It might be the 4th time, but it's always the first time here on Page 7 Dark Sided and the news just keeps gettin' more dystopian and dark as we go! Kelly Clarkson appears to live and die by her AI waifu which causes disappointment all around. When life gives Dakota Johnson a bowl of limes, she LIES, and that's startin' to melt Jackie and Kara! Kara can't do 31 for 31, but she's all ready to talk 'bout Christa Pike! There's supposedly a celebrity assistant that's bein' used as a cosmetic surgery test dummy, and who do you think the celebrity might be?! Speakin' of plastic surgery, it's everyone's homework to watch 'The Swan: Behind the Mirror'! Then we got a rage inducing EVIL LIST of 'Celebrities Who Were Convicted Of Horrible Crimes, But Still Managed To Have Careers' and we're lobbin' BLINDZ back and forth! PLUS SO MUCH MORE!!!!

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Slap on your bib, it's time for some SECOND HELPIN'S with Jackie and MJ, and this time they're gettin' all STEAMED UP with a deeper dive into the Michael Douglas memoir 'One Helluva Ride' (including the apparent hypodermic needle threat at the 1992 Oscars!?), Jackie's got her 31 for 31 rubric to help anyone still strugglin' to figure out what to watch this season! But MJ's got their sights set on tryin' out 'Backrooms' after seeing the trailer for it, but they're always ready to watch 'Never Been Kissed' especially since Michael Vartan emerged from the woods for a reunion with Jennifer Garner! Jackie got to go to Halloween Horror Nights, but not a Nikki in sight. Jackie's excited for 'Other Mommy', AND SO MUCH MOOOOORE!!!

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This week on Page 7, we're joined by HoldKnife McNeely to discuss that new metaltoothed dog movie, Michael Douglas dropped his steamy memoir but don't you dare imply he's a sex addict! Alix Earle brags about being illiterate in a really, really weird interview that also asks her about pegging, Kelly Clarkson is making everyone's skin crawl off by joking ChatGPT is her lover, everyone's finding out that Rita Wilson has SIX STUDIO ALBUMS?!?!?! Jackie FINALLY confirms everyone's suspicions about the studio dookie smear bandit! Dakota Johnson and Anne Hathaway are chompin' at the bit for the film adaptation of the CoHo book, 'Verity'. Then we've got A LIST of 'Celebrity Prenups And Divorce Agreements With Terms So Wild, I Nearly Choked On My Bagel', and BLINDZ so secret we don't even have the answers to 2 out of the 3 yet! PLUS SO MUCH MOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!

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Kara and Jackie are back with more DARK SIDED news as they discuss former American Idol contestant Caleb Flynn's fate, the FINAL EPISODE of 'A Killer Story' for the LAST time, 'The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City' had ski adventure, The Pioneer Woman's son is facing charges, then GRAB YOUR OOKYS, IT'S ABOUT TO GET SPOOKY WITH HALLOWEN BUZZBALLZ as we're startin' to get ready for our HALLOWEEN BITCHATHON October 22nd! Sean Penn once more proves that a broken clock is right twice, the full trailer for 'You Can See Everything' has dropped! Jeff Lous scolded Andy Cohen for his babysittin' pay, and then we have AN EeEeEeEeEeEEEEeeEeEVIL LIST of Celebrity Sex Confessions That Bought Property In My Brain And Now Live There!

And to close it out, in our 'Who's The Bitch?' corner we have an email from a listener dealin' with an unwanted bathroom bestie.

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This week on 'Second Helpings' Jackie's got somethin' weight on her after season 1, episode 4 of 'How To with John Wilson', and everyone's excited for his new collab with Mamdani. Then we're hoppin' right into the 'Primetime' discourse after Jackie went to see it again, all for that Lipnicki dong. Julia Stiles got to stay on Dancing and Jackie's now confirmed Banana Ball fan. It appears they medieval up Lily-Rose Depp's face for WERWULF after all the iPhone Face complaints with Nosferatu. Elizabeth Holmes is still terrifying. Lili Reinhart is havin' a style moment on the press tour for 'The Love Hypothesis', AND SO MUCH MORE!!!!

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This week on Page 7, we're joined by LPN's own Amber Nelson to rank celeb back tattoos after Rita Wilson debuted her OWN copycat of her son, Chet's, back tattoo! And what about poor Truman? MJ fell into an Astairehole after it was announced Margaret Qualley & Sabrina Carpenter would be joining Tom Holland in the upcoming Fred Astaire Biopic! ANNOUNCING THE WATCHALONG OF THE SERIES FINALE OF BUFFY, this coming Tuesday on the Patreon! Then it's time to talk THE OUTTA TOUCH VMAS! And we're all about to be blessed with Nicolas Cage as John Madden. Jackie's gonna wait for 'Second Helpings' to go in-depth, but she DID see 'Primetime'. Next it's a LIST tooootally not written by AI, BLINDZ a plenty, and then it's TIME FOR SOME JACKIE'S SNACKIES @ 01:04:11 and an MJ's Minute Munchies @ 01:09:46 until @ 01:14:07, PLUS SO MUCH MOOOOOORE!!!!

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Kara and Jackie are BACK with more of the DARK SIDED, including the return of 'The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City' in all their TIGHT glory, and in more Mormon wives news, Taylor Frankie Paul is poppin' off on the first episode of 'The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives' with rumors swirling, and the multiple failed drug tests might confirm them. At least one wife has left with more hinting of their soon departure. 'A Killer Story' has everyone on the edge of their seats. Carrot Top has awoken, but the rumors that it was caused by sextortion weren't just a nightmare. Kate Beckinsale seems to be going through it, but not as much as her daughter's boyfriend (who is a human). Jackie finally dove into 'Next Gen NYC' and the Gen Z stare is there. Updates, but not really updates, on the sexual assault case against Kim Zolciak's son, KJ Biermann Jr.. A friend of Perez Hilton setup a GoFundMe for the kids and here's just hoping they're okay. Then we have an EVIL LIST of 'Celebs Who Basically Blew Up Their Lives After Doing Something Shockingly Self-Destructive!'! And finally we're bringin' some BITCHUATIONS your way with TWO VOICEMAILS FROM BITCHLINGS!

Our first voicemail comes from a listener who wants to know if they're the 'Neighborhood C Word' when it comes to their grammatical criticism of a neighbors political signs, even though they agree with the sentiments.

And our final voicemail comes from a listener who lost some business after sending a toke fueled DM to their clients very famous daughter-in-law.

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We're back with another heapin' spoonful of SECOND HELPINGS including Ed Sheeran's wormy stage appearance, and more importantly IT'S FAT BEAR WEEK, Y'ALL! Jackie got herself one of them bone vibratory pops to try ON AIR, so SUCKSUCKSUCK warnings abound. AND DANCING WITH THE "STARS" IS BACK, and do we got a rundown of the first 3hrs that dropped! Then Jackie's got the absolute opposite of a recommendation, a condemnation one could say, when it comes to Mark Wahlberg's movie "By Any Means" that appears to just be an excuse for him to use a ton of slurs and try to make boys kiss. But she does recommend the new 'Resident Evil' movie! MJ's divin' into the new Ryan Murphy show 'Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story', Jackie's highly recommending 'Furious', AND she's startin' to work on her Halloween costume because It's TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMEEE!!!!!! PLUS SO MUCH MOOOOOOOOOOORE!

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