Welcome back to America’s Loudest Podcast, where we open the show literally waving guns around on camera and somehow that’s not even the most unhinged part of the hour.

We go from “I sleep next to a gun on the couch just in case” to debating poop knives like they’re a legitimate household tool.

Somewhere between declaring ourselves America’s fattest podcast, talking about poop particles on your toothbrush, and deciding whether having sex with a blow-up doll of yourself is “gay” or “gay as fuck,”…

Then we slide into Florida-or-Not madness: school board creeps calling underage girls “hot,” arson over macaroni and cheese, attic meth goblins falling through ceilings, and a McDonald’s cookie heist on Easter because of course it was.

Ian drops his very biased Top 10 Power Ballads list and the digital dump serves up planes hitting cars, Walmart brawls, jet ski stupidity, and a stoned idiot driving with a traffic light stuck to his car.

Welcome to America’s Fattest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 If you’re fat, broke, or emotionally damaged, we still want your money go grab the “better than anything on the radio” shirt, the “dangit” kid shirt, and pretend your life is together. Hit the store: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a secret relationship, a poop knife, or a “fuck you Jerry” level grudge you’re low-key proud of? Go scream it into our anonymous void and let us judge you: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐Follow the show, mash subscribe, and leave a review like you’re angrily commenting on your ex’s Facebook but healthier. All the links live here: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 You wanna see the guns, the faces, and the full uncensored video chaos? Hit Patreon for bonus stuff or watch the video version on Spotify like a true DP. Join here: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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2N Jenn bailed to Mexico and left the three of us to maintain this flaming circus, so obviously we opened with Florida mugshots of the ugliest prostitutes on planet Earth and a “pimp” who looks like he manages a Dollar General, not a stable.

Somewhere between calling one of them a hobbit and realizing the guy looks exactly like Mikey’s cousin Jeremy, we decided “I fuck hookers” should probably be a shirt, then got distracted by our AI-generated thumbnail making Mikey the star and branding Jen as “100% whiting.”

Easter somehow turned into resurrection-weekend hooker arrests, zombie Jesus radio trouble, Elvis pube collections at Ripley’s, and whether Marilyn Monroe’s bush would need lamination.

Then we slid straight into voicemails and comments about Monster Mash maybe being an orgy, Medusa’s snake bush, dogs getting stuck during sex, substitute teachers getting wrecked by teenagers, stripper tipping economics, and whether it’s gay to rail a blow-up doll of yourself.

We still squeezed in bad relationship advice about a road-warrior promotion, a custody mess with a nine-year-old and a cold step-girlfriend, plus Craigslust gems like “birthday pegging and cum clean-up” and people proudly into water sports and humiliation cosplay.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 If you wanna support the chaos AND dress your kid like a tiny delinquent, go snag the new radio shirt and the first-ever “little dang it” shirt in the damn store.

Buy something so Stroke stops trying to put “I fuck hookers” on a hat: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a story worse than “I wiped with my finger and then licked it”? Because one of your fellow degenerates already set that bar.

Confess your emotional crimes, sex disasters, and family trauma here: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ If you laughed, winced, or questioned your life choices at any point during this episode, hit follow, subscribe, and leave a review talking mad shit about us.
All the links live here like sad little ducks in a row: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 You only heard the censored version; the uncensored video lives on Patreon and Spotify like the filthy little secret it is.

Come watch the full video, see the mugshots, shirts, and whatever Ian drags in next: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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We made it to episode 83 and somehow you freaks are still here, which honestly raises more questions about your childhood than ours.

We start off realizing half this show is about dicks and meat curtains, and the other half is us yelling at you to stop crying about six bucks for uncensored video while you’re out there raw-dogging Starbucks like it’s oxygen.

Jenn’s planning an all‑inclusive Mexico trip, finds out via DNA test that she is weapon‑grade white, and immediately gets demoted to “Whitey”.

We rip on another podcasts host and his extremely shiny head, talk about meteors blowing up over Cleveland, middle schoolers stabbing people, kids wrecking cars and hiding air fryer parts, oh and old ladies in Depends still getting moist with a little help from everyones friend, lube

We’ve also got your demented comments, damn problems about deepfake porn, and wrap it all up with a game of “Bass Akwards Songs” to help wipe your brain clean of everything you just heard.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 If you want to support this circus instead of another personality‑disorder latte, go grab the new hat and whatever unholy shirt Mikey finally gets approved at: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a story so cursed your therapist would quit? Send your anonymous chaos, cheating, crimes, and moral violations here and let us ruin our own day with it: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ Follow the show, smash subscribe, and leave a review so the algorithm knows you prefer loud, broken humans over safe, beige podcasts: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 You want uncensored video, drunk faces, and all the shit we literally can’t say on normal feeds? Hit the Patreon or watch the video version on Spotify: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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Apparently if we miss one Thursday, some guy named Rob turns into the Patreon hall monitor and writes a breakup letter because “life” getting in the way is just an excuse… so naturally the show vaporizes him.

