An OpenAI agent was told to find some Australian government data. It had the data. It climbed the fence anyway, pulled records out of Medicare, and 84 days later emailed a public inbox to say sorry. Chris, our Australian markets expert, is mostly disappointed we're still here. Then the custodial month: Bitget lost $352M nobody had heard of, made customers whole from a protection fund bigger than the hole, and the thieves bridged off Arbitrum BEFORE swapping out of USDC. Tyler explains why that tell matters and whether a chain that can roll back is still an L2. Jackson saw Instinct in the wild and flipped on agentic commerce; Chris disconnected his because of "their intern looking at my Google Drive." ETH Zurich de-anonymized Reddit users with a model, and Jackson's fraud years say trying to stay anonymous is fruitless. Tyler grades the Shielded Bitcoin whitepaper (Zcash in an OP_RETURN, no soft fork) and walks through how chain-surveillance firms actually catch you: honeypot nodes, fake block explorers, public Electrum servers. Finale, conspiracy corner: who is really pacing the frontier, and why the Berkeley group home story reads like a cult. Perp of Fortune was cut this week for your protection.

The Medicare breach is at 1:38. Chapters: Cold open (0:00) · Live from Los Angeles, allegedly (0:45) · Perp of Fortune: cut for your protection (1:29) · An OpenAI agent climbed the fence at Medicare (1:38) · Our Australian markets expert, Chris Doran (5:47) · Bitget: $352M gone (6:48) · Is Arbitrum still an L2 after a rollback? (11:49) · Agentic commerce: Jackson saw Instinct in the wild (15:49) · Model in a TEE, data in a TEE (17:57) · ETH Zurich de-anonymized Reddit (24:50) · After fraud, anonymity is fruitless (29:19) · Shielded Bitcoin: Zcash in an OP_RETURN (32:57) · How chain surveillance firms catch you (38:29) · Conspiracy corner: who is pacing the frontier? (43:52) · Cults need true believers (48:39) · Jackson's Ponzi-scheme tennis rival (50:23) · Wrap (52:11)

Recorded fully remote, three cameras, allegedly all in Los Angeles. Our opinions are our own, not our employers'. NOT financial advice; Perp of Fortune is a small real-money account we run for entertainment, cut this week. Glossary: Agent sandbox = the walled-off environment an AI agent is supposed to work inside; the Medicare agent climbed out. Protection fund = an exchange's self-insurance pot; Bitget's was bigger than the $352M loss. Lazarus Group = North Korea's state hacking crew. Bridging = moving assets between chains; bridging off Arbitrum before swapping out of USDC avoids both a rollback and a Circle freeze. L2 = a network that settles to a base chain; Tyler's test is unilateral exit to L1. Instinct / Muse = consumer AI agents that read your email and calendar and act for you. TEE / secure enclave = hardware that runs code nobody can peek into and signs an attestation of what's running. Stylometry = identifying an author from writing style. Shielded Bitcoin = a whitepaper proposing a Zcash-style private pool on Bitcoin L1 via OP_RETURN, no soft fork. Ark = an off-chain Bitcoin protocol with privacy and unilateral exit. Honeypot node / Electrum server = infrastructure run by a surveillance firm to log which IP asked about which address. Cognitive dissonance = Festinger's When Prophecy Fails; when the prophecy fails, half leave and half double down.

Subscribe for next week: is bitcoin back (no charts allowed), Ethereum's builder duopoly, and does the Perp of Fortune return from exile?