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I Woke Up This Gay

I Woke Up This Gay

Written by: Stuart Merrill
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A podcast by Stuart Merrill: LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist, historian, and survivor.I Woke Up This Gay is a firsthand journey through LGBTQ+ history—the history they never taught you—and the stories of heroes they want you to forget. These are stories from someone who knew, loved, and witnessed many of them change the world.The journey begins with "Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes," the story of Kostya, Stuart's boyfriend, a hero of the 1991 revolution that brought down Soviet communism. Two days after that victory, he was assasinated by the new government he help establish—a victim of a society unwilling to accept a gay hero.Born into a prominent Mormon family, Stuart Merrill survived anti-gay violence, came out during the height of the AIDS epidemic, worked for U.S. intelligence agencies in the Soviet Union, East and West Germany, was the first American in history allowed to keep his top secret security clearance after coming out as gay, lived and worked openly as a gay man in six countries, and later became an LGBTQ+ rights advocate and lobbyist..Through personal stories, interviews, history, and hard-won lessons, Stuart explores the people, events, victories, and tragedies that shaped modern queer life. From the AIDS crisis and the fight for equality to surviving religious extremism, political activism, and the collapse of the Soviet Union, these are stories of resilience, courage, loss, and hope.As anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric and legislation rise once again, preserving our history has never been more important. The best way to fight hatred is to tell our stories.My name is Stuart Merrill.And I Woke Up This Gay.#IWokeUpThisGay #IWokeUpThisGayPodcast #LGBTQPodcast #GayPodcast #PodcastLife #PodcastCommunity #PodcastRecommendations #IndependentPodcast #StorytellingPodcast #HistoryPodcast #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA #GayRights #Pride #QueerVoices #QueerHistory #GayHistory #LGBTQHistory #QueerCommunity #RainbowCommunity #Pride365 #LoveIsLove #EqualityForAll #QueerStories #OutAndProud #LGBTQActivism #GayRightsActivist #HumanRights #CivilRights #Equality #Advocacy #SocialJustice #GrassrootsActivism #PoliticalAdvocacy #ChangeMakers #HiddenHistory #ForgottenHistory #LivingHistory #HistoryMatters #OralHistory #PersonalHistory #HistoryLovers #HistoricalStories #HistoryBuff #WitnessToHistory #GlobalLGBTQ #InternationalLGBTQ #AroundTheWorld #GlobalEquality #WorldHistory #CrossCultural #GlobalVoices #InternationalStories #USAHistory #CanadianHistory #AustralianHistory #SouthAfricaHistory #RussianHistory #SovietHistory #USSR #ColdWarHistory #PostSoviet #RussianLGBTQ #Memoir #MemoirWriting #PersonalJourney #LifeStory #TrueStories #ComingOutStory #LivedExperience #PersonalNarrative #LifeLessons #Storyteller #QueerElders #QueerArchives #LGBTQElders #QueerLegacy #PrideHistory #GayLiberation #StonewallGeneration #QueerResistance #LGBTQRightsHistory #HiddenQueerHistory #IWUTG #ThreeCandlesMemoir #QueerOrphans #QueerAcrossBorders #GlobalGayHistory #WitnessToPride #HistoryThroughPride #LivingQueerHistory #StoriesThatSurvived #Transgender #TransRights #TransLivesMatter #TransVisibility #TransVoices #TransCommunity #TransPride #TransHistory #TransJoy #TransAndProud #ProtectTransKids #TransEquality #TransLiberation #EqualRights #LGBTQRights #StandWithTransPeople #GenderJustice #TransAdvocacy #JusticeForTransPeople #TransAwareness #TransRepresentation #VisibilityMatters #RepresentationMatters #SeeTransPeople #TransStories #ListenToTransVoices #AuthenticSelf #BeYourself #LiveAuthentically #Nonbinary #NonBinaryPride #GenderDiverse #GenderNonconforming #GenderExpansive #Enby #BeyondTheBinary #GenderFreedom #GenderIdentity #NonbinaryVoices #ForgottenVoices #TransTrailblazers #KnowOurHistory #LGBTQCommunity #ChosenFamily #CommunitySupport #StrongerTogether #InclusiveFuture #UnityInDiversity #PrideMonth #Pride2026 #LGBTQVoices #CommunityAndPride #GayUSAHistory #QueerUSAHistory #LGBTQUSAHistory #GayCanadianHistory #QueerCanadianHistory #LGBTQCanadianHistory #GayAustralianHistory #QueerAustralianHistory #LGBTQAustralianHistory #GaySouthAfricaHistory #QueerSouthAfricaHistory #LGBTQSouthAfricaHistory #GayRussianHistory #QueerRussianHistory #LGBTQRussianHistory #GaySovietHistory #QueerSovietHistory #LGBTQSovietHistory #GayUSSR #QueerUSSR #LGBTQUSSR #GayColdWarHistory #QueerColdWarHistory #LGBTQColdWarHistory #GayPostSoviet #QueerPostSoviet #LGBTQPostSoviet #GayRussia #QueerRussia #LGBTQRussia #RussianGayHistory #RussianQueerHistory #RussianLGBTQHistory #GlobalQueerHistory #GlobalLGBTQHistory #Mormon #LDS #LatterDaySaints #MormonCulture #MormonHistory #LDSHistory #MormonStories #MormonLife #MormonCommunity #GayMormon #LGBTQMormon #QueerMormon #MormonLGBTQ #LDSLGBTQ #LDSGay #GayLDS #QueerFaith #FaithAndIdentity #LGBTQFaith #ExMormon #ExMo #PostMormon #RecoveringMormon #MormonTransition #ExMormonCommunity #ExMormonStories #LeavingTheChurch #FaithJourney #ReligiousTrauma #UtahHistory #ReligiousFreedom #ChurchAndState #FaithAndEquality #GayExMormon #...All rights reserved. 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Episodes
  • 47. Not So Happy & Gay 4th of July

