When Two Systems Fall in Love

Two people fall in love. That’s already complicated enough.

Now imagine loving someone who is many — and bringing your own crowded room to meet them. Two systems, dozens of parts between them, all figuring out who’s actually dating whom.

In this episode, we’re joined by Jenn and Naomi, two women living with Dissociative Identity Disorder who met in a DID support group, became close friends, and eventually fell in love. Together they offer a rare, honest, and often funny look at what it means to build a relationship when both partners are systems — down to color-coded triggers, competing playlists, and parts who have entire relationships of their own.

But this conversation goes further than romance. Jenn and Naomi walk through two completely different roads to diagnosis — one through years of self-research, one through hospitalization — and the real damage that gets done when providers miss what’s actually happening. They talk about raising kids who read switching more fluently than most clinicians do. And they talk about what it’s like to finally be loved by someone who doesn’t need switching explained to them, because they live it too.

If there’s a thread running through this entire conversation, it’s hope and trust. Trusting your own system. Trusting the process of healing. Trusting that a relationship can become a place where parts don’t have to survive alone anymore.

Whether you’re a system, love someone who is, or are a clinician trying to understand DID from the inside, this episode offers real access to the complexity, the humor, and the tenderness that live inside all of it.

In This Episode

* Two very different roads to a DID diagnosis — and why so many systems still get missed

* The specific loneliness of diagnosis, and of not being believed before it

* What it’s actually like when both partners are systems

* How kids often understand switching better than the adults around them

* Navigating triggers, attachment, and communication between two systems

* What good DID therapy looks like — and where even well-meaning therapists get it wrong

* Why hope and trust keep showing up as the answer

Timestamps00:01 — Meet Jenn & Naomi, and how two systems fell in love07:35 — Two very different roads to diagnosis — and why so many systems get missed24:05 — When your partner can clock every switch and no one else can31:00 — Parenting with DID: what kids pick up on that adults don’t40:00 — Two systems, dozens of relationships, triggers, and figuring out who’s actually walking down the street48:30 — What good DID therapy actually feels like59:00 — Hope, trust, and what they want every system to hear

Contact Jenn & Naomi at pluralitysquared@gmail.com

📣 New Workshop — July 29th

Building & Using Your Inner World: Practical Tools to Make It Work for You

Registration opens July 10 on Substack and at HealingMyParts.org.

Thank you for listening and for being here with us! 🩷🫶💜

Episode Summary:

Some people receive a DID diagnosis in their twenties.

Some in their forties.

And some spend more than six decades trying to understand themselves before finally finding an answer.

In this deeply honest conversation, we’re joined by Tom from The Kids Are in Charge, diagnosed just 14 months ago at age 64.

What began as a frightening wellness check during a period of profound loss ultimately opened the door to understanding a lifetime of experiences that suddenly made sense.

Together we explore the grief of a late diagnosis, the challenges of being a man with DID, the isolation that can come with aging, and the surprising ways healing emerges when parts finally have room to be seen.

But this conversation is also about something else:

What happens when you spend 64 years believing one story about yourself—and then discover there’s another one underneath it?

Thoughtful, vulnerable, funny, and full of hard-won wisdom, this is a conversation about survival, self-discovery, and learning what it means to finally live with compassion for all the parts that got you here.

Inside This Conversation

• Receiving a DID diagnosis later in life

• Why dissociation is so often missed

• Reinterpreting a lifetime of memories through a new lens

• The unique challenges men face when navigating trauma and dissociation

• Music, creativity, work, and the different parts that show up for each

• Finding community later in life

• Learning to care for younger parts

• Moving from survival mode toward connection, compassion, and genuine relaxation

A Line That Stays With You

“I don’t know if I’m tired… or if this is what relaxed feels like.”

