This week, we dive head first into the bizarre rumour mill:

• Kroupi: Did Bournemouth ignore our £85m bid because the email slipped into their "message requests" folder?
• Pound-Shop Semenyo? Is Rafael Leão actually all he's cracked up to be?
• Djed Spence vs. Neco Williams: Why are ITKs tipping Djed to Everton when he's busy storming the World Cup with England?
• Hands Off Our Kids: Bergvall to Villa, Mikey Moore to Dortmund? Noooo!

Plus, we examine Pedro Porro's sudden ability to defend and celebrate Richarlison officially becoming British.

We crack open Room 101 to dump coffee-drinking wives and pundits who recycle the same shit.

And we answer the ultimate question: If you had to get a Spurs tattoo, what would it be and where would you stick it?

Analysis, laughs, irreverence, therapy.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch & Lee Brown.

COYS THFC.

Spurs are currently operating like a drunk with a stolen credit card, and we are here for the chaos. From dropping £85m on a guy we only discovered was great after watching his YouTube video, to Sandro Tonali who was planning his romantic return to AC Milan before his medical..

Are we actually a serious squad now, or are we lumbering ourselves with a bunch of players who aren't up to the job? Remember how we spaffed the Bale money?

We talk Kulu, selling teenagers to Brighton, why Djed is coming home with the World Cup and we open Room 101. Matterface, you're up.

Analysis, laughs, irreverence, therapy.

With Simon Lipson, Kev Acott, Julie Welch & Stephen Pollard.

COYS THFC

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Eady Beeson

We're joined by absolute Spurs royalty, a man who doesn’t just know the history of this club—he practically built it. The ultimate captain, a club-record 866 appearances, and a man who lifted two FA Cups and two UEFA Cups in the lilywhite shirt: the one and only Steve Perryman.

We sit down with a genuine Spurs icon to look at what true stability and leadership actually look like. And trust us, the contrast couldn't be sharper as we pivot to the circus of the modern game. Incredible insights from a legendary captain.

Plus our usual cynical, therapeutic look at the beautiful, baffling world of Tottenham Hotspur, including - are we being Ezed again?, entitled young players and more daft transfer rumours.

With Steve Perryman, Simon Lipson, Julie Welch & Lee Brown

COYS THFC

The summer football drought is here - the World Cup being merely an American advertising opportunity - and we're fretting about all things Spurs.

Micky van de Ven is playing left-back to accommodate a player we don't even own yet (and might not), we somehow have eleven centre-backs on the books, and Brighton are peppering us with a passive-aggressive bid for Vuskovic.

Did the THST letter go straight into Peter Charrington's shredder? Do they speak for us anyway?

We banish couch-potato experts and dismal pundits to Room 101, discuss our best and worst Spurs matches and Julie offers a lyrical and moving tribute to the legendary Cliff Jones. And loads more.

Analysis, irreverence, laughs, therapy.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Barry Graham.

COYS THFC

We process the deeply conflicting news that Spurs leg-breaker-in-chief, Andy Robertson, is officially a Lilywhite. He's a nasty piece of work, but he's our nasty piece of work.

Simon, Julie, Rob and Kev dive into the absolute chaos of the rumour mill, from the unconfirmed Senesi deal and the mythical Van Hecke "agreed terms," to Gary of Harlow's cognitive dissonance; Gaz, mate, if Harry Kane wants to break the PL goals record, why would he come back to Spurs?

Plus, The Pedro Porro Paradox. We debate the massive perception gap surrounding Performative - why do Real Madrid and City want a man we think is bang average? We share our absolute "wrongest ever" opinions about past Spurs players, and consign hands-on-head goal celebrations to Room 101.

Settle down with a cuppa - or something stronger - and dive into this week's therapy session.

COYS THFC

No boring 'End of Season Review' here. We all suffered that nightmare. Does anyone need reminding?

Instead, Simon Lipson, the luxuriantly thatched Julie Welch, and the balding duo of Kev Acott and Dave Bradshaw hand out end-of-term grades from absolute shit to mediocre, and map out the impending summer chaos.

Inside the Episode:

• The Squad Audit: Sorting the wheat from the chaff. Is Palhinha off? Will we survive Kolo Muani heading back to PSG? (Spoiler: Fuck, yes). Is Solanke good enough? Porro to City (godspeed)? Marcos Senesi, Andy Robertson.
• The 370-Game Injury Crisis: Digging into Spurs’ all-encompassing internal review. The pitch, the medical department, hiring a psychologist to literally cure "Spursy".
• Boardroom Twaddle: Vinai admits the club failed to prioritize football but claims it's Levy's fault. Time for football experts to replace the suits.
• Room 101: We banish those needy, automated "How did we do?" corporate feedback emails.

Plus, are bald men follically challenged or superior? Important debate.

Irreverence, analysis, therapy.

COYS THFC

Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Eady Hurley process the sheer, unadulterated ecstasy of Premier League safety.

We break down a nerve-shredding afternoon at the Lane, Palhinha’s clutch winner and Kinský’s heroic late save.

Inside the Episode:

• The RDZ Masterclass: How the boss played part-tactician, part-psychologist to save a sinking ship, and why the board must back him or watch him walk.
• The Spine: Praise for Spence playing with broken jaw, Bentancur, Palhinha, and why Kinský has surely locked down the #1 spot.
• The Romero Silence: Why did RDZ name-check everyone after the whistle except his captain?
• The Supporter Police: Why we are absolutely, unapologetically celebrating staying up (and letting Julie loose on the spiteful Alyson Rudd).
• Room 101: We banish the street-blocking zombies who walk and text.

It’s Nice One Cyril — and we are staying up!

COYS THFC