnerable, validates your feelings, and attempts repair after conflict
  4. Is predictable rather than chaotic, so your nervous system can settle instead of living on high alert
  5. Is willing to talk about the relationship and co create something with you instead of avoiding emotional conversations
  6. Has emotional self awareness, can name their feelings, take responsibility, and does not shame you for having emotions
  7. Shows care through steady, thoughtful actions that leave you feeling valued and appreciated
  8. Allows closeness without pulling away or going hot and cold after intimacy
  9. Makes room for your needs and respects your boundaries, instead of calling you “too needy” when you ask for contact or reassurance
  10. Is kind in a felt way - gentle with your vulnerabilities, respectful in conflict, and emotionally generous
• Why emotional availability can feel “boring” or even suspicious if you grew up with chaos, distance, or inconsistency
• A real life example from a Love Wisely client who noticed her physical tension drop when she finally dated someone emotionally available
• How to start looking at your own relationship history through the lens of schemas and emotional availability so you can choose differently next time

Gemma finishes with an invitation to reflect gently on your pas

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here