Timestamps

03:20 — The wellness check that changed everything

06:50 — Looking back through a dissociative lens

24:00 — Discovering new parts through video journals

31:00 — When the wrong part shows up for work

39:30 — Doubt, denial, and "Holy Moses" moments

53:30 — Being a man with DID

Resources

Find Tom at The Kids Are In Charge on Instagram

For more resources visit: healingmyparts.org

Healing My Parts Substack

@healingmyparts on Instagram

Whether you're a system navigating your own journey or a clinician supporting one, we'd love to connect. Consults & Services for Professionals and Consultations for Systems

Thank you for listening! 🩷🫶💜

Some people find art. Others are found by it.

Julia Mes had never made art in her life — until about a year and a half ago, when a stone-dotting workshop and a YouTube rabbit hole into neurographic art opened something she didn’t expect. Parts of her system turned out to be artists. Others are still not so sure. And one part has been loudly, clearly stating for months: “I am not an artist.” No further information.

In this conversation, we explore what it looks like when creativity becomes a language between parts, how system mapping evolved from a spreadsheet to a 42-page Google Doc to a park in a shoebox to hand-painted stones. We also move into something rarely discussed: intergenerational trauma, the concept of the “Grandchildren of War,” and what it means to carry images that may belong to another generation entirely.

This one is quiet, honest, and really beautiful.

Inside This Conversation

• When parts disagree about who you are — including one who is very clear: “I am not an artist”

• System mapping as an evolving, tactile, annual practice

• Neurographic art as an unexpected tool for internal communication

• Late discovery, menopause, and the energy that was keeping things submerged

• Growing up in Germany as a grandchild of the Second World War

• Holding images that feel like memory — but may not be yours

• What the messy, funny, sometimes devastating day-to-day looks like

⏱️ Timestamps

00:55 – Introducing Julia and her system

07:43 – How the artistic practice began — by accident

14:04 – When not everyone in the system wants to be an artist

23:01 – System mapping: from spreadsheet to painted stones

32:07 – Finding out you’re a system in your late 40s

34:46 – Menopause, DID, and the energy that kept things submerged

42:54 – Grandchildren of War: intergenerational trauma and the German context

56:54 – The messy middle — desperate days, dark moments, and laughing because it’s so sad

01:02:17 – What Julia wants listeners to take away

If you’ve ever struggled to put your internal experience into words — Julia has an invitation: grab a piece of paper and a Sharpie, write “there is no way to do this wrong,” and see what happens.

Resources

Julia by Mes — juliabymes.com

Instagram: @juliabymes

For more resources visit: healingmyparts.org

Consultation & Training

Healing My Parts Substack — healingmyparts.substack.com

@healingmyparts on Instagram

Thank you for listening! 🩷🫶💜

Episode Summary

Some people discover they’re a system in a single moment.

Others… don’t.

In this episode, we’re joined by Mike and the Committee, a system who came to understand themselves not through diagnosis—but through patterns, reactions, and a question that changed everything:

What protected me?

From there, their journey unfolds in a way that’s messy, human, and deeply relatable.

We talk about what it actually looks like to live as a system while navigating work, relationships, parenting—and the internal chaos that can come with it.

Inside this conversation:

* When system awareness feels more like chaos than clarity

* Learning to recognize which part is activated—and why that matters

* The shift from fearing intense or “dark” parts to understanding their role

* A simple grounding tool they use in real time

* Why safety—not insight—is the foundation of healing

* What happens when you push too fast internally

* The role of the body in healing (and why it doesn’t always happen in therapy rooms)

* The impact of stigma, silence, and being misunderstood in the outside world

This episode doesn’t offer a neat, linear path.It offers something more useful:

A lived-in look at what it means to build trust inside a system—slowly, imperfectly, and over time.

If parts of your experience feel overwhelming…If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re “doing this right”…If you’ve been trying to make sense of something that doesn’t follow clean rules…

You may find a mirror in here.

