Why do some incredibly successful people feel like failures? In this episode, Kristen and Mike break down The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy - a book Mike has read five times because it fundamentally changed how he measures success. They explore why so many high achievers are miserable despite their accomplishments, and introduce a simple mental shift that can transform how you experience progress in both your career and life. Through personal stories about new parenthood, aging parents, and their own leadership journeys, they show how measuring backward (from where you've come) instead of forward (toward an ever-moving horizon) creates genuine happiness and confidence. If you've ever felt like you're never doing enough, this conversation will help you see your wins differently.

Highlights:

• The core idea: living in "the gap" (measuring yourself against an ideal) versus "the gain" (measuring yourself against where you started)
• The three daily wins practice and how it transforms your mindset, especially on the hardest days
• Why you should measure your progress backward from where you've been rather than forward toward an ever-moving horizon
• The experience transformer journaling technique for reframing difficult situations
• How to define success on your own terms instead of letting external benchmarks determine your worth
• Why satisfaction is fleeting when you achieve goals if you're always focused on the next milestone
• An honest critique of the book's oversimplified approach to trauma
• Life-changing takeaways: measuring from where you've come creates genuine happiness, and the daily wins practice has powerful impact

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
• Who Not How by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
• 10x Is Easier Than 2x by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
• The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal
• Relentless by Tim Grover
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike are re-airing one of their favorite episodes just in time for the new year. The week between Christmas and New Year's offers something rare: permission to slow down and reflect. In this special episode, Kristen and Mike share their personal annual review process—a ritual Kristen has practiced for years to close out one year and set intentions for the next. This isn't your typical goal-setting exercise. Instead of diving straight into what you want to accomplish, they walk through a structured framework that starts with celebration, moves through honest assessment, and ends with gratitude. Whether you've never done a year-end reflection or you're looking to refine your approach, this episode gives you a practical template you can use right now.

Highlights:

• Why the week between Christmas and New Year's is perfect for reflection when work naturally slows down
• The difference between personal annual reviews and corporate performance reviews, and why self-reflection shouldn't replace meaningful feedback from managers
• Starting your review with celebration by listing accomplishments from the past year before jumping to what didn't work
• Identifying what you want to let go of or stop doing to create space for new priorities
• A framework for setting three major goals across different life areas, with questions about measuring success, necessary habits, and first steps
• Looking back three or even ten years to see how far you've come rather than being overly critical about a single year
• Ending your annual review with a gratitude practice to lock in intentions and close on a positive note
• Making gratitude more powerful by getting specific rather than repeating general statements

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Personal Annual Review PDF Template (2025-2026 Version)
• Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

In this Buzzword Breakdown episode, Kristen and Mike tackle one of the most talked-about—and misunderstood—concepts in modern leadership: servant leadership. But here's the twist: Mike admits he actually hates the term. What follows is a candid conversation about why this popular leadership philosophy makes us uncomfortable, why the language we use around leadership matters more than we think, and how some leaders use this term to avoid accountability. The discussion explores the problematic history behind the word "servant," unpacks what it actually means to put your team first without losing yourself in the process, and addresses common myths like confusing servant leadership with being passive. Kristen breaks down the original concept and shares practical ways to practice this approach without the cringe factor, so listeners can learn how to lead with humility and support their teams without becoming a doormat—or worse, a leader who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.

Highlights:

• Why Mike finds the term "servant leadership" uncomfortable and how it's misappropriated by leaders who avoid true coaching and accountability
• The problematic etymology of "servant" and its roots in slavery—why leadership language matters
• Robert Greenleaf's 1970 concept: the best leaders measure success by the growth and wellbeing they inspire in others, not by power
• Common myths about servant leadership, including confusing it with being passive or overly self-sacrificing
• Larry Spears' ten characteristics: listening, empathy, healing, awareness, persuasion, conceptualization, foresight, stewardship, commitment to growth, and building community
• How servant leadership differs from transformational leadership (inspiring change) and transactional leadership (exchanges and rewards)
• Key criticisms: risk of burnout, boundary issues, challenges in crisis situations, and performative use without follow-through
• Practical integration: shift from "I fix things" to "I create conditions for others to thrive" and lead with curiosity, not correction
• Mike recommends Colonel David Hackworth's "About Face" as an example of putting your team first under extreme circumstances
• Simple action step: ask your team "What's one thing I can do to make your job easier this week?" and follow through

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Larry C. Spears: “The 10 Characteristics of Servant Leaders”
• About Face by Colonel David Hackworth

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

After a hiatus, Kristen and Mike return to Love and Leadership with a new tiny co-host in tow. They pull back the curtain on what the past few months have really been like—from an unplanned C-section to navigating the gaps in U.S. parental leave policies. They share what they've learned about partnership under pressure, why their pre-baby work on fighting better has paid off, and how they're managing to show up for each other when sleep is scarce and stress is high. If you've ever wondered what leadership actually looks like when the stakes are personal and the challenges are right in front of you, this conversation offers a real-world test case. Plus, they explain what to expect from the podcast going forward and why there will be more "love" in Love and Leadership from here on out.

