What is enough? I mean for real... in a world of "always get better," what is ENOUGH? If that question makes you squirm a little, you're in good company, because I'm right there with you. This week my friend Virginia makes the case that we already have the compass within us... the one we've been outsourcing to self-proclaimed gurus and the loudest voices in our social feed.

I open with a story about an old friend named Leila Lee and a single question scrawled on a slip of paper that was handed to her at a party: "What is enough?" It has stuck with me for years and it frames so much of this episode.

My friend Virginia Terrill, founder of Ethically Inclined Wellness, brings such a refreshingly down-to-earth voice to a space that usually runs on hustle and an undercurrent of "you're not doing enough." After roughly twenty years in active addiction, then recovery, early motherhood, and divorce all at once, she started asking what she actually needed... and pausing to check in with herself before taking on anyone else's playbook.

We dig into the unconscious comparison of the endless scroll, the "done-for-you" speed that leaves us feeling behind, and that gut-punch belief that we're the problem. Virginia reframes wellness as what actually fits, not right or wrong... the same routine lands differently on two different people. I share my own history of handing my sovereignty over to mentors I looked up to and how they ended up being "shadow" mentors. Finally, we land on consistency: it looks different on different days, and adapting when life gets loud isn't quitting on yourself.

Here's who you're hanging out with this week. Virginia is the founder of Ethically Inclined Wellness and the creator of what she calls self-collaboration... a way into wellness that actually holds up in real life! Through storytelling, mentorship, and nervous-system-informed practices, she helps us learn to work with ourselves instead of against ourselves. She's trained in wellness coaching and behavior change, and she's just beginning her Master of Social Work.

Go say hello:

https://ethicallyinclinedwellness.com/

https://www.instagram.com/ethically.inclined.wellness

00:00 — What is enough? The question that frames the episode

03:05 — Meet Virginia + a four-part check-in

04:50 — What called her in: recovery, motherhood, divorce

09:46 — Sovereignty at an all-time low and the influencer machine

12:06 — Take what you need, leave the rest

16:20 — Ethically Inclined Wellness and "self-collaboration"

24:40 — "If you feel like you're the problem..."

30:12 — Skateboard magazines vs. the endless scroll

36:51 — The pendulum: grind culture vs. doing nothing

44:18 — My breathwork story + fit over right/wrong

51:52 — Failure is information + consistency looks different on different days

1:02:20 — The closing question: a message to young Virginia

I've been asking my guests at the end of every episode... "If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?"

And then a few days ago, my wife asked me the same thing. And honestly... it went way deeper than I expected.

We ended up in this whole sci-fi rabbit hole. Like, Matrix and Total Recall style LOL.

What if you could literally reach in and carve out a belief system? Or upload a lifetime of wisdom in a single moment? No butterfly effect, no consequences... just, what would you actually do with that?

For me it went straight to my early 20s. Getting into the hair industry, becoming a bit of the cool kid... and feeding off it like crazy because underneath all of that I just didn't feel valuable without other people's approval. And I can look back now and see how much that shaped things. How much suffering came from it. How much I bent myself into shapes trying to get that acceptance.

So yeah. This episode goes there.

• Where I'd go if I could reach back... and what I'd pull out
• What external validation actually cost me, and how I can still trace it
• The difference between shame and guilt when you're looking back honestly
• Holding "it was all for a reason" and "I wish it went differently" at the same time
• Why the wisdom isn't in the wishing... and where it actually lives
• The question I'm leaving with you

Two seats left in the Wayfaring Method! Eight months of coach certification that actually gets into your body, not just your head. We launch in six days. outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod or find me on Instagram @andrew.carruthers

00:00 -- Reflecting on the Past: A Philosophical Inquiry 01:58 -- The Impact of Experiences on Personal Growth 05:32 -- The Quest for Self-Worth and External Validation 08:42 -- The Complexity of Change: Should We Alter Our Past?

09:37 -- Embracing Duality: Holding Multiple Truths

12:56 -- Exploring Possibilities: The Power of Reflection

There's a version of facilitation and serving others that kinda looks like confidence but really it's control. We walk in with the perfect lesson plan, detailed agenda, and a pocket full of knowledge. But inside we are just praying that it all doesn't come undone.

Whether you're a coach, a yoga teacher, a breathwork facilitator, or anyone who shows up in service of others... most of us started there. And the shift away from it is rarely sudden. It's slow, earned, and often uncomfortable.

Carolyn Ann Budgell has been guiding people through meditation, mindfulness, and breathwork for over 15 years. What started as a ski season yoga discovery in Whistler became a body of work rooted in nervous system support, conscious breathing, and the belief that we can't force transformation... we can only create the conditions for it.

In my conversation with Carolyn, we trace our own journey from needing to have it all figured out to a more spacious, intuitive, and grounded approach. We play with the concepts of surrender, the difference between physical body and somatic body, mentorship (healthy and unhealthy), and the sneaky need for validation that shapes most of us.

Settle in... this episode feels like a chat at a coffee shop, but it's loaded with gold.

If something in this episode stirred something in you... that's worth paying attention to. The Wayfaring Method is an 8-month coach certification for people who want to do this work from the inside out. Embodiment, breathwork, nervous system, coaching fundamentals, and the inner work that makes all of it land. 3 seats left. We start May 20th. Find out more at outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod or come find me on Instagram @andrew.carruthers and ask me anything.

Connect with Carolyn:

Website - https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/

Free meditations - https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/freemeditations Upcoming events & retreats - https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/links

00:00 - The bug that started it all

04:44 - Meet Carolyn Ann Budgell

07:18 - Early days in the fire

11:00 - The shift from teacher to facilitator

16:05 - Rebellion as a path

21:42 - What does mentorship actually mean?

26:25 - The triangle pointing toward the teacher

31:41 - Holding steady when someone wants answers

40:20 - Nervous system regulation and the planning trap

49:46 - Getting into your body... which body?

55:41 - Taking yoga off the mat

1:02:01 - Showing up with no plan

1:05:46 - Surrender vs. letting go 1

:09:22 - What would you tell your younger self?

1:13:11 - Closing