⏱️ Timestamps

* 00:01:05 – Meet Mike & the Committee

* 00:02:07 – The question that changed everything

* 00:02:18 – A simple tool for overwhelm (BAR)

* 00:05:22 – When system awareness feels like chaos

* 00:08:21 – Rethinking the parts you’re afraid of

* 00:13:49 – An unexpected turning point

* 00:17:02 – From “what’s wrong with me?” to something else

* 00:24:20 – The cost of pushing too fast internally

* 00:35:40 – Stigma, silence, and real-world consequences

* 00:46:00 – Advocacy and being seen

Resources

Books:

The Many Faces of Me

The Throne Within

Etsy Shop:

HealWithCourage

For more resources visit: healingmyparts.org

Healing My Parts Substack

@healingmyparts on Instagram

Thank you for listening! 🩷🫶💜

Episode Show Notes

Healing My Parts Podcast — with Body Wise: Many Selves, One Body

This episode sits inside the lived reality of DID—specifically polyfragmentation—and what healing looks like when the body becomes part of the work, not just the story.

We’re joined by Body Wise: Many Selves, One Body, a polyfragmented system and somatic trauma therapist, who shares openly about system discovery, co-consciousness, and the slow, often non-linear process of building safety in the body.

There’s honesty here about how hard this work is.And also… a grounded kind of hope.

In This Episode

* What polyfragmentation can actually look like from the inside

* Discovering DID suddenly—and skipping denial

* Living as a co-conscious system (and holding a lot of memory)

* Why somatic work can feel terrifying—and still be essential

* How healing often happens in very small, tolerable steps

* Trusting the internal intelligence of the system

* What helps (and what doesn’t) in therapy for complex systems

Timestamps

00:00 — Opening + podcast intention

01:18 — Meet the guest (polyfragmented system + therapist)

02:29 — Sudden DID discovery

05:01 — Understanding polyfragmentation + subsystems

07:28 — Co-consciousness and holding memory

11:33 — Why somatic work changed everything

17:22 — Healing slowly: building safety in the body

21:02 — Trusting your system’s internal guidance

33:04 — Somatic flashbacks + coping tools

43:49 — Rewriting trauma through the body

For Listeners

If your experience doesn’t match what you’ve seen elsewhere, remember:

There isn’t one way to be a system.There isn’t one way to heal.

Resources

Connect with Body Wise Many Selves One Body on their Instagram: bodywise.manyselves.onebody

Connect with them at their Natural Holistics Practice website.

For more resources visit: healingmyparts.org

Healing My Parts Substack

@healingmyparts on Instagram

Thank you for listening! 🩷🫶💜

What happens when trauma doesn’t just shape memories — but reshapes the body itself?

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Frank Putnam, one of the most influential researchers in the field of childhood trauma and dissociation. For more than four decades, Dr. Putnam has studied how early maltreatment affects development, health, and survival across the lifespan.

His groundbreaking Female Growth and Development Study has followed survivors of childhood abuse for more than 35 years, revealing something profound: trauma doesn’t only affect the mind. It changes biology, aging, health, and even the next generation.

Together we explore how dissociation develops in childhood, why trauma survivors often experience earlier physical illness, and what the science actually tells us about healing.

This conversation bridges research, clinical care, and lived experience — offering a rare look at the long arc of trauma and the resilience of those who survive it.

Key Moments

03:20 — How childhood trauma can accelerate biological aging09:45 — Dissociation as a survival strategy, not a disorder18:10 — The origins of the Female Growth and Development Study32:40 — The “tentacles” of trauma across physical health and development46:15 — What clinicians often misunderstand about dissociation58:30 — Why stabilizing daily life must come before trauma processing

About Our Guest

Frank W. Putnam, MD is a professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine and one of the leading researchers on childhood trauma and dissociation.

His newest book, Old Before Their Time: A Scientific Life Investigating How Maltreatment Harms Children and the Adults They Become, brings together decades of research on the lifelong impact of childhood abuse.

Who This Episode Is For

• Survivors navigating dissociation, DID, or complex trauma• Clinicians working with trauma and dissociative systems• Anyone interested in the intersection of science, trauma, and healing

Resources

📘 Old Before Their Time — Dr. Frank Putnam 📩Contact Dr. Frank Putnam 🌀About Dr. Putnam 🌐 healingmyparts.org