    47. Not So Happy & Gay 4th of July
    Jun 25 2026

    Today's youth have it very rough, but it's not hopeless. Many generations of Americans inherited a broken world—and a responsibility to fix it.

    Drawing on firsthand experiences and hard-won victories hof an AIDS survivor, anti-gay violence survivor, LGBTQ+ political activist & lobbyist, Stuart argues a provocative, emotional, and unapologetically honest call to action for younger generations of LGBTQ+.

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    31 mins
  • 46. Queer Orphans

    46. Queer Orphans
    May 30 2026

    Generations of LGBTQ+ people grew up searching for the elders who never came. In this powerful Pride episode, Stuart Merrill and Adaline Reid explore the legacy of AIDS, queer isolation, and the healing power of chosen family.
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    15 mins
  • Open Letter to the Oregon Safer Workers Coalition, (OSWC).

    Open Letter to the Oregon Safer Workers Coalition, (OSWC).
    May 16 2026

    This is not a regular episode. It is an open letter to the Oregon Safer Workers Coalition, (OSWC).

    The OSWC is facing a moral and financial crisis very similar to one Gay Rights organizations faced over 30 years ago. At that time it was essential for the survival of our movement that we faced our own bigotry.

    The current OSWC Board is an exclusionary and segregated world of confirmation bias and bigotry. The ideal board consists of a diverse range of people and ideas. Diversity is a superpower, not something to be avoided out of bitterness, ignorance and fear.

    It is simply not possible to run an organization like the OSWC with the stated goal of addressing bigotry if the OSWC Board consists of bigots. The OSWC is the problem they claim they are trying to correct.

    Link to OSWC strategy paper:

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Yl98L4xUQZkeZd0kPayRp2v_QfHRXuTqeDBXmbnGOmE/edit?usp=drivesdk
    Show More Show Less
    27 mins
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