Highlights:

• Kristen and Mike share their experience becoming new parents, including Kristen's unplanned C-section at 37 weeks and the challenges of the early postpartum period
• They discuss the broken state of parental leave and maternal support in the United States, including limited time off and a healthcare system that often fails new mothers
• Mike explains what he learned about infant brain development and nervous system regulation, including why the "cry it out" method isn't supported by neuroscience
• The couple opens up about how becoming parents has tested their partnership and why their pre-baby work on communication (including reading Fight Right by the Gottmans) has been essential
• They share practical strategies for managing the transition to parenthood as a team, including not competing over who has it harder and actively supporting each other through rest and childcare
• Kristen highlights the value of mom support groups and community during the postpartum period
• Mike discusses the importance of long-term thinking in business, drawing parallels between supporting families and retaining institutional knowledge in organizations
• They announce the podcast will continue on a biweekly schedule for now, with fewer guest episodes until they establish a more consistent routine with their son

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by John Gottman and Julie Gottman
• La Vie En Doula (Kristen & Mike’s postpartum night doula)

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Mike and Kristen dive deep into Michael Bungay Stanier's The Advice Trap, exploring why our natural instinct to give advice actually makes us worse leaders. This episode reveals the uncomfortable truth: your advice isn't as good as you think it is, and constantly offering solutions is damaging your team and overwhelming your schedule. The hosts get painfully honest about their own advice-giving habits while breaking down the three personas of the "advice monster" - Tell It, Save It, and Control It. They explore the psychological rewards we get from playing rescuer (#winsnotwins) and share practical strategies for staying curious longer instead of rushing to solutions. If you've ever wondered why your team keeps coming to you with problems instead of solutions, or why you feel like the only person holding everything together, this episode will help you understand the hidden costs of advice-giving and show you a better way forward.

Highlights:

• Why advice damages organizations by demotivating receivers, overwhelming givers, and limiting team potential
• The three advice monster personas (Tell It, Save It, Control It) and their shared DNA belief: "I'm better than the other person"
• Understanding #winsnotwins - the short-term rewards that keep you stuck in advice-giving patterns and why recognizing these prizes is key to change
• Why taming your advice monster requires battling between present you and future you (the adult marshmallow test)
• The TERA framework for psychological safety using Tribe, Expectation, Rank, and Autonomy to create safer conversations
• Six "foggy-fiers" that derail problem-solving, from "twirling" (first problem isn't the real problem) to "yarning" (too much storytelling)
• Moving beyond single questions to strategic coaching combos that uncover real challenges
• Specific language patterns for interrupting conversations without damaging relationships
• How your background affects when and how you should give away power as a leader
• Making coaching a regular interaction instead of formal compliance meetings

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Download Additional Book Resources from MBS
• Love & Leadership Episode #9: The Coaching Habit
• What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
• The First 90 Days by Michael D. Watkins
• Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

Kristen and Mike explore The Go-Giver Leader by Bob Burg and John David Mann, a parable that flips traditional command-and-control leadership on its head. Through the story of Ben, an ambitious M&A executive who discovers that true influence comes from yielding rather than forcing, listeners will learn why the best leaders don't take leadership - they give it away. Mike brings his signature tangents, while Kristen keeps things grounded with practical insights. If you've ever wondered why some leaders inspire fierce loyalty while others barely get compliance, this episode reveals the five keys that separate legendary leaders from mere managers. Fair warning: there's some serious cheese in this book, but the lessons underneath are pure gold.

Highlights:

• Using "I," "me," and "my" repeatedly sends the wrong message - leadership isn't about making everything about you
• Anyone can create a vision, but the real challenge is holding fast to it when everyone else loses sight during difficult times
• Influence pulls people toward you like gravity, while convincing pushes and overcomes by argument - completely different approaches
• Like heating wood to reveal beautiful colors, applying belief (not pressure) brings out the best in people
• While competence is baseline, people need to trust your character - what happens when life scratches your soul matters more than your resume
• Giving away power actually increases your influence, though this advice doesn't apply equally to all leaders in all situations
• The book uniquely addresses how tragedy and loss leave authentic marks that show up in business and leadership
• The best way to increase influence is to give it away - great leadership is never about the leader

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Go-Giver Leader by Bob Burg and John David Mann
• The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann
• Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink
• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier
• What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
• Good to Great by Jim Collins
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com

You've probably heard "leadership versus management" debates many times, but Kristen and Mike break it down in a way that actually makes sense. This isn't about which one is better - spoiler alert: you need both. Instead, they explore how these distinct skill sets work together and why understanding the difference can transform your career. From Confucius to Navy SEALs, they share practical insights on when to lead people versus manage systems, common myths that trip up even experienced professionals, and why the best leaders toggle between both modes throughout their day. If you've ever wondered whether you're managing when you should be leading (or vice versa), this episode will give you the clarity to know which hat to wear when.

Highlights:

• The Core Distinction: Leadership = vision and inspiration ("why" and "what"). Management = operations and execution ("how")
• Kotter's Framework: Leadership establishes direction, aligns people, motivates. Management plans/budgets, organizes/staffs, controls/problem-solves
• Why Both Matter: Successful leaders toggle between both modes throughout their day
• Leadership can be learned through study and practice - you're not born with it
• Common Myths Debunked: Leadership isn't higher status than management, you can lead from any role, both require ongoing development
• The Coaching Approach: Keeps you focused on vision and mentorship while avoiding micromanagement
• Managing Systems, Leading People: Manage processes, lead and inspire the people within them
• Continuous Growth: Leadership development is lifelong, requiring constant learning and self-reflection

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Start With Why by Simon Sinek
• Good to Great by Jim Collins
• Turn the Ship Around by Captain L. David Marquet
• The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

Follow us on LinkedIn!
Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com