Why do some incredibly successful people feel like failures? In this episode, Kristen and Mike break down The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy - a book Mike has read five times because it fundamentally changed how he measures success. They explore why so many high achievers are miserable despite their accomplishments, and introduce a simple mental shift that can transform how you experience progress in both your career and life. Through personal stories about new parenthood, aging parents, and their own leadership journeys, they show how measuring backward (from where you've come) instead of forward (toward an ever-moving horizon) creates genuine happiness and confidence. If you've ever felt like you're never doing enough, this conversation will help you see your wins differently.

Highlights:

• The core idea: living in "the gap" (measuring yourself against an ideal) versus "the gain" (measuring yourself against where you started)
• The three daily wins practice and how it transforms your mindset, especially on the hardest days
• Why you should measure your progress backward from where you've been rather than forward toward an ever-moving horizon
• The experience transformer journaling technique for reframing difficult situations
• How to define success on your own terms instead of letting external benchmarks determine your worth
• Why satisfaction is fleeting when you achieve goals if you're always focused on the next milestone
• An honest critique of the book's oversimplified approach to trauma
• Life-changing takeaways: measuring from where you've come creates genuine happiness, and the daily wins practice has powerful impact

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
• Who Not How by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
• 10x Is Easier Than 2x by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
• The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal
• Relentless by Tim Grover
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike are re-airing one of their favorite episodes just in time for the new year. The week between Christmas and New Year's offers something rare: permission to slow down and reflect. In this special episode, Kristen and Mike share their personal annual review process—a ritual Kristen has practiced for years to close out one year and set intentions for the next. This isn't your typical goal-setting exercise. Instead of diving straight into what you want to accomplish, they walk through a structured framework that starts with celebration, moves through honest assessment, and ends with gratitude. Whether you've never done a year-end reflection or you're looking to refine your approach, this episode gives you a practical template you can use right now.

Highlights:

• Why the week between Christmas and New Year's is perfect for reflection when work naturally slows down
• The difference between personal annual reviews and corporate performance reviews, and why self-reflection shouldn't replace meaningful feedback from managers
• Starting your review with celebration by listing accomplishments from the past year before jumping to what didn't work
• Identifying what you want to let go of or stop doing to create space for new priorities
• A framework for setting three major goals across different life areas, with questions about measuring success, necessary habits, and first steps
• Looking back three or even ten years to see how far you've come rather than being overly critical about a single year
• Ending your annual review with a gratitude practice to lock in intentions and close on a positive note
• Making gratitude more powerful by getting specific rather than repeating general statements

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Personal Annual Review PDF Template (2025-2026 Version)
• Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

In this Buzzword Breakdown episode, Kristen and Mike tackle one of the most talked-about—and misunderstood—concepts in modern leadership: servant leadership. But here's the twist: Mike admits he actually hates the term. What follows is a candid conversation about why this popular leadership philosophy makes us uncomfortable, why the language we use around leadership matters more than we think, and how some leaders use this term to avoid accountability. The discussion explores the problematic history behind the word "servant," unpacks what it actually means to put your team first without losing yourself in the process, and addresses common myths like confusing servant leadership with being passive. Kristen breaks down the original concept and shares practical ways to practice this approach without the cringe factor, so listeners can learn how to lead with humility and support their teams without becoming a doormat—or worse, a leader who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.

Highlights:

• Why Mike finds the term "servant leadership" uncomfortable and how it's misappropriated by leaders who avoid true coaching and accountability
• The problematic etymology of "servant" and its roots in slavery—why leadership language matters
• Robert Greenleaf's 1970 concept: the best leaders measure success by the growth and wellbeing they inspire in others, not by power
• Common myths about servant leadership, including confusing it with being passive or overly self-sacrificing
• Larry Spears' ten characteristics: listening, empathy, healing, awareness, persuasion, conceptualization, foresight, stewardship, commitment to growth, and building community
• How servant leadership differs from transformational leadership (inspiring change) and transactional leadership (exchanges and rewards)
• Key criticisms: risk of burnout, boundary issues, challenges in crisis situations, and performative use without follow-through
• Practical integration: shift from "I fix things" to "I create conditions for others to thrive" and lead with curiosity, not correction
• Mike recommends Colonel David Hackworth's "About Face" as an example of putting your team first under extreme circumstances
• Simple action step: ask your team "What's one thing I can do to make your job easier this week?" and follow through

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Larry C. Spears: “The 10 Characteristics of Servant Leaders”
• About Face by Colonel David Hackworth

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com