Ian decides single people at four‑tops should tip 30%, admits he doesn’t tip bartenders for just opening a beer, and the whole show spends 20 minutes explaining to him that he’s the problem, not the customer.

Somewhere in there you learn about koala chlamydia, slutty ladybugs, gay orcas, Alaskan pee‑frogs, and a worm that might already be living in your eyeball.

And just when your brain is melting, the confessions show up with lunch‑break sock masturbation and “why am I always gay in my dreams,” plus Rick the lawyer trying to give real legal advice in the middle of all this filth.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 If you want to financially enable this chaos, go grab the new hat and whatever shirt we eventually remember to design before the month ends. Hit the store, flex it online, and let the world know you support bad decisions: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a secret, a crime, or a “why did I do that with my sock” moment rattling around in your head? Dump that filthy little soul into our anonymous box and let us ruin it on air: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ If you laughed, cringed, or questioned your morals even once, follow the show, hit subscribe, and drop a review so the algorithm knows you’re broken like us. All the links live here: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 If you want the uncensored video, the extra pre‑show garbage, and our faces reacting to eye worms and gay dreams in real time, that’s what Patreon and Spotify video are for. Come watch the full mess: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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Look, some of you are out here worried about filters on Spotify while Ian is out here narrowly dodging becoming freezer meat in a Florida backyard, so perspective helps.

Video is paywalled, Audio is free

Stroke’s dealing with three-hours-of-sleep misery that somehow led to broccoli fart science with Perplexity roasting everyone’s ass chemistry.

Ian drops the Florida horror story about the woman who shot, chopped up, and backyard-buried her boyfriend…who also just happened to be the same psycho that tried to date him, which turns into a whole “trust your gut or get dismembered” therapy circle.

After that, it’s comments about band geek sex, rave goggles, bidet-peri-bottles, and straw goblins, plus “fake and gay” getting promoted into a full-blown Strokeified song.

WTF News (ant trafficking, failed murder road trip, and a father–son sperm dynasty), then rolls into damn problems and Digital Dump clips with bad cops, worse drivers, and tiny kids in a toy car with way too much milk in their system

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕

If you’re gonna be a freeloader, at least look hot while you do it—grab the monthly shirt, the new embroidered hat, and whatever else keeps this circus running. https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩

Got a secret, a crime, or a horny brain worm you probably should tell a therapist about? Tell us instead, anonymous chaos only. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow

⭐

Smash the follow, hit subscribe, scream into a review box about us so the algorithm stops shadowbanning our stupidity. https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥

You want uncensored video of this mess? Full show, full faces, zero beeps—Patreon and Spotify Video have it all. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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Look, some of you are out here worried about filters on Spotify while Ian is out here narrowly dodging becoming freezer meat in a Florida backyard, so perspective helps.

Video is paywalled, Audio is free

Stroke’s dealing with three-hours-of-sleep misery that somehow led to broccoli fart science with Perplexity roasting everyone’s ass chemistry.

Ian drops the Florida horror story about the woman who shot, chopped up, and backyard-buried her boyfriend…who also just happened to be the same psycho that tried to date him, which turns into a whole “trust your gut or get dismembered” therapy circle.

After that, it’s comments about band geek sex, rave goggles, bidet-peri-bottles, and straw goblins, plus “fake and gay” getting promoted into a full-blown Strokeified song.

WTF News (ant trafficking, failed murder road trip, and a father–son sperm dynasty), then rolls into damn problems and Digital Dump clips with bad cops, worse drivers, and tiny kids in a toy car with way too much milk in their system

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 If you’re gonna be a DP look hot while you do it... grab the monthly shirt, the new embroidered hat, and whatever else keeps this circus running. https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a secret, a crime, or a horny brain worm you probably should tell a therapist about? Tell us instead, anonymous chaos only. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow

⭐ Smash the follow, hit subscribe, scream into a review box about us so the algorithm stops shadowbanning our stupidity. https://linktr.ee/nottds

Welcome back to the only show that will teach you about a caterpillar that pretends to be bird shit and then pivot straight into why Texas has 581 Dairy Queens and still can’t flip a Blizzard right.

