(re-release) If you’re struggling to know whether or not you’re falling victim to the sunken cost fallacy in your current relationships, there are some reflective questions you can ask to check in and ensure you’re not settling.

Do you feel like you need to stay in your relationships?

Or do you feel like you want to stay in your relationships?

Do you resent the amount of time or energy you’ve put in? Or do you focus more on the amount you’ve grown and changed together through that energy?

If you find yourself focusing more on the things you’ve lost in your relationships (which are things you can never recover) rather than the things you have gained? (which is growth you can never lose) than you may be staying out of obligation rather than desire - which is a surefire way to build resentment and toxicity in your relationships, if you haven’t already.

Realize that past investment is exactly that. Your time and your energy and your efforts cannot be recovered - no matter what happens next.

Ask yourself, if you were starting over today, would you choose this person again? I do that regularly when I clean out my closet and decide what clothing gets to stay - as well as with my relationships and friendships to really ensure that I am continuously choosing people who are best for me and where I would like to go.

Then imagine what the future will likely look like if things remain as they are right now, with your person. What do you feel about that? Would anything NEED to change on your end or on their end to make a happy union more likely?

Think about a time when you have left a relationship in the past. Is that a relationship you wish you had back? Probably not. Making the decision to leave is often the hardest part. But cutting your losses now will be easier than cutting even higher and broader losses in the future.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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(rerelease) People seem to think because they have invested months or years of time into a person that they shouldn’t give up on the potential for them to change, when their current reality is miserable and undeniably better if they cut ties.

I have heard countless friends justify staying too long bad relationships with “but we’ve been together for so long” or “I’ve put so many years into this,” or and “we’ve worked so hard at it,” or “We just have so much history”

The key to not falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy is by being real with yourself about the reality of your current state and remember that ALL sunken costs cannot be recovered.

Forget the past instead of dwelling on what used to be or how hard you worked, instead get real about the current costs and current benefits - and if the current costs aren’t outweighing the current benefits or looking like they’re going to realistically change in the foreseeable future, you gotta cut your losses.

Remember as humans, we have a tendency to fear losses more than we expect gains - so we must keep that in mind when we find ourselves clinging to things that we’re far better off without.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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Rejection feels brutal because society taught us our value is in being chosen. What if we deconstruct that premise, together?

It's about relief, not romance. It's about validation, not love.

"If no one is going to arrive and pick you, you make yourself impossible not to keep. You become useful." - Meredith

THE SOURCE: https://aftertheclouds.substack.com/p/the-fantasy-of-being-chosen-and-how

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Info on War Tax Resistance.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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Do you know what you'd want to eat next if there was nobody else involved in the decision making process?

What would you do if you didn't have to please or consider anyone else?

Olivia is Growing's Post: https://www.tiktok.com/@oliviaisgrowing/photo/7639965256235633934

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

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Do you struggle to answer the question: "what do I want?"

Do you tend to put other people's needs above your own?

Do you think the only way to be loved is through being helpful?

Constantly making choices that put other people's needs before your own that force us to abandon our own well-being can slowly erode our ability to understand what we want.

It doesn't feel like self-abandonment. It feels like "keeping the peace" or "getting through it". So we dismiss ourselves and our basic needs, and that pattern becomes a habit. Self-neglect becomes the norm.

We minimize ourselves out of fear of pushing people away.

But this is dangerous. And counter-intuitive. We build better, more connected relationships when we allow ourselves to connect to ourselves, first.

THE SOURCE: https://positivepsychology.com/self-abandonment/

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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a relationship is a space for both of us to breathe, when it no longer creates that space, we must be willing to detach from our expectations.

Angela Han: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8ssTnrs/

life in focus with suttida: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sGMw2k/

Jay: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sG6RLT/

empathy without boundaries is dangerous and a form of self abandonment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

a relationship is a space for both of us to breathe, when it no longer creates that space, we must be willing to detach from our expectations.

Angela Han: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8ssTnrs/

life in focus with suttida: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sGMw2k/

Jay: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sG6RLT/

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I tend to neglect myself in relationships so I can focus more on creating peace + wellbeing in others, over my own.

A good, healthy relationship will provide space to become more yourself. I have never experienced this. I feel this tendency to erase myself and nurture others with that extra energy.

“Love is not staying. Love is showing up. If you cannot stay and show up then what your offering is not intimacy, it’s absence with good intentions.” - Justin Scott

The Inspiration Videos:

Justin Scott on relational self erasure: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sG1g1g/

Amber Akilla's Video on Detachment: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8ssKsMv/

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.

Info on War Tax Resistance.

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund

The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.