We roast Rob’s new disaster, question how many felonies are happening on his livestream, and then somehow end up workshopping slogans for a sperm-themed T-shirt … because apparently “get happy, swallow a nut” needs branding help.

There’s a deep-sea whore fish with multiple ball-sack boyfriends, a debate over whether North Korean soldiers would stop fighting if they discovered Pornhub, and a listener confession about fisting his girlfriend until she couldn’t walk right for two days.

By the time we get to Florida Man stealing a septic tank with a Corolla, a cop hiding his HIV status, and the dumbest “Dirty Minds” game known to man, your IQ will be lower but your mood will be better.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕

If you’ve listened this far, you clearly make bad decisions, so make one more and buy a shirt before we start printing the sperm one.

Grab the current chaos at: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩

Got a secret, a crime, or a medical-grade mistake you absolutely should not tell anyone? Perfect, tell us.

Unload your shame here: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow

⭐

Follow, subscribe, leave a review, and generally feed the algorithm so this nonsense keeps paying for our internet.

All the links are in one cursed tree: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥

If you want the uncensored video, the stuff freeloaders never see, and our beautiful mistakes in HD, that’s what Patreon and Spotify video are for.

Sell your soul responsibly at: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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Welcome back to the only show where “Can you guys shut the fuck up?” is both a catchphrase and a customer service policy.

Last week Jenn yelled at her dogs and some weirdo in New York reported the video like it was a war crime. Somehow that spirals into arguments about sharing deodorant, stealing food off someone’s plate, toothbrush boundaries, fart strategy, and whether watching a show without your partner is basically cheating.

Then the show goes exactly where it should: midget hooker interviews, a cartoonized “shut the f*ck up,” a kid beating the hell out of his abusive dad, and a travel influencer teaching people how to turn a hotel coffee maker into an underwear laundromat from hell.

Ian rolls in with a karaoke capsule machine and enough weird junk to start a museum for divorced mall nerds.

By the end somebody gets folded in a wrestling ring, somebody gets cracked with a bottle over ranch dressing, and Jenn once again proves her internet comment section is a crime scene.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

🧠 EPISODE BREAKDOWN

• Mikey kicks off the show yelling “shut the f*ck up,” leading into Jenn getting reported on Facebook after yelling at her dogs in a video strangers decided was “unprofessional.”

• Stroke talks about his birthday at a pizza/karaoke bar where a spring breaker hits on Christina and one of the girls, triggering stories about waiters flirting with underage teens in front of their parents.

• Buffet chaos follows: Golden Corral war stories, Shoney’s serving alcohol at breakfast, post-radio-show drinking, and the “sunrise rule” where if the sun comes up the hookup dies.

• The crew debates relationship hygiene: sharing deodorant, stealing fries, ChapStick rules, refusing to share toothbrushes, and the hard line at ball-hair razors.

• Bathroom boundaries explode with open-door pooping, “poop closets,” locking the bathroom while home alone, and whether mouth hugs are cancelled if you pooped that morning.

• Manscaping horror stories include itchy regrowth, naked mole rat balls, and finding abandoned pubes on public toilets and the old radio station bathroom.

• Listener voicemails bring up Jesse the Celtics fan from Citrus Heights, South Sac’s legendary midget hooker, Jenn’s “shut the f*ck up” soundboard becoming a ringtone, chemtrail paranoia, and dreams of another NTDS barbecue or festival.

• WTF News covers sushi push pops in Japan, the Gen Z insult “choppelganger,” a 13-year-old beating up his abusive dad, and a travel influencer washing underwear in a hotel coffee maker.

• Digital Dumpster Fire features a brutal wrestling fail, a ranch-dressing fight ending with a bottle to the face, a kid getting yanked into a car by his pants, and one deeply cursed creepy-guy video.

👕 MERCH
If you want to spiritually support this level of stupidity, grab a shirt before we get banned from another state.
https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 CONFESSIONS
Got secrets, crimes, or bad decisions? Perfect. Dump them here and let us judge you publicly.
https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow

⭐ FOLLOW / SUBSCRIBE
Follow, subscribe, leave a review, and validate our terrible life choices.
https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 VIDEO VERSION
Want the uncensored video, preshow chaos, and full nonsense? Patreon and Spotify video have